Situation with a child with austim. Could I have done it differently(267 Posts)
MNHQ have commented on this thread.
Went to a swimming pool this morning with DH and DS had lots of water slides. One of them is a big tube slide and you can't see the bottom from the top but most of kids seemed really good at giving time for the kids who had just gone down to clear the bottom before they went.
DS we in the queue with DH at the top with him. Before DS was a lad of about 8 or so who came half way down the slide and then stuck his legs out so he did not come down any further. When he did not come out as I expected i peered up the slide and saw that he had stopped himself halfway down and was messing about. I immediately shouted at DH to hold DS at the top of the slide.
I shouted to the lad that he needed to come out as kids where waiting
His mum who had been standing back and I did not clock she was with him said to me "don't shout at him he has austim and likes doing that in the slide".
"I am sorry but I was not trying to tell him off I am more worried if an older lad or girls come down the slide they will crash into him and your son will he hurt, also little ones may be upset if they get trapped behind him"
She shouted "he had SN for gods sae do you know what they means"
(By this time DH had come down with DS and clocked what was happening and another dad was holding the rest of the kids at the top of the slide) DH spoke to a lifeguard who came over and explained to the Mum that her son and others could get hurt if he blocks the slide.
The Mum shouts him down and he slides down straight away" I get a horrid look but think that is that"
Ten minutes later I am walking past the slide with DS and who is emerging from the slide with a bloody nose- her son
The Mum was going mad with the lifeguard and the parent of the boy who had come down the slide and crashed into him.
Mum then storms into dressing room past me with her son and shouts at me "are you happy now? Piss off"
Did I honestly do anything wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong at all. . SN or not safety rules apply to all. ..
Poor dc has more to worry about than autism with her for a dm.
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No, your concern (amongst others) was that a boy was going to get injured as he was not using the slide as expected. He did get injured. Not sure what his mum expected really?
Of course you didn't.
What a stupid stupid woman. Her son could have been seriously hurt.
Surprised there wasn't a lifeguard there supervising tbh!
No you didn't do anything wrong but I wouldn't judge the mum too harshly though... maybe she was having a particularly bad day, felt stressed, judged? Sounds like a tough situation.
If I was caring for a child who I had allowed on a piece of play equipment before and realised that they were not going to be able use it safely I just wouldn't let them on it again until a point in the future where they were able to understand and accept the boundaries for that activity.
However, sounds like the mum got flustered. Not a great situation but maybe give her a break. These things are not easy.
You did nothing wromg. My d's has autism, it has made me hyper aware of anything he is doing that may put himself or others in danger as he has no sense of danger. If it was me in that situation and I had somehow become distracted and not notice him stopping up the slide I would have been grateful that someone else had stepped in and helped.
babe her son could have been seriously hurt, the mother was told by op and a lifeguard that it was dangerous. Yet the mother sounds like she made no attempt to tell her ds to stop doing it, if anything it sounds like she encouraged him because everyone else asked him to stop.
I really can't see how she can be excused. He could have easily have had a really nasty accident or caused another child to have an accident. It's not on.
That woman is a shit parent. Whether her son has special needs is irrelevant. It's her job to watch him and discipline him. She's just another bad parent who thinks it's everyone else's responsibility to deal with her kid. Don't give it another thought.
When the mum told me to piss off I did not say anything as all, I usually would have had a lot to say to someone who told me to piss off but today I kept a lid on in.
I did however think one of the lifeguards should have stuck around the slide for a bit or kept an eye on the lad in general there were loads of them on duty.
My main though was "someone is going to get hurt" rather than "that bloody child is blocking the slide". I could see it coming as he had wedged himself with his head back so all it would take was a kids with his foot out and bam.
The kids who banged into him was in tears as well so I went over and had a word with his mum and told her what had happened
No you didn't do anything wrong, the mother of the other child should have explained the safety rules to him beforehand.
It seems as if she used his condition as an excuse for his bad behaviour.
YWNBU I have a DS with autism and I explicitly teach him the rules of play equipment so that he can use them safely. I agree with pp, if he can't use the slide safely I wouldn't let him on it.
The woman is clearly a nutcase and using her son's condition as an excuse. Autism or not, you can't block the slide.
The mother was being an idiot and I'm sure it's not the first time her son has been hurt because of her. Some people shouldn't be parents full stop, let alone parents of SN kids.
Anytime I've been to a pool with this sort of slide, it's been manned by a life guard.
YANBU and I'm saying this as a mother of a child with SEN.
As the mum of two children with an asd this really annoys me.
I once went on a training course where we were told autistic children can be naughty too.
If there was a genuine issue & he wouldn't come down then fair enough give a bit of space to talk him down safely butvto then let him go on again is irresponsible.
Having an Sen doesn't trump the safety & enjoyment of everyone else.
She is allowing her child to do something that is dangerous to him and to others.
That is really crap parenting.
She was totally unreasonable to fly off the handle at you when she knows this is something her child is likely to do. It's basically setting up an accident and waiting for the inevitable result.
If he liked playing with knives, would she let him?
If he had been mid-meltdown on the slide, and you shouted at him, I can understand his mum calmly informing you he has autism and won't respond well to be shouted at.
But to just let him disregard basic safety because of his autism. No, that's not okay in a public place.
despite what a certain section of MN say, people whose DC have SN aren't always great parents.
AHedgehog - this is highly offensive.
I guess the only thing to consider is maybe her ds needs more time to come down the slide than the other kids. My dd has autism and loves water slides. I am v careful and generally allow her on the smaller more open slides so I can keep an eye on her but she does sometimes stop and flap her hands or seem temporarily to need to spend a few more minutes before she lets go. I usually can prompt her down fine and perhaps that is what she would have done if he hadn't appeared in a couple of minutes. You were maybe a little quick to move him on! With ds who I wouldn't allow on the slide, if you had shouted up at him, however well meaning he would have become very very upset and possibly aggressive as he can't cope at all with raised voices.
There is three tube slides at the pool, Two are massive and are manned by lifeguards. The other (the one in questions) is on the kids bit coming off a galleon and it's smaller but you still get up some speed coming down it.
YANBU. I have a child with SN. He might well try to do similar to the boy you mention but it's my job to manage him to keep him and the other kids who might be impacted by him safe.
The other mum was totally unreasonable.
Some parents are lazy twats who use whatever reason to avoid doing their job properly........some of these parents have SN children.
Society doesnt like hearing it and it's a bitter pill to swallow at times as I will defend fellow carers to the hilt. But it's true.......sounds like you came across one of these today. She's letting her poor child down massively.
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