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To ask you your best corny joke for National Tell A Joke Day?

(126 Posts)
SabineUndine Wed 16-Aug-17 19:20:19

Bring 'em on!

barefoofdoctor Wed 16-Aug-17 19:21:17

Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he kneaded a poo. Sorry but I love it!

OnlyRose Wed 16-Aug-17 19:21:42

Why do Swedish warships have bar codes on the sides?
So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian!
grin

Scottishgirl85 Wed 16-Aug-17 19:22:04

What is brown and sticky?
A stick!

insancerre Wed 16-Aug-17 19:22:05

What's brown and sticky?
A stick

Knock knock!
Who's there?
I done up
I done up who?

SweetChickadee Wed 16-Aug-17 19:22:19

what's brown and sticky?

a stick

RedStripeLassi Wed 16-Aug-17 19:22:35

Damn brownfoot you got there before me!!

RedStripeLassi Wed 16-Aug-17 19:22:51

barefoof

SweetChickadee Wed 16-Aug-17 19:23:00

arse grin

what's pink and wrinkly and hangs out your pants?

your mum

SheGotOffThePlane Wed 16-Aug-17 19:23:07

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot grin

DuncanDonut Wed 16-Aug-17 19:23:08

What do you call an alligator wearing a vest?

An investigator. 😁

insancerre Wed 16-Aug-17 19:23:23

Lol Scottish girl
Obviously a great sense of humour you've got there

SabineUndine Wed 16-Aug-17 19:23:36

Why do ducks like going out in the rain?

Because they're quackers.

CigarsofthePharoahs Wed 16-Aug-17 19:24:59

Did you hear the guy who invented autocorrect died?
I didn't even know he was I'll.

What did the jelly say to start the race?
Ready, set…

My 6 year old made up the 2nd one!

AfunaMbatata Wed 16-Aug-17 19:25:10

How does Jesus make his tea?

-Hebrews it grin

ShaneBitchy Wed 16-Aug-17 19:25:29

Which bees make milk?

Boobies

GiveMeTheTeaAndNobodyGetsHurt Wed 16-Aug-17 19:25:43

Why couldn't the owl get a girlfriend?
Because he didn't have the wit to woo

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field

LassWiTheDelicateAir Wed 16-Aug-17 19:27:27

I'm hopeless at jokes and this is a one liner rather than a joke but I thought this was really funny from Sarah Pascoe at the Edinburgh Fringe one year.

"You can't lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn't come back then what you have lost is a pigeon"

Timefortea99 Wed 16-Aug-17 19:27:32

What do you call a one eyed dinosaur?

A Doyouthinkhesawus?

AfunaMbatata Wed 16-Aug-17 19:28:25

-Knock knock
*Who's there?
-Isabelle
*Isabelle who?
-Isabelle really necessary on a bicycle?

RiverTam Wed 16-Aug-17 19:28:40

I see the stick joke has already made several appearance.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting cat.
Interrupting ca-
Miaow!

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered Wed 16-Aug-17 19:28:52

And Jesus said, "Come forth and receive eternal life!"

But John came fifth and won a toaster oven.

Blondielongie Wed 16-Aug-17 19:29:59

What's a pirates favourite letter?

'R'?

'ARRRRR, it be the C'

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 16-Aug-17 19:30:30

I have a racing snail.
I removed his shell thinking it would make him go faster, but it's just made him more sluggish.

SilverySurfer Wed 16-Aug-17 19:30:58

What do you call a man with no arms or legs floating in the ocean? Bob.

What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Eileen.

grin

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