Is this wanky? Would you come?

[Crossoldwasp]

Hi all,

DH's and my ten-year wedding anniversary is still a little way off yet, but I'm starting to think about putting on a low-key but "naice" event to celebrate with close friends and family (25 - 30 guests), and need to check that I'm not breaking any of the MN rules in relation to wedding-related party planning :)

What I'm thinking is to hire a room at the same venue where we got married (small Tudor hotel) and put on an afternoon tea (largely self-catered) and shitloads of prosecco event for mid-afternoon.

I wasn't thinking to do an evening event after, mainly as budget wouldn't stretch that far - though not sure what guests would make of this...? Most (but not all) guests live within an hour or two of the venue.

Am undecided on whether to do a formal renewal of vows. On the one hand it would give more of a sense of occasion to the day; on the other, I'm aware they can be seen by some as maybe a bit cheesy and self-congratulatory (am not saying they are at all!). I'm not particularly sold on renewing vows for its own sake though - another idea might be a couple of nice speeches to kick off proceedings instead?

We'd specify absolutely no presents, btw, and welcome / cater to the children in the family.

AIBU to wonder whether MNers would a) come and b) approve if invited by close friends or family to something like this...? Or would people be inwardly cringing into their scones and ruing lack of evening booze-up afterwards...?

Mumsnet feedback very welcome - thank you!!

[Ginslinger]

I think that our own anniversaries are very important but less so for other peoples' and I probably wouldn't come.

[StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes]

yes please, I'll come. not so keen on the renewal stuff but I would enjoy a couple of shortish speeches and maybe you kick start a dance to your wedding song? leave me a bottle on my table and I'll be happy :)

[StressExpress]

Sounds nice to me. One thing tho, I used to love the idea of renewing vows until I kept hearing it was mainly what people who'd had an affair/nearly divorced did to 'reaffirm' the marriage, sort of put me off!

[NataliaOsipova]

I think that sounds very nice (and I'm someone who cringes at a wedding invitation!). Agree with you re the vows (bit unnecessary and toe curling), but a celebratory scone and glass of bubbles sounds lovely. Daytime probably logistically easier as well, as you don't need hotel rooms/childcare and all that jazz.

[Only1scoop]

Tea sounds nice but renewal of vows bit would put me off attending.

Wedding Anniversaries aren't that important to others.

[OwlinaTree]

Sounds like a nice party, can't see any anyone would be offended by that.

[teaandtoast]

I wouldn't go. But then I didn't celebrate my 25 anniversary with friends either. (Had an afternoon tea at a naice hotel.)

[BarbarianMum]

Well I wouldn't travel hundreds of miles and book a hotel to attend a renewal of vows, but I'd certainly go if i was local (ish) and free that day. Sounds like a nice idea.

[PandorasXbox]

I probably wouldn't attend if I lived 2 hours away if I'm honest but it sounds a lovely idea ( don't do the renewing of wedding vows though )

[treaclesoda]

If I'm brutally honest, I'd think it was strange to have a party for a ten year anniversary. 50 years I understand, 10 seems strange.

But, having said all that, I think what you have planned sounds perfectly nice, without the renewing vows bit.

[Ameliablue]

I'd go if family invited me but I'd probably think it a bit odd as anniversaries for me are for delivering with my husband rather than anyone else, at least until about 25 years.

[Iamcheeseman]

Seems weird to me. Then again my in laws send us an anniversary card each year which I don't understand either. They are the only ones who do.
Maybe for 50 years I can understand a party but not 10! Anyone having anything weddingy (party/vow renewal) without being married at least 40 years screams we are clinging on and trying to reassure ourselves/ one of us had an affair to me.

[Ameliablue]

Delivering= celebrating

[ShatnersWig]

Sorry, can't get beyond "wanky" and "come in the same headline without laughing.

[Brittbugs80]

I wouldn't attend. It all sounds very pleasant though. I don't think many are that invested in wedding anniversaries. We always get anniversary cards off immediate family and best friends but wouldn't throw a party to celebrate.

Why a 10 year party?

[NoCapes]

Anniversaries are just for the couple IMO
So I'd find it weird and wouldn't go

[pictish]

Hmm...it depends on your family dynamic and social circle really. Only you will know if those around you would be stirred to celebrate your anniversary with you like that.

[LogicalPsycho]

I think it all sounds lovely, and would be a great opportunity for family to get together - except for the renewal of wedding vows.
Just a personal opinion (and I'm probably BVU and cynical) but when I see renewals, I always wonder which one of the couple had the affair.

[ZenNudist]

It sounds like a lovely excuse to get friends and family together. Id be a bit at the reason, privately saying 'who celebrates 10 years?!' 25 and 40 yes. 10 no.

But as you say strictly no gifts its more generous. Id still feel obliged to get you something. Id also resent having to find an outfit, unless you say dress code casual. I think a lot depends on your own family and friend group dynamics. Is lots of unnecessary hosting and posh dos the thing where you are?

[Dragonflycushion]

I'd be wondering which one of you had cheated sorry.

[HotelEuphoria]

No I wouldn't go. I lived with DH for ten years before we got married, so a marriage of ten years in terms of a celebration outside the immediate family seems a bit meh, and dare I say it also a bit cringe.

I do however hope the two of you have a lovely day whatever you do decide to do.

[cricketballs]

If I'm brutally honest, I'd think it was strange to have a party for a ten year anniversary. 50 years I understand, 10 seems strange.

This

[DearMrDilkington]

Sorry, can't get beyond "wanky" and "come in the same headline without laughing.

[M00nUnit]

I think it sounds fab and would definitely want to go. I'd leave out the marriage vows renewal bit though, it seems a bit pointless to me and might make people assume there's been some kind of huge marital problem you're trying to put behind you e.g. an affair.

[HazelBite]

I recently (two weeks ago) had an afternoon tea to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. As you say afternoons are easier with small children.
The only thing I would say is that my niece told me that she had thought about having a ten year anniversary party (she got married the day before our 30th anniversary), when she mentioned it to family and friends nobody seemed that interested asking "Why?" the general opinion being you celebrate 25 years and after that the big anniversaries.
So before you go ahead, I would sound out if your potential guests and see what they think.