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To ask when you realised your dc was transgender?

(275 Posts)
Balsamicpearls Fri 18-Aug-17 14:47:47

I have a dd who is 7. She has always been a "tomboy" and prefers stereotypical boy's clothes and toys. She often likes us to play a game where she is a boy. I've never made an issue of this and we play along. She sometimes chooses to wear a dress and plays with girls sometimes. She seems happy in herself but I do notice other children questioning her clothes etc. All very innocent for now.
Maybe she is just a tomboy but I wonder if there is more to it so I wondered if anyone who has a transgender child can guide as to when you spotted signs. I realise we will be just going with the flow anyway and all that matters is she is happy and content.

notevernotnevernotnohow Fri 18-Aug-17 14:50:03

Oh stop it. Just because it's fashionable now doesn't mean you have to go looking for it.
Your daughter is not a tomboy, she is not a boy trapped in a girls body, she is not anything other than a normal child who likes what she likes and doesn't need it to be labelled.

Pestilentialone Fri 18-Aug-17 14:51:25

Puberty, there is very little physical difference between them until this stage.

AdalindSchade Fri 18-Aug-17 14:52:50

Identifying as transgender is something that is completely subjective and can only be 'realised' by the individual themselves. It's impossible to 'realise' anyone is transgender at age 7 because gender shouldn't even be something that they are part of. Your daughter is a female child therefore she is a girl and she likes things which in our culture are coded for boys. She's perfect as she is and don't you dare impose your flawed worldview upon her and make her think her healthy body is wrong just because you think girls shouldn't be the way she is.

GrumpyOldFucker Fri 18-Aug-17 14:53:05

I was like this until I was about 17 or even until now.

I'm not transgender or gay, I'm just a woman who prefers practical clothing and no make-up, most of the time.

caffeinestream Fri 18-Aug-17 14:53:19

Loads of kids are like that at age 7 - it doesn't mean anything!

Mountainviewloo Fri 18-Aug-17 14:54:38

Oh fgs that means nothing.

Tw1nsetAndPearls Fri 18-Aug-17 14:55:27

Please do not label your child in this way, just allow them to enjoy being a child who understands that dresses aren't always practical

JessicaEccles Fri 18-Aug-17 14:56:09

Innocent for NOW????? What until you decide she needs to become more stereotypical and decide between being a princess or having fun?

IAmEatingACurry Fri 18-Aug-17 14:56:14


Unless she has expressed discomfort or distress by her sex then quite frankly I would leave her alone and let her get on with it.

It pisses me off that perfectly normal healthy kids are being slapped with the label 'transgender' simply because they have interest in things that are stereotypical associated with the opposite sex.

HeyRoly Fri 18-Aug-17 14:56:16

Let her be a tomboy. It's ok to be female and like "male" things. Maybe she'll grow up to be gay. Maybe she'll grow up to be butch. Maybe she'll be neither of those things.

What she isn't, is a boy stuck in a girl's body.

Teach her that it's ok to be who she is and don't lead her down a path of irreversible hormone treatment and mutilating surgery.

chitofftheshovel Fri 18-Aug-17 14:56:29

Exactly not. My DD is 10, we shop in the "boys" section for clothes because quite frankly she finds the selection "for girls" ridiculous, and I agree. She will be what she will be and I shall not get het up about it at this early stage. (Most likely she'll just be a person who knows her own mind and is allowed to be comfortable within herself).

TurquoiseOwl98 Fri 18-Aug-17 14:57:26

During puberty, I assume.

At 7? gringringrin yeah, okay... She sounds like me at that age.

manhowdy Fri 18-Aug-17 14:57:47


x2boys Fri 18-Aug-17 14:57:54

I wanted my sister to be a boy for a bit I think a preferred the idea of a brother seriously just let her be a kid.

Tissunnyupnorth Fri 18-Aug-17 14:58:00

This actually makes me feel quite sad. sad

Unpopularopinion101 Fri 18-Aug-17 14:58:10

My best friend since primary school has just finished transitioning fully from F to M. She just seemed like a normal tomboy, refusing dresses. Then from puberty she came out as a lesbian and cut her hair off and from there she started binding her boobs down. I spent most of my time with her and her family and didn't realise transgender (although wasn't as talked about as it was then) then one day she sat in my car and there were 5 of us there and she said 'I want you to call me (boyname) I've told my parents now, this is what I want' we never questioned it and she changed everything to reflect her new name. About 2 years later she started transitioning fully with the hormones. The binding her boobs down and calling herself (boyname) were the only signs that she was in the wrong body and not just a tomboy/lesbian. She was 18 or so until anyone really knew for sure and even then waited much longer to transition. I recently spoke to him about it all and he agrees that the nonsense these days of 'my 8 year old is in the wrong body' is purely a fashion statement for most parents who want to be seen as so accepting

ScarletSienna Fri 18-Aug-17 14:59:17

When I was young, I was called a tomboy. I don't know why people had to liken my behaviour to anything 'boy'. I was a child that hated dresses (ridiculous attire for tree climbing), liked riding my bike and didn't like playing with dolls (I wanted to be outside or playing with Lego). None of the things I enjoyed doing required a penis and it still pisses me off that certain behaviours are forced to fit close-minded stereotypes.

RhinestoneCowgirl Fri 18-Aug-17 14:59:56

Children at school like to tell my 8 yr old DD that she has a 'boys' hair cut. She tells them that as she is a girl it is girls hair grin Ditto her shoes, games she likes to play...

IAmEatingACurry Fri 18-Aug-17 15:00:55

There is a lot more to being trans than simply liking things that are stereotypically associated with the opposite sex. A lot more.

If she seems happy and has expressed no signs of being distressed by her body then just leave her alone and let her be herself.

I hope you haven't told her that being a tomboy might make her trans either because that is not true and will no doubt leave her very confused.

TheRealBiscuitAddict Fri 18-Aug-17 15:04:52

Glad I was a child before transgender was invented. And I'm talking about children being given a label rather than just being allowed to be children. I think for Christmases and birthdays I used to request train sets, remote controlled cars and my favourite toy was a farm yard. Have never warn makeup in my life but none of that points to me wanting to be a man......

Balsamicpearls Fri 18-Aug-17 15:06:11

Oh my goodness! Really wasn't prepared for that kind of response. I'm only wondering because she has said lots of times she wishes she were a boy and seems sad to be a girl. I'm trying to be a good mum but I was just looking for some support on an issue about which I know little and I wondered if I should try to learn more if it's relevant to her. I'm in tears now

MrsJayy Fri 18-Aug-17 15:06:14

I was a tomboy i was told this was wrong and put in dresses and given dolls and teasets and what not I am most definately a woman. My nearly 25yr old was a tomboy she wasn't put in dresses and given dolls teasets and whatnot she is clearly a 25yrold woman let your child develop their own character before you decide if they are trans or not.

TurquoiseOwl98 Fri 18-Aug-17 15:06:58

OP, I used to be sad I was a girl and tried peeing standing up. You really have to wait until older.

TinyRick Fri 18-Aug-17 15:07:17

Best thing you can do is keep her off youtube and social media.

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