To hate being around others but still care about people?

[LittleScaredyCat]

I feel like on an intellectual level I understand human needs, desires etc. I try to be helpful and kind in my day to day life and hate seeing others suffer.

At the same time I really hate other people. Usually social interaction doesn't go well for me and I regret almost every instance I've gone out of my way to facilitate it. I seem to see the worst of other people, people who don't know you but want to make you feel small and insignificant or humiliate you and mostly people who can't see past the end of their own noses....

Feels a bit contradictory but does anyone feel the same and how do you function?

[IDoDaChaCha]

Hi OP, the world is full of people and people are extremely complicated. When I'm anxious and/or depressed I find I'm much more bothered about other people's attitudes and behaviour. When I'm happy, I don't notice as much. Do you think there are underlying reasons for your feelings? I also find what I put out I get back, generally speaking. So if I'm smiling and friendly, people respond.

[Dina1234]

Somewhat. Certainly there are a lot of people that I love and enjoy spending time with. Admittedly I am not so keen on spending time with people that I am not so close to (I tend to have a passive death glare face so it takes a lot of effort to get to know people without them thinking that I hate them in the process). But even then I can enjoy myself if they are pleasant after the initial pain of leaving the house. But most people are just too annoying and I really can't stand being around them. Even when it cones to the people that I enjoy I have to have some time to myself otherwise I just get rather overwhelmed and irritable.

[LittleScaredyCat]

IDoDa There is an element of truth to that. If I am well presented I have fewer problems for certain but it feels like I have to prepare so much just to be treated not badly... and it doesn't seem worth it. I tend to be a people pleaser and put in effort no matter what. It is exhausting.

People are complicated and very different but in groups they tend to act very predictably.

Dina I agree with that!

[IDoDaChaCha]

Dina you love your own space. Nowt wrong with that. I used to think I hated people but now I realise I just enjoy me time

[Redadmiralflyer]

Yes Yes!
I hate people. I'm still a decent person who has a lot of empathy for people. I wish nobody any badness and it upsets me when I read some of the things in the news, knowing what others are capable of.

I hate socialising and making plans with groups of people. I much prefer staying in my own little bubble.
I've had offers from friends to come and stay with me for a few days to visit, I've had play date offers etc and I just prefer my own company. I do love the thought of having a close best friend to spend time with but I haven't really met anybody, probably because I don't get out much.

I like and get on well with my colleagues and I am a friendly, approachable person.

At work I am sometimes nice to someone who is being rude to me and then when they go away I whisper arsehole or something

I know how you feel op

[IDoDaChaCha]

OP, do not try to please people it's an exercise in futility that will leave you frustrated and upset. Just accept: they are the way they are, for good or ill. Put your energy into making you happy and pleasing you, not in a conceited way but take the focus off them. I find the main reason for people pleasing is to be liked and to fit in. But that unfortunately comes off as desperate and laughable to cliques of people. Just be you, love you and enjoy what you enjoy. The right people who don't rub you the wrong way will be drawn to you being you, not you trying to please everyone.

[Polarbearflavour]

People are incredibly hard work and annoying and they are everywhere. Go away! Argh!

I do have quite a few friends who I can cope with for a few hours at a time!

[user1490465531]

I prefer animals to people! My dream holiday would be an isolated destination with not a person in sight! bliss

[SleepingBooty]

I'm an introvert too, my friend is an extrovert. She loves nothing more than spending time and chatting to others, anyone actually. I'm private and share very little, I need rest and quiet after spending time with people. I love my own company but I do need to make an effort to connect now and again.

[Gertiegoolash]

Another people hater here! I find social interaction exhausting. I have a very small close knit family and my best friend (who is like a sister) and am quite happy spending my time with just them. I have a couple of other friends but see them rarely and that suits me. I'm not an unfriendly person but I tend to worry far too much about what people think of me which is why I probably find it all so tiring. I've been shit on by so called friends in the past so am very wary of letting people get to know the real me.

[VestalVirgin]

YANBU. It is perfectly normal to feel that way. I do too. It is easier to function if you have some people you know really well and who are kind to you.

If you just want other people to leave you alone, you don't hate them.

In fact, people who really hate others express their hatred by actively seeking out the group of people they hate.
As it is impossible to beat up, rape or murder anyone if you stay away from them.

[IDoDaChaCha]

I'm inclined to think none of us hate people as much as we think we might since we're all engaging in conversation with strangers on an internet forum

[LittleScaredyCat]

Yeah Vestal and IDo I don't think it is real hate.

People pleasing is futile but is basic courtesy too much to give and expect?

[IDoDaChaCha]

OP, god yes. It's a world full of people completely wrapped up in themselves and old fashioned values are dying out. I take heart that you're still being courteous in the face of it though. If we all stopped there'd be no-one but twats left!