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To be miserable by some people's perfect life's?

(89 Posts)
Longlongroad Wed 16-Aug-17 22:40:16

Name change for this.

I'm about to call time on my marriage due to many reasons, the main one being he cheated on me!! We have 2DC aged 9 and 6.

I'm waiting until the DC go back to school before I tell him I want a divorce as I don't want to spoil the rest of their holidays.

But I'm starting to feel miserable about the future. Tonight I was browsing through fb at some of my old school friends and feel really envious of some of them and what they've achieved.

It's made me think about my life and what I've achieved. I have 2Dc but that's it. I'm 40, no career (sahm), live in a shit town, I'm fat, and about to become a single parent on benefits!!

Please tell me things will get better?

NameChanger22 Wed 16-Aug-17 22:46:15

One thing you might gain is more self-respect. Nobody has ever managed to convince me that being a single mum is a bad thing. Why should it be? I'm very proud of my daughter and how she's been raised, without help from anyone. Having a man around wouldn't make me a better parent or person.

You also might love your independence and freedom. Keep your chin up and make good plans for your future. Things might be a lot better than you think they're going to be.

NameChanger22 Wed 16-Aug-17 22:47:28

Also, stop comparing yourself to others, that's a recipe for misery. Just vow to make your lives as good as you can every day.

YouRat Wed 16-Aug-17 22:47:49

OP sounds like you're In a really bad place ATM. Take things one step at a time. Btw I think having two healthy children is a big deal and should delight in that too.
Once the divorce is final make a list of things you would like to achieve for yourself and try to go though them. I've been on benefits. It's shit yes. But with a little motivation you could have a really happy and settled life again. Just remember all this is temporary and you still have your whole future ahead of you. Stay positive. flowers

ThongofJustine Wed 16-Aug-17 22:48:20

Of course they will - you're a strong and amazing woman who will find a new kind of happiness. Start thinking of things YOU want to do (hobbies/sports/interests and get going on them. This time next year you'll look back and be proud of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Remember that Facebook is an edited version of lives - no one posts about the shit stuff!

ChardonnaysPrettySister Wed 16-Aug-17 22:49:24

No one's live is perfect.

Some people like to present it that way, but nit every thing on FB is true.

Trills Wed 16-Aug-17 22:50:32

You're comparing your insides to other people's outsides, which is understandable but never fun.

You've had bad luck but you can control some of your life - make sure that what you are in control of is the way you would like it. You are taking control by saying that you want a divorce. Take control in the rest of your life as well.

Being single can be wonderful. You can do what you want with your time, have your home the way you want it.

You have more time in your career future than in your career past - what do you want to do with that time?

PaperdollCartoon Wed 16-Aug-17 22:50:43

You're going through a lot. Well done on being brave enough to leave.

Noones life is perfect, we all go through trials. Other relationships might look perfect but you never know what's going on behind closed doors x

Littlecaf Wed 16-Aug-17 22:51:38

Facebook is not real life. It's a projection of what others want you to see.

Once you have the separation sorted, set your self some sensible goals like-

Lose some weight by Xmas
Look at retraining courses
Look at part time work

Do it step by step, walk before you run and you'll soon see the difference.

Also without wanting to sound cheesy.....be kind to yourself. It's a big step. You can do it!

ineedamoreadultieradult Wed 16-Aug-17 22:51:56

Facebook is not real life, some people post the shit stuff on FB but most people don't, you just see the bits that make their lives look perfect.
There is nothing wrong in striving for things that will make you happy but make sure they are the things that will make you happy not what you think is a 'perfect life'

Shenanagins Wed 16-Aug-17 22:52:06

Facebook lives are an exaggeration of life - mine looks so great that even I want that life!

For the other stuff, grieve over the end of your marriage, that's normal. As for everything else that can be changed for the better even if it feels impossible right now.

Longlongroad Wed 16-Aug-17 22:55:04

Thanks for the kind words and support. Think I'm just having a bad few days emotionally.

I would like to train as a teacher but worry that I'm too old.

Mysteriouscurle Wed 16-Aug-17 22:55:44

We all know screwed up people with jobs they hate in miserable relationships whose lives look "amazing" and who are "feeling blessed"on FB. More like feeling shit. Take what you readon FB with a very large pinch of salt. And yes. Things will get better.

Stoptherideiwannagetoff Wed 16-Aug-17 22:56:36

Chin up OP x flowers it can get better be strong and keep going... can you pop along and see what the local college has to offer to keep you occupied while dc are at school... you never know what could come of it !!!

Stoptherideiwannagetoff Wed 16-Aug-17 22:57:58

Oh, BTW... he's a git and you're never too old... go for it!!!

Cherrytart6 Wed 16-Aug-17 22:58:37

You're rating everyone's value by their material, academic, aesthetic and career success. Seriously there's much more to life! You need to list all your great qualities and all the good things in your life

You are going through a major life change at the moment so you are probably reflecting on what your life could have been. That is understandable but ultimately will keep you churning over the past. When you feel ready start focusing on how you would like your life to be.
If you want to be a teacher go for it. Assuming it took 5 years to organise and qualify you could easily have a 15-20 year career if you wanted.

YouRat Wed 16-Aug-17 23:00:50

I'm turning 40 this year been a sahm for over 12 years.im starting an OU course in September. You're not too old.

Brittbugs80 Wed 16-Aug-17 23:02:06

Please tell me things will get better

You have made the decision to get rid of the cheating sack of shit that is your Husband. You have two wonderful children and being 40 means you have enough life experiences to realise actually, fuck everyone else, my life is brilliant now because I'm the one in control of it.

You will get upset by the end of your marriage, it's perfectly normal, but look how brave you are to get rid of the biggest thing that was bringing you down?

I'd make Fbook the next thing you get rid off. Just remember pictures on there are picked purposely to try and create and maintain an image and lets face it, if your life was that perfect and sociable would really post it on line or would you be living and enjoying it?

And 9 times out of 10, it's MLM "boss babes" who, for some reason, think they are living the dream because they are working their business from their office (settee) in their own clothes (usually PJ's) working hours that suit them (posting this shit at 11pm drinking rose)

BenLui Wed 16-Aug-17 23:05:05

I'm sorry you're feeling down.

Look at it this way, you're about to start a new phase of your life. You can make it what you choose.

Two friends of mine retrained as teachers in their mid forties. It's quite common.

Best wishes flowers

FreudianSlurp Wed 16-Aug-17 23:06:44

Never compare your whole life with an edited highlight of someone else's life flowers

Carouselfish Wed 16-Aug-17 23:07:36

Don't look at FB!!!

SpitefulMidLifeAnimal Wed 16-Aug-17 23:08:44

FB actually stands for "fake biography". That mum with her new baby? She's filtered to fuck and sat on a rubber ring. The handsome step-dad boasting about his "amazing blended family"? Five minutes after he posted that, little Johnny screamed "You ain't my dad" at him. That six bed, three bog house someone's just bought? Mortgaged up to the hilt, my dear.

DJBaggySmalls Wed 16-Aug-17 23:09:27

Me and several of my friends have been through this. I know its tough doing it. Its tough having no money.
But have you ever had toothache, or a migraine? You know the relief when the pain stops, and you start to feel yourself again? You get that back.
You might be able to retrain. Its not easy but have a look at what courses are available near you, and move if you have to. It wont be long before the kids are adults.

Meantime, stay off Facebook, its not good for you peace of mind. Use your internet time to research and plan your future instead.

NK493efc93X1277dd3d6d4 Wed 16-Aug-17 23:10:30

Of course it will get better. Once you no longer have him weighing you down with misery & despair.
Alone is much better than with someone you cannot trusted which only depletes your confidence.
Have faith and look longer term. Best of luck.

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