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Sterilisation - posting for traffic

(105 Posts)
StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 14:43:33

Afternoon ladies, inspired by another thread on here today, I want to ask you about sterilisation.

I've had the implant for 10 years. It's caused me no end of misery in that time - ridiculous weight gain, acne and painful sores on my face, absolutely crazy hormonal crap from total rage to sobbing at inappropriate times, to failure with my third one which led to me having to terminate. I also haven't had a period in two years but still get all the PMS symptoms but they last for 3 weeks at a time.

I absolutely hate it. But I can't take the pill due to high risk strokes and DVT in the family, plus the risk of forgetting and getting pregnant again terrifies me.

People have recommended the coil but I know there's been a lot of issues with failures and similar hormonal concerns.

So I have just rang the GP for an appointment to have a chat about sterilisation. For the record, I'm 33 (soon 34) with two DCs and am adamant I never want any more. In fact the fear of pregnancy puts me off sex and we use condoms as well as the implant to reduce the risk. I never ever want more children but then I couldn't ever go through another termination - I think about the one I had nearly everyday, I'm carrying so much guilt but I know it was the right decision at the time. I also do monthly pregnancy tests to make sure I'm not too, otherwise I just panic. If I was I'd no idea what to do - two terminations in a lifetime feels so wrong to me, but what other choice would I have?

So what are the chances of me getting a yes from the GP? Based on the criteria above, so my age, the fat I have 2 DCs and my anxiety regarding further pregnancy (I know there is a small risk of it with sterilisation - it's all I've read about for months) plus the fact I struggle with general contraception. Also had anyone actually had it done? And has it been as successful as it's meant to be?

Any thoughts much appreciated - this has been weighing on my mind for a long time, I know it's what I want but if I have to go private it's a long time to save up to me.

Thank you.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 15-Aug-17 14:59:57

I got my tubes tied at 26 after 2 children. That was 17 years ago. Best decision ever. I have never had any side affects or issues because of it.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:00:02

Wow, quiet today...anybody?

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:00:56

Aquamarine thank you, did you go NHS or private? If I get the green light I'm just wondering what the waiting lists are like.

Ottiva Tue 15-Aug-17 15:02:29

Would your DH/DP consider vasectomy?

JacquesHammer Tue 15-Aug-17 15:06:15

Honestly - I can't say it varies so much from PCT to PCT.

Mine is in the big fat no camp for me. I'm 37, one child and infertile but still don't meet the criteria

Bumbumtaloo Tue 15-Aug-17 15:06:48

I was sterilised at 32 after my two dd's were born. I had to change doctors due to a house move and wasn't sure my new doctor would agree - I had two horrendous pregnancies and honestly couldn't take another one!

The GP didn't want to refer me at first, admittedly I got quite shitty with her and told her maybe she should read my notes!! Within two hours of being home she rang and said she had written the referral.

I had the op 8wks later.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:09:11

Ottivia DH is only 27, he did offer but I said no. I know they can be reversed but that's not always successful and, sounds bad I know, if anything happened between us, I would like him to have the option of more children if he wished. That sounds awful, but I'm thinking practically - you never know what's round the corner, especially as he's so young.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:10:24

Jaques Yes that's what I'm thinking will happen here...but I don't know anyone locally who's been through the process so can't ask for criteria in my area...I guess the GP will tell me that.

MrsExpo Tue 15-Aug-17 15:11:12

I had the op at my request at 31 and am childless. The pill wasn't suiting me and I was sure I never wanted DCs so I got my tubes clipped. That was a few years ago though. Things might have changed now. Good luck OP. It was the best thing I ever did.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:12:38

Bumble wow that was quick then? I've no idea about criteria here, I know it varies as PPs have said, but I have nothing medically wrong with me to warrant sterilisation I.e very heavy periods etc.

Its the fear of pregnancy and pumping my body full of hormones for years on end which causes me physical and mental misery...but I don't think that would meet the criteria IYSWIM?

Brittbugs80 Tue 15-Aug-17 15:13:35

I saw mynDr. He agreed he sent to hospital for appointment, two weeks later I appointment, went. Went over the risks and time to heal etc sent me home with leaflets with a week to think about.

DH went to Dr's, got a referral for vasectomy, had appointment at hospital, agreed to vasectomy, appointment came for our local surgery and was done and dusted within three weeks.

There's a lot of negatives for females and it is easier for a male. Recovery is two days off work, female can be upto 6 months. They do the procedure two ways with females and if one doesn't work, they can't repeat it.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:14:32

MrsExpo That's good, I've read they're more reluctant to do the op with people who haven't had children usually. That's what I'm pinning my hopes on for meeting the criteria - I e had 2 DCs, certainly don't want more and the thought of that sends me into a blind panic and upset :/

upaladderagain Tue 15-Aug-17 15:14:38

If you're registered with a group practice a friendly receptionist may be able to steer you towards the one most likely to be understanding.
I was sterilized in mid-30s and it was absolutely perfect for me.
Had it done 6 weeks after GP, home within a couple of hours and sex became fun again after months of anxiety and reluctance on both our parts. No side effects at all, just big smiles all round.

anniroc Tue 15-Aug-17 15:15:03

I have had a coil (Minera) for one year now. It's changed my life (heavy periods) and is apparently as effective as sterilisation. No side effects apart from bigger boobs! I dont have to do anything else for another 4 years. Just wanted to give you a positive experience of having a coil smile

upaladderagain Tue 15-Aug-17 15:15:19

By 'the one' I meant GP.

AlmostAJillSandwich Tue 15-Aug-17 15:16:05

Why should her husband/dp consider vasectomy when it is OP who adamantly doesnt want more children? Vasectomies can also in some cases self reverse so i doubt it would solve ops fears anyway and leave a man infertile with the risk (however small) the relationship doesnt eork out and he cant have more children with a sebsequent partner.

Yes, male sterisation is easier safer and less invasive, BUT youre basically dismissing his future ability to reproduce if the relationship ends. So much uproar at the very suggestion a woman should be responsible for contraception or get an implant if a man doesnt like condoms etc yet when a woman is certain SHE wants no more children one of the first suggestions is always for the man to have his testicles cut in to and HIS fertility taken away.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:18:51

Britt I've researched it quite a lot and looked at the risks but the reasons for getting it done outweigh them IYSWIM?

I wouldn't ask DH to do it purely because he's 27 and whilst he's sure WE don't want more children, if anything happens to us down the line, I'd hate for the option of having more children to be taken away from him. Although he did offer, which was very sweet.

GeminiRising Tue 15-Aug-17 15:20:11

I was sterilised at 35 (now 46) after having 2 kids, a termination because of condom failure and a really bad experience with the mirena coil. I was having the depo injection but was told I could only have it for 6 months because of my weight so I told the GP that they would have to sterilise me because I wasn't risking condoms again. I just insisted - I absolutely did not want any more children. End of story.

I've had no subsequent issues, lighter periods as a result (I had permanent spotting as well as heavy periods when on the coil) and I'm so much happier now.

I know some GP's seem to think that women don't know their own mind on this stuff. If you get one like that tell the GP that current contraceptive methods are not working for you and there is no alternative. If you are sure that this is the right thing for you then just stay in the room with the doctor until you get a referral.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:21:27

Upladder that sounds great... and exactly what I'm after! The fear is real and really affects us, plus the added guilt from the termination plays on my mind, especially this time of year. That's why I really really want it done - I'm properly stuck. I'm adamant no more kids - ever - but I couldn't go through with another termination. I'm in no way judging anyone else, but it's not for me - the guilt over the one I had is bad enough for me to deal with I certainly couldn't handle another on my conscience.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:24:18

Anniroc Thank you. I'm just so scared it's going to fail. I'm very fertile - got pregnant with DD after just 2 months off the pill when I was 18, then DS I'd had the implant out for a month and bam! Pregnant. The fact that the implant failed really jarred me, but the Dr said it's very very rare, so I was just unlucky - which didn't exactly cheer me up when I booked the termination. I had this one put in, no further pregnancy issues, but it makes me so miserable.

I'm just fed up and can't think of a solution except this one that solves everything.

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:26:48

Almost Cross post - I've stated that vasectomy is not an option purely for these reasons - 27, may want more kids with someone else if anything happens to me/us. He did offer because he loves me and sees how much shit this all causes me, but I replied with a robust No Way. But I appreciates the offer. I have a brilliant and supportive DH so I would never take his fertility away from him - as you say, it's my decision to end my own fertility.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 15-Aug-17 15:27:39

My operation was paid through private insurance. My doctor was very supportive and agreed with my position 100%. I had 2 beautiful children but I absolutely did not want another. I never changed my mind and I knew I wouldn't. It infuriates me that some doctors think they have the right to tell a woman she doesn't know what she wants for herself. It's fucking outrageous.

DubaiismyBlackpool Tue 15-Aug-17 15:28:21

I had it done after DD2 was born when I was 32. My DH is 8 years younger, so there was no chance he'd be allowed a vasectomy.
Being sterilised was the best thing I've ever done. No more blind panic if my period was late and being able to actually relax and enjoy sex was a revelation.
I had it at around 6 pm under general anaesthetic and was home by 11 pm the same day.
I bled for a few days afterwards then my actual periods didn't come back for 3 months, but it settled and became regular again.
Some years later, when my appendix ruptured, I had a full body scan and one of the clips had disappeared - good job they double clipped me. Thinking about it now, I wonder if the lose clip was the cause of the rupture??hmm

Good luck OP!

StewPots Tue 15-Aug-17 15:29:09

Gemini I've prepared myself for the fact that I'm unlikely to get what I want on the first try, but I will be insistent. It's at the point where it's a regular cause of upset, and I can totally see myself in the surgery in tears begging to be considered because it's taken over my life in so many ways.

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