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Friend telling my child off?

(165 Posts)
JuniperGrey Fri 18-Aug-17 23:18:57

Just been to see a show with friends and our children.

Children sat on the front row, and us behind. There was a scene with smoke coming off the stage. My dd was moving her hand (not dramatically) to move it out her face.

Friend then taps her on the shoulder and tells her to stop doing that right now as she's wafting smoke into her dds face.

Booboobooboo84 Fri 18-Aug-17 23:19:39

And your problem is....

JuniperGrey Fri 18-Aug-17 23:24:47

My dd was upset, friend was really sharp with her. She's a child and she wasn't doing it in purpose.

But forget it, responses like that I just give up.

NataliaOsipova Fri 18-Aug-17 23:26:02

I don't see the problem either, to be honest. Did the same myself a few weeks ago. I was sitting next to friend's DD in the theatre. Friend's DD was kicking the seat of the lady in front of her (and clearly annoying her a bit). I told friend's DD to make sure she didn't kick the seat in front. I'd have expected friend to do the same if my DD had been kicking someone's seat. All very calmly done, so no big deal.

SuperLoveFuzz Fri 18-Aug-17 23:26:28

Sounds like you are both being really precious. Is there a history of rivalry or competitive parenting with your DD's?

HeebieJeebies456 Fri 18-Aug-17 23:26:49

and you never spoke up or said anything to your mate?

Booboobooboo84 Fri 18-Aug-17 23:27:47

Well maybe if you'd given all the information. hmm

Why was your daughter wafting smoke around it would have been affecting others around her and your friend was right to correct her. Tbf you should have asked her to stop. Why is your child so upset about being asked to stop is your friend a monster?

Ninjakittysmells Fri 18-Aug-17 23:27:51

Me and my friends all 'tell off' our own and each other's kids. I trust them enough to have sound judgement and it takes a village etc etc.

Whosthemummynow Fri 18-Aug-17 23:28:04

Is that a telling off? Sounds like she just had a quiet word. No need for your DD to be upset confused

NataliaOsipova Fri 18-Aug-17 23:28:13 - I'm sure she wasn't doing it on purpose. But when you're in the theatre, it isn't appropriate to have an involved conversation about something in the middle of a performance, or you'll disturb others around you. So a quick "don't" is probably for the best all round.

stormytherabbit Fri 18-Aug-17 23:28:17

Call the police. Your dc must be absolutely beside herself.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 18-Aug-17 23:29:03

Did you tell your friend you were annoyed.

geekone Fri 18-Aug-17 23:29:32

YABU I tell off my friend children and vice Versa and am not in the slightest annoyed when they do.

Notknownatthisaddress Fri 18-Aug-17 23:30:22

YABU and over sensitive, and you never said your friend was 'sharp' with your daughter in your first post. So it kind of sounds like you're drip feeding and making up things to suit, because people aren't reacting like you want them to.

Sorry but if you can't discipline your child, them someone has to.

Your friend did nothing wrong.

BackforGood Fri 18-Aug-17 23:30:42

Seems an odd thing to say to a child - I mean, if there is smoke coming off the stage, then it is instinct to waft it away from your face - your dd wasn't wafting it into her friend's face at all.
However, on the general principle, I agree with everyone else - if you go places together / are round at each other's houses / spend time together, then either adult can remind any of the dc about their behaviour, and usually the parent then thanks the friend for helping them out.

arethereanyleftatall Fri 18-Aug-17 23:32:25

That isn't telling off, that's requesting they stop doing something; totally different. Yabu.

CoffeeChocolateWine Fri 18-Aug-17 23:33:27

I wouldn't have a problem with a friend disciplining my DC.

However, your phrasing...
tells her to stop doing that right now as she's wafting smoke into her dds face.
...the 'right now' bit makes it sound like she was unnecessarily harsh with your DD. Is that the thing that upset you and your DD? Because I agree with you...I wouldn't have liked that one bit. I would have no problem with a friend saying in a calm and kind way 'please don't do that", but from the words you use it doesn't sound like she said it kindly.

EsmeeMerlin Fri 18-Aug-17 23:35:22

Don't see an issue to be honest. Your dd was waving smoke in another child's face so she was asked to stop waving her arm around. That's a non issue surely.

ClemDanfango Fri 18-Aug-17 23:36:38

If the smoke was coming off the stage and affecting your daughter chances are it was already in the face of the friend sitting next to her.
If the wafting was pissing off the other child surely she would have said something herself? Even if your DD was wafting it in the other girls face it clearly wasn't deliberate so there was no need for your friend to be so 'sharp' with her a simple 'careful you're wafting that in other people's faces' would have been more appropriate if she desperately needed to say something.
I don't thing you are being unreasonable and I'd say something to friend along the lines of 'I'd appreciate if you didn't take that unnecessary tone with my daughter, she didn't do that on purpose.'

MrsBrown72 Fri 18-Aug-17 23:42:22

God my friends kids get treated exactly the same as I treat my own!! But I would wonder why your daughter had to sit covered in smoke if she was just clearing it away from her face but it couldn't touch the other child....what would your friend have done if the ticketing had meant her child was in your DD's seat?

C0untDucku1a Fri 18-Aug-17 23:45:05

The i just give up line makes me think actually your definition of dramatically would be different to mine!

BlondeB83 Fri 18-Aug-17 23:45:07


FrancisCrawford Fri 18-Aug-17 23:47:19

It wouldn't be smoke, clearly that would be too dangerous.

Probably dry ice.

Exactly what did you object to in your friend telling your DD to stop doing something that was affecting another child? I you accept that she found it annoying enough to need to waft it away, surely it must have been twice as annoying for the other child who was now getting a double dose?

Clearly she didn't mean to be annoying - but she was. Which was why your friend had to step in.

JuniperGrey Fri 18-Aug-17 23:48:09

She wasn't waving her arm around, she was moving her hand in front of her face. Natural reaction.

Friend was really sharp with her. There was no need. She wasn't being dramatic and waving her arm around and she wasn't kicking someone's chair,

BasketOfDeplorables Fri 18-Aug-17 23:49:12

Why was your daughter wafting smoke around it would have been affecting others around her and your friend was right to correct her

I'm assuming this isn't actual smoke. Perfectly understandable that anyone would waft it away, as its instict, but there's no way it's a problem that it's on your face. Weird to tell a child not to do that, the other child was capable of wafting, too, if she wanted, surely.

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