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AIBU?

To be pissed off?

169 replies

countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 00:01

I'm prepared to be told that I need to chill the f out, but would just like to know what people think before I lose my shit when dp gets home.
I'm 39 weeks pregnant and DP has been at a wedding all day - I kindly declined the invite as I've been having a lot of twinges and cramps for the last week and as I don't know anyone at the wedding I thought it'd be better to be at home (just incase).
Anyway, I had no problem with dp going, but did ask him that he just makes sure he doesn't get pissed - just incase I did need him to make a swift exit - and also that he just makes sure his phone is charged - again, just incase I needed to get hold of him (as I say I have had quite a few pains and pangs).
Anyhoo, I was heading to bed about an hour ago and notices dp's keys in the bedroom so gave him a call to.find out what time he was planning to go home, seeing as now I'll have to wait up for him, and his phone is off!
AIBU to be pretty pissed off? I'm 39 weeks pregnant for God's sake and I know he'll have got himself pretty much steaming if his phone has died and he hadn't even bothered to get in touch. Plus now I've got to wait up to let him in which could be God knows what time!
WIBU to give him some shit when he finally stumbles in or am I just being a sensitive pregnant idiot??

OP posts:
MyKingdomForBrie · 19/08/2017 00:04

Maybe he just doesn't have signal? Or could have been on the phone to someone else..?

Orangebird69 · 19/08/2017 00:05

Yanbu. I'd be fuming. 35/36/37 weeks, not so much. But 39? Nope. That's not on.

C0untDucku1a · 19/08/2017 00:06

He is an adult. Just go to bed.

SaaaaveNotSpend · 19/08/2017 00:07

I was locked out my house for 1.5 hours when I was 2 days away from my due date. DH had no signal in the office he was in that day. Needless to say, signal or no signal, I was absolutely raging!

Try to stay calm just now, you're not in labour right now so that's good news. Hopefully you'll hear from him very soon with an excellent reason as to why his phones been off.

Jedimum1 · 19/08/2017 00:09

Maybe he hasn't got signal, he's driving across the countryside, he's in a pub with bad reception, etc. Send a text and say you are worried as cannot get through and what time he plans to get back because his keys are at home. Don't be confrontational because you don't know what it's really happening. Go to bed, sleep. If he needs you, he'll buzz or call. The time will pass quicker as well. But YANBU for being upset, at 39 weeks, he should be making sure he's contactable and if he hasn't got signal in a place, he should try to go out for a second to let you know or check his messages every couple of hours, I'd think.
Some sleep will help. X

geekone · 19/08/2017 00:09

YABU, if you go in to labour he will
Find out soon enough, chances are it will be a good 10-15 hours before you need to go to hospital even if you started now. Really as you are so anxious and have pangs you will probably be 2 weeks late! Go to bed, you won't sleep anyway because....pregnant. Let him in and allow him to enjoy one last night for a while.

Glovebug · 19/08/2017 00:13

If his phone is off then yanbu however Mykingdim is right, it could be a signal issue etc. so maybe find out what has happened first

I remember my DH refusing to take his phone in to a meeting with him when I was 38 weeks saying "nothing will happen in those few hours and besides you're seeing the midwife today anyway so you'll be fine". he also decided to car share with his colleagues and drive them all to the offsite meeting despite me asking him not to

midwife found issues at the appointment and sent me straight down to the hospital. off course, I couldn't get hold of DH husband as he had turned his phone off so phones MIL hysterical.

When I finally did get hold of DP he was miles away with his colleagues who had no cars. he had to drop his colleagues off at a nearby supermarket to await a lift whilst he rushed to the hospital ( all was fine in the end)

so no, YANBU, at 39 weeks you could quite easily go in to labour and he'd be none the wiser right now

LenaDunham · 19/08/2017 00:22

Is this your first baby? I'm a bit meh really.

He knows the date his baby will be born and he's made that decision. It's a bit shit but what can you do?

My DP did something similar when I was 2 days overdue. If he misses the birth, he misses it. His choice - you can't stop a baby coming.

Stupid man.

Jedimum1 · 19/08/2017 00:23

geekone , not everyone has 10-15 labours. My first was 10h from first contraction, my second was about 6h, I have friends who gave birth in the record time of 2-3h. Everyone is different and at this stage they should account for all possibilities if DH wants to be present during the birth.

Jedimum1 · 19/08/2017 00:25
  • 10-15 hours labour... Blush
Notknownatthisaddress · 19/08/2017 00:28

YANBU at all IMO. I would be very fucked off if I were you.

Why is his phone switched off? Confused

He knows you're about to drop, and goes AWOL.

Also, it's a big assumption that he will find out soon enough that you're in labour, and that you will be in labour 15 hours! It could be 3! Or less!

It's not a daft sitcom; the father of the baby isn't guaranteed to make it just in time! This is real life. If the OP goes into labour tonight, her partner could well miss the birth. Especially if she doesn't know where he is.

LenaDunham · 19/08/2017 00:32

If he misses it he misses it. What's the point of OP getting worked up about it?

Penelopeg · 19/08/2017 00:35

Let him get a hotel. It's annoying you've flagged you've seen the keys I would have pretended I hadn't and gone to sleep. Either way he's been irresponsible and selfish.

piggleypiggle · 19/08/2017 00:40

If he misses it he misses it. What's the point of OP getting worked up about it?

because it can be bloody scary to go in to labour and not be able to get hold of your birth partner. probably even more so if it's your first time

Livingdiisgracefully · 19/08/2017 00:43

lenadunham
Maybe because SHE doesn't want to be on her own in labour. Probably not because she's worried about him missing the experience. I found it scary being in labour and wanted the support. The midwives weren't enough emotional support for me, because I didn't know them -and frankly they were more interested in my and my baby's health than my wellbeing. Good for you if you didn't need anyone.

OP YANBU. You've done most of the work by being pregnant (not being able to drink, sleeping badly, partially restricted diet, piles, pains etc). It's not much to ask that your DP just stays sober and available for a week or so.

LenaDunham · 19/08/2017 00:47

But not much of a birth partner then... OP will be fine; she's the one that matters and really doesn't this need to waste her energy on this right now.

As above, he knows and he's being shit.

countdowntocheese · 19/08/2017 00:47

Thanks for the replies - to ask what's the point in getting worked up about my dp missing the birth of our child... Really?? That would be horrendous, it's our first child and I'd be devastated to have to go through it alone. It's not like I'm just going for a check up at the dentist!
Obviously that isn't happening though (thankfully), but I am still a bit disappointed that I can't get through to him. It was the one thing I'd asked of him before he left. I wasn't expecting hourly texts or calls but to be answered by his voicemail when trying to contact him did make me feel a bit crap.
I've just tried a friends phone who's also there which rang out, so it seems the signal isn't the issue. I've sent a text to his friend just saying could he ask dp to let me know what time he's expecting to get back as he has left his keys. I know I'll find it hard to drift off knowing I'm going to be woken at any point to the doorbell!

OP posts:
zzzzz · 19/08/2017 00:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zzzzz · 19/08/2017 00:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yorkshireyummymummy · 19/08/2017 00:49

I would send him a text message telling him to either get his butt home now, or advising him of where you have hidden the key so he can get in, then I would go to bed and get some sleep so you can berate him tomorrow and hopefully get waited on !! Go get some sleep girl- you will need it! ( Good luck with the baby btw. My DD is ten next week and it's flown by. It's hard work but the most wonderful thing ever being a mummy!!)

PastaOfMuppets · 19/08/2017 00:51

Just go to bed, OP.

ohfourfoxache · 19/08/2017 00:53

Go to bed. He's a grown man, his keys are his own bloody responsibility.

Get your rest, you need it

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LenaDunham · 19/08/2017 00:53

Yes really - meant in the nicest most supportive way.

He won't miss the birth.

Save your energy. Put you and your baby first. He's a grown up. You are 39 weeks pregnant. Birth is imminent. You should concentrate on you.

theymademejoin · 19/08/2017 00:56

Geekone - my first was two weeks early and 5 hours from first twinge to birth. Dh turned up 5 minutes before delivery and I still feel hard done by! It wasn't his fault (long story) but I really could have done with his support before that. So no, op is not being at all unreasonable. He should be close by and accessible at this stage of the pregnancy.

timeisnotaline · 19/08/2017 00:57

Go to bed, try to sleep. If he can't get in a night in the car / garden can't be that much less comfortable than a great bed and 39 weeks pregnant. For what it's worth it is obvious why you aren't happy about this, and thinking your partner might miss the birth if your first baby, or not be there to support you in labour even if he makes the birth is pretty upsetting.

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