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Aibu about honesty?

(13 Posts)
Sayhellotothemoomoos Sat 19-Aug-17 23:51:04

A work colleague (I'll call Laura)) was complaining that she was going to have to go to her mums house for dinner, and how her mum was making this certain dish which Laura hated, how she was dreading it as the food made her heave.

I suggested to Laura that she just tell her mum she isn't keen on that dish, and ask if her mum could make something else.

Laura was horrified at the suggestion and I said I couldn't understand why she couldn't politely (without insulting her mum's cooking) just be honest.

Anyway another colleague piped up and said that's because Laura has been well brought up, unlike me.

Anyway it got me thinking to a time once, dh had made some eggs on toast and I said they were a little too runny for me. He went in a major sulk, said I was ungrateful, and I should have just ate them all up whether I liked them or not. He also thinks it's very rude to leave food on your plate including in a restaurant.

So aibu to think that there are times that it's acceptable to politely decline food?

Now I wouldn't dream of going to a meal and telling someone that their cooking is awful. Or complaining about the food at my husbands relatives. But in the case of your own close family, your mother, your husband, it's ok?

In my family we are just honest with each other if we don't like something. Nobody takes offence, no one would want to force somebody to eat anything.

Are we just a rude bunch?

CreamCheeseBrownies Sun 20-Aug-17 00:11:20

We learn table manners in childhood. I teach my children that they may quietly leave anything that they have tried and don't like. I don't fancy getting commentary back from them on how I've undercooked their eggs or that they dislike what I've cooked. It is bloody irritating when I've been cooking, plus I'd be mortified if theyoffered such feedback to their grandma. It does sound ungrateful.

I think your DH is taking it too far, eg it's fine to leave food in restaurants. However you now know he is offended by the feedback so surely you should stop giving it.

FastWindow Sun 20-Aug-17 00:15:35

I'll agree with some of this. My dh cannot do eggs to my liking, and I therefore assume that I can't cook eggs to his. But his eggs are manky

But what is your aibu? There were a few smile

Moanyoldcow Sun 20-Aug-17 00:17:48

I don't know why people think manners means making oneself uncomfortable or upset. It's about the delivery.

It's the difference between 'mum - this tastes like shit - I can't eat it' and 'mum - you know, this really isn't my favourite. Can you cook that lovely x next time I come over?'

My DH and I would be more blunt, however, but that's different.

I don't like cooked or stewed fruit so I just didn't eat it when served up by MIL and stuck with ice cream. She asked if I was ok and I said I loved ice cream but really didn't like stewed fruit. No problem. That was 12 years ago. She's never served it to me again. I think I'm the winner there.

I'm with you OP.

littlepeas Sun 20-Aug-17 00:18:56

I'm with you op! If my dh undercooked eggs and expected me to eat them I'd laugh and tell him to stop being a diva. I do most of the cooking in our house - I expect things to be tried, I certainly don't expect clear plates.

TheSparrowhawk Sun 20-Aug-17 00:23:27

I think it's incredibly childish to expect someone to sit there and eat something they don't like just so your feelings aren't hurt. I'd much rather someone said what they did and didn't like - at least then I'll know what to cook!

WaaWaaWaaa Sun 20-Aug-17 00:23:48

I agree. There's things I don't like bit can eat, but then there's eggs. I juyst hate them. My mil served eggs with a curried middle and I just said politely I'm so sorry I just can't eat that. Its not you it's me. No biggie.

FastWindow Sun 20-Aug-17 00:29:59

Manners traditionally mean subverting ones own preference to someone else's. But I'm thinking that that was when stewed goat was all that was available, and the host had traded their smallest child to accommodate. These days I think manners are much more about serving what your guests like, not imposing your tastes on them. Can you imagine inviting known vegans for a full English, and being offended if they decline the bacon?

wonderingsoul Sun 20-Aug-17 01:20:39

My df will does this to my mum and it boils my piss hes sonrude about it.

Mybdf will eat what ever i make.. even if i messed up or burnt it hell tell me it was ever if hes enjoyed it.. hell tell me its lovely lol.

OlennasWimple Sun 20-Aug-17 01:23:36

CreamCheeseBrownies makes complete sense.

Atenco Sun 20-Aug-17 03:03:06

Reminds me of a story about a nice ex of mine. A long-term girlfriend baked biscuits and he hated them but told her he loved them so the poor thing thought they were his favourite treat and went out of her way to bake them for him as often as possible.

So YANBU, It is better to tell the truth as nicely as possible.

highinthesky Sun 20-Aug-17 04:16:36

I think there's a gender divide here.

My brother will eat whatever is stuck in front of him because he appreciates the effort that has gone into it. I don't see the point of eating food I don't like. Yet we come from the same upbringing confused

IAmTheDragon Sun 20-Aug-17 04:40:52

I'd do it to DH but nobody else.

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