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I'm CERTAIN I'm not being U about DH taking a couple of days off

(56 Posts)
GinoGinellisNelly Fri 18-Aug-17 09:43:32

Sorry to be brief

Having quite a shit summer to be fair. DH has a track record for doing tactless things.

We had a few unexpected financial issues in the last 6 months meaning we've had to tighten our belts and save across all areas.

I work PT and take responsibility for 90% of childcare (3 kids one with SN)

DH worked away for ten years before changing role and he now works from home 4 days a week.

He's very lucky as he is able to have great flexibility and IMO he has plenty of time for leisure in between calls and e mails (he is able to go to the golfing green and on his bike in between)

We've had no holiday/no break since last summer.
I scheduled 6 days off so we could do something last minute

He completely messed up his leave meaning we did not get to go anywhere last minute.

After we learnt we'd not be able to do anything a day or so later he announces he is going to France for a 2 day break with his friend-who is scouting the region for a business venture. He needs a break and it's IN THE CALENDAR !

Wtf? He can find extra days for a friend but cannot change anything around for us? He is exhausted-he claims (join the club)

Part 2 of this AIBU -when I found out about his jolly I booked a hotel where my friend got married last year for 2 days so the kids and I will be able to enjoy the grounds, local area(Wales) and the pool. I invited a friend and she's joining us with her husband -I cannot wait but DH has found out and is furious.

He's annoyed because I'm spending money but if I'm honest I think he's annoyed that he's missing out on the fact we will be having fun with them he has FOMO.

AIBU to think he
A. Needs to pull his finger out of his arse and help more
B. Needs to put his family first
C. Needs to accept that if he's off on jollies it's only fair the DC and I get downtime

MuddlingThrough1724 Fri 18-Aug-17 09:47:43

You are absolutely NBU!

Travis1 Fri 18-Aug-17 09:49:49

Not unreasonable at all. Though I wouldn't have hid it from him. Why did you feel you had to do that? It's a bit strange.

Feelingiabu Fri 18-Aug-17 09:50:26

What's good for the goose!

YANBU

Hope you have a great break smile

mumeeee Fri 18-Aug-17 09:50:48

YANBU

BarbarianMum Fri 18-Aug-17 09:51:03

He is totally , totally unreasonable. I literally can't imagine my dh, or any of my friend's dhs behaving like this (one did try once but was handed his bollocks on a plate).

Rubyslippers7780 Fri 18-Aug-17 09:53:15

He seems to have thought you would not want a holiday? Days away? But he can go to france. He has been awful. Go and have a great time

Elephant17 Fri 18-Aug-17 09:54:20

He's an idiot! Have a lovely break with your kids!

jeaux90 Fri 18-Aug-17 09:55:38

He sounds like a real over entitled nob. Well done for booking the break. Absolutely what I would have done. (Hope you did the two fingered tap dance when he wasn't looking) grin

GinoGinellisNelly Fri 18-Aug-17 10:01:40

Travis
Shall I tell you why?

He did something similar a few years ago. When he got wind that I was holidaying elsewhere with people he knows he changed his plans in a heartbeat to join us. (FOMO!)

To be frank after this episode of tactlessness I didn't want him anywhere near us and he needs to know that we can function very happily without him. I'm not about to sit at home and stew whilst he gets pissed in Boulogne!

Chillyegg Fri 18-Aug-17 10:01:42

Yanbu what a dick

Oldraver Fri 18-Aug-17 10:03:20

I think he is a selfish cunt of a not man.

Individual holidays are all well and good but they come after family holidays, and certainly not instead of

Livingdiisgracefully Fri 18-Aug-17 10:10:27

Good for you OP. Much more healthy (and fun!) to go and enjoy yourself than to sit at home seething with resentment while he's away.

I think it's good boundary-setting after his entitled behaviour. As it's his cock up that meant you were missing out on a holiday, HE should have thought to arrange at least a weekend away with you to make up for it. It really is rubbing it in to arrange for a holiday just for him.

Have a great time.

HiJenny35 Fri 18-Aug-17 10:13:20

Yanbu, Just write it on the calendar and say 'sorry it's on the calendar!' And don't discuss any further.

Hippywannabe Fri 18-Aug-17 10:16:44

You are not being unreasonable. What is FOMO?

Peakyblinders Fri 18-Aug-17 10:19:12

Fear of missing out. Fomo

recklessgran Fri 18-Aug-17 10:21:14

FOMO = fear of missing out.

SisterhoodisPowerful Fri 18-Aug-17 10:28:28

It's not tactless. It's selfish and mean. He doesn't see you as an equal partner. You shouldn't be doing 90% of the childcare. That he lets you speaks volumes about how he perceives you - and it isn't good.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Fri 18-Aug-17 10:29:37

🐀

hesterton Fri 18-Aug-17 10:32:37

How bloody dare he object to your break. Tell him if he wants you to make your break a cheaper couple of days, then he can take the dc to France with him.

QuiteLikely5 Fri 18-Aug-17 10:33:45

Most decent husbands wouldn't even have this thought let alone carry it out.

Well done for going away without him!

Funny how he thinks he deserves money to spend but not you and the kids?

Does he give you a fair share of the finances?

Travis1 Fri 18-Aug-17 10:34:05

I definitely wouldn't sit at home pining. How bloody bizarre of him. So it's ok for you to miss out but if he thinks he is he's all over it? God that sounds like such hard work. I'd book an extra few days and leave him home alone for a bit once he's back.

Chewiecat Fri 18-Aug-17 10:39:05

Yadnbu! I will not be happy if my DH did this! Go enjoy yourself on holidays and as travis said, book a few extra days and don't tell him grin

pilates Fri 18-Aug-17 10:44:01

YANBU, selfish prick

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 18-Aug-17 10:45:48

Yanbu. Enjoy your break.

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