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AIBU?

To hate the phrase full time mum

203 replies

NotPennysBoat815 · 15/08/2017 08:02

I was reading the mail yesterday ( ) and they kept referring to a stay at home mum as a full time mum. I work full time but surely that doesn't make me a part time mum?

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Sunnysidegold · 15/08/2017 08:03

Good timing! I saw someone call themselves this on a thread here today and was a bit surprised. Obviously if you work you are only a part time parent. I believe the term she was looking for was SAHM or WFHM.

Heathen4Hire · 15/08/2017 08:04

If you are a parent you are always full-time, whether you work or not. Just because you don't spend all your time at home doesn't negate the importance you have in your child's life.

Coconutspongexo · 15/08/2017 08:08

YADNBU I was called a part time mum for workin and going to uni by a girl who thinks it's neglectful to work/study whilst your child is under 5. she does not think it's wrong to go to Ibiza for 10 days without her child 4 months after having a baby and Amsterdam two weeks after Ibiza

splendide · 15/08/2017 08:10

I see why it's annoying but I don't think people mean it like that.

NataliaOsipova · 15/08/2017 08:10

This one has been done to death! There isn't a snappy phrase for these things that doesn't piss someone off. Equally, I am the primary carer for my children 24/7, but very rarely have a day where I stay in our house. So "stay at home mum" doesn't do it for me. But without launching into a speech about the exact minutiae of one's life every time someone asks "What do you do?" (when nobody is all that interested anyway), you cannot give an accurate snapshot.

NotPennysBoat815 · 15/08/2017 08:11

I also think it has "Hun" connotations. Then I think maybe I'm just jealous of SAHMs? Either way FT mum shouldn't be a phrase.

OP posts:

OrphanAccount · 15/08/2017 08:11

I work and it doesn't bother me. People just use it interchangeably with SAHM.

splendide · 15/08/2017 08:11

As has been discussed ad infinitum on here it depends whether you think of being a mum as a state of being or an activity. So I think of it as a state so wouldn't say full time mum in the same way I wouldn't say full time daughter.

Katmeifyoucan · 15/08/2017 08:13

Does it really matter? If someone describes themselves as full time Mum it means they don't work. It is not describing others as part time Mum.

NataliaOsipova · 15/08/2017 08:14

I must admit that it's not a phrase I use (I hadn't thought of the Hun thing, but maybe that's why I don't like it!). I would usually just say "I don't work" or "I drive small children around the county", which is probably about the most accurate!

robinia · 15/08/2017 08:15

Whereas I find patronising the term SAHM - I don't stay at home, I parent full time - or did before the kids went to school. Full time to me is (or was) a more accurate term than stay at home.

Looneytune253 · 15/08/2017 08:16

To be fair though, someone who is at home is doing it full time. Obv someone who works is still a mum the whole time but they're not necessarily parenting full time. People get too offended over literal statements these days.

MistressPage · 15/08/2017 08:16

I think full time mum is fairly appropriate if you have toddlers. I use it to describe myself because that's what I do. I will continue to do so. It's not an attack or judgement on anyone who puts their kids in nursery, it's just the most appropriate description for me, our life and what we do (not all that much staying at home!) I think taking offence at the term is sadly indicative of all the endless mum-guilt that comes from comparing ourselves with others. Just focus on what you do and don't worry about what anyone else calls themselves.

Livingondaisland24 · 15/08/2017 08:17

I say. Im at home raising my children.

MrsJayy · 15/08/2017 08:18

It is the mail they are stuck in 1970 something and also they like dividing women into boxes yanbu though it is annoying I also hate sahm and wohm it makes no sense to me you either have a paid job or you don't

splendide · 15/08/2017 08:18

To be fair though "full time mum" only makes sense if the mum's who work are part time mums. Otherwise it just means the same as mum.

Bluntness100 · 15/08/2017 08:18

I think you're being over sensitive. You know it means someone who is a full time carer for their child and doesn't have outside employment.

I agree though it's a daft expression, we are all parents, some of us work in paid employment, others don't, it doesn't change your parent status if you work outside the home to financially support your child, or don't.

splendide · 15/08/2017 08:19

Yes exactly mrs Jay

Blazedandconfused · 15/08/2017 08:19

I can't get wound up over this.

I work part time and look after my kids the rest of the time. Honestly, j look forward to my 9 hour chunks at work. I really feel like it's time off from the harder job.

MrsJayy · 15/08/2017 08:19

Tbf least it isn't housewife

peneleope82 · 15/08/2017 08:21

It's so confusing. I have friends who take offence at 'full time mum' but then call themselves a 'full time working mum' - not sure if under the same logic I should be annoyed as that insinuates that what I do all day isn't hard work? Fortunately I don't care

I call myself a 'stay at home parent' as that seems to annoy people the least.

gingerh4ir · 15/08/2017 08:21

doesn't bother me - I find it is mainly used by Sahm friends as another way of saying they are stay at home parents.

I work and consider myself still as a full time mum - providing a roof, clothing and food for my DC are just as much parenting responsibilities as bathing them or doing the bed time

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MeUnreasonableOrHim · 15/08/2017 08:23

People use that term to validate themselves because they don't like the connotations attached to the term 'unemployed'. It's the same thing.

I find it insulting, I work long hours but in no way am I a part time parent. Being a parent isn't a job and shouldn't be treated as such. If women are so desperate for an employment status that they have to apply it to their status as a parent they should go and get a job.

The problem really lies with societies attitudes towards women who don't work. If it wasn't deemed to be lazy to stay at home then the term full time mum wouldn't even exist.

Gorgosparta · 15/08/2017 08:24

I work. The phrase doesnt bother me as such. But i can see why it would upset some.

It sounds like working mums arent really mums all the time. Which we are.

The only time it really gets my goat is when sil used to use it. But thats because shevtold me outright that women who want to work should be infertile and not be allowed to have kids. Odd though that she now works. But then i am not a fan of most of the stufd she says.

Skittlesss · 15/08/2017 08:26

They should just say unemployed. As that's what they are if asked for employment status.

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