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Why oh why.....

(24 Posts)
Beanie3 Thu 17-Aug-17 07:34:31

Why do I feel the need to thank DH for cutting the grass, taking the rubbish out, cooking the odd meal, whipping round with the vacuum, unloading the washing machine etc etc? I do it all the time and no one thanks me!

Snap8TheCat Thu 17-Aug-17 07:40:45

Because you're a nice person who has manners. It's nice to be nice as I say to ny children.

It doesn't mean you should be grateful, but saying thank you is a nice word to hear.

Bluntness100 Thu 17-Aug-17 07:44:04

I dunno, sounds like you think he is doing you a favour by doing it.

I don't thank my husband for doing household chores, he doesn't thank me. But he does come out with stuff like " I made a really good job of the grass" cos he needs praise. grin

RallyRoundTheFlagBoys Thu 17-Aug-17 07:46:39

I think it's a good thing to do. It's good to know that we appreciate each other, and I don't believe it diminishes us. We make a habit of it now, and it has definitely improved our marriage.

RallyRoundTheFlagBoys Thu 17-Aug-17 07:47:52

He should be thanking you too.

Toooldtobearsed Thu 17-Aug-17 07:51:16

My DH always says 'I did the washing for you', 'I did the vaccuuming for you' etc., etc.,

He clearly believes he is a levitating nudist.........

McDougal Thu 17-Aug-17 07:54:05

Both DH and I appreciate the other doing general household tasks so both say thank you to each other.

He does however feel the need to point out when he feels he has done something particularly well.....pat on the head, good boy etc etc grin

Beanie3 Thu 17-Aug-17 07:54:53

Yes, you are all right. Manners are important and we all need to know that we're doing a good job. It's just DH does do stuff around the house but looks for praise and treats the whole thing like a personal favour to me.

Cocklodger Thu 17-Aug-17 07:56:18

I can't speak for you of course, but in my experience it's because, being a bloke it's not "their job" to keep house/look after the kids so you can get shit done, work or whatever.
Therefore they need praise and you well, it's your job.

Gorgosparta Thu 17-Aug-17 07:58:23

Dh makes dinner every night. I always say thank you.

He always says thanks when i do his washing.

I just think that when something does something that makes you day easier (like making a meal or doing some washing) you say thanks.

Beanie3 Thu 17-Aug-17 08:02:51

Oh Toooldtobearsed, you did make me laugh. That's exactly how my DH behaves. Wish he was a levitating nudist though, I'd put him in a circus and make a fortune! Well, not sure about the nudist bit but it would cut down on the laundry haha

Neutrogena Thu 17-Aug-17 08:03:09

Stop saying it then.
If you offer yourself as a doormat, expected to get walked over.

strawberrisc Thu 17-Aug-17 08:06:22

How about next time you go really over the top? Put a banner up, tootle on a kazoo, wear a T-Shirt emblazoned with "thank-you's" and produce a small cake?

SasBel Thu 17-Aug-17 08:09:38

Another one who is polite here, we both thank each other for doing chores. We are both part of the household and neither of us are doormats except to the toddler
I think it is nice to be appreciated, hope he does the same for you as you are modelling the behaviour grin

Bobbiepin Thu 17-Aug-17 08:10:40

I say thank you to my DH for doing things around the house and I like it when he does the same with me. We are both functioning adults, no levitating nudists around and we know these jobs have to be done. For me saying thank you is basically thank you for doing the washing up so I didn't have to.

Beanie3 Thu 17-Aug-17 08:13:39

Strawberries, it would be nice to have that amount of free time but yes, I get what you're saying. Sarcasm springs to mind though and it's doesn't drive me insane, it's just irritating.

Beanie3 Thu 17-Aug-17 08:15:12

Oops sorry, predictive text. I should have written Strawberrisc.

houseofhungryboys Thu 17-Aug-17 08:21:25

Medal ceremonies are a regular feature here when DH does a little bit of housework or cooking! It's a standing joke, kids find it annoying though every single time. FIL is exactly the same and MIL makes it worse by heaping on the praise .......I just ignore - that works for me

Beanie3 Thu 17-Aug-17 08:22:32

It's not the thanks that's the issue, not at all, manners are so important. It's the 'I've done you a personal favour, I did this for you' bit that DH implies whenever he does stuff in the house. Like I'm the only person who creates these chores in our house.

MachineBee Thu 17-Aug-17 08:30:12

Play him at his own game. If you put away his pants and socks, make a big deal of it.

My DH is great ...and crap at stuff. He will empty bins, wash up, do DIY without being nagged asked. But expect him to put his tools away after, close a cupboard door or actually wash everything up (he always leaves one or two thingshmm), that's another thing.

However, I do thank him for doing stuff as I think it's a way of saying you not only appreciate them doing it, it let's them know you noticed. He does the same for me.

Eeeeek2 Thu 17-Aug-17 08:36:28

My dh gives me a detailed breakdown of exactly what he has done. When he finishes I either lavish praise on him like he has just discovered a scientific breakthrough or start my list of what I've done in the same level of detail. He gets the point.

DancesWithOtters Thu 17-Aug-17 08:42:10

See, I did this to try and "train" him.

He puts the bins out - he gets made a cup of tea.

He unloads the dishwasher - I bring him a yoghurt.

Not that he deserves these things, but I'd hoped that by doing this he would subtly associate doing the shit jobs I hate with being given a reward. Like teaching a dog to sit or roll over. grin

Seems to work better than nagging.

trilbydoll Thu 17-Aug-17 08:45:33

I always say thank you, as does dh. We both live in this house, it needs doing and whoever does it has saved the other one. So you're always doing the other person a favour iyswim.

LostSight Thu 17-Aug-17 08:46:50

Isn't this what the book 'Wifework' is all about? Many men consider the house to be woman's work so if they do anything, they are 'helping'.

Not just men either. Many women (myself included) have been raised to consider the same thing. I am trying to ensure my children grow up with a different view, but it's an uphill struggle.

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