AIBU - You don't bring a toddler to a hen do?

[whyhastherumgone]

Okay, so maybe I'll be flamed by this but hopefully not.

Summary: I am organising hen do for good friend along with another friend of the bride. I don't really know the other friend, and I don't really know many of the other women who are coming because they're from different groups - ie her work, her old saturday job, her neighbour etc

Anyway I've worked really hard to try and organise everything - which is usually a nightmare anyway as people don't reply to confirm things etc etc, and have sorted out some activities etc and some lovely accommodation as well as dinner for one of the nights and a night out.

I've been out of action a little for a few days this week as I'm seven weeks pregnant and managed to get a bug that was going round, so I wasn't hot on messages and didn't see a few til yesterday.

The long and short of it is - despite everything being arranged, booked and paid for and taking place in two weeks, one of the women has now announced she will be bringing her toddler daughter and her partner because her daughter won't sleep unless she's there and her DP can't handle her tantrums when she gets hysterical, so they are both coming. DP will be there to watch her during the day at the accommodation, and they will all be coming to the meal on the friday night but we have to put the time back so it fits around her DD's feeding routine or something.

She also said she now needs a private room as she'll be with her DP and daughter - originally it's been organised in a beautiful converted barn and people are sharing, it was all previously discussed and agreed.

I'm a bit taken aback that I've just been told this - and the other woman who I'm organising it with has agreed - but it's too late for us to change the accommodation, I can't magic up an extra room and I think a toddler and partner at dinner is going to ruin the dynamic...

It's all a surprise for the bride so I haven't said anything to her as don't want to stress her out - my feeling is to go back and just say no, sorry this has all been prearranged as you know and this won't work....

Or am I being unfair?! I don't have children [yet] so I don't know if this is one of those things where actually people are going to say oh if her DD isn't sleeping then she has to work around that...

If it was a quiet, chilled out one then maybe - but there's going to be the classic hen do games, drinking games, a night out...it just seems a bit weird?

Gah. I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something.

[TurnipCake]

"Sorry this arrangement is not going to work"

Repeat ad nuseum till it sinks in

[Namechangetempissue]

Not unfair at all. She should pull out or perhaps her DH should just get his shit together and parent their child. Ask her to make other arrangements if she would like to attend as spaces are limited and there are no other rooms available.

[MrsJoyOdell]

"No, fuck off"

[FreyaJade]

No one normal would want a potentially bratty toddler at a adult hen party, & having a man there will ruin the atmosphere unless he's a stripper.

In fact, book a stripper- she won't be able to come then.

[squoosh]

Tell her a big fat NOPE.

She seriously wants to bring her kid and partner to a converted barn you've rented for the weekend? All because her partner doesn't know how to handle the kid's tantrums? And she expects to bring them along to the dinner you've booked?

N
O
P
E

[PurplePidjin]

No. No way. I have two toddlers and there is no way in hell they're coming to a hen do

[InDubiousBattle]

'I can only assume you're joking! No one would really bring a dp and toddler to a hen do'

Text that.

[MrsBobDylan]

Jesus wept. This woman is bonkers. Say no. Nooooooooo!

[Blondefancy]

I second the stripper option! That way they won't turn up, YANBU don't worry 😉

[squoosh]

I understand you're not a parent yet OP but I presume some of the other attendees probably are. Can't imagine they'll be too thrilled to find out their childfree weekend is suddenly a bit less childfree.

[TurnipCake]

I hate hen dos. I'm going to be busy for the next one, washing my hair or something

Honestly OP, organising my own wedding has been nowhere near as stressful as arranging my best friend's hen. Never in frozen hell will I ever do that again.

I had one hen pull out because after discussion with her 'D'H, she 'couldn't possibly' leave two young children in his care

And private room? Get tae fuck

[JeffJarrett]

Wow. That's quite an impressive sense of entitlement she has. I'm surprised her DP is willing to go along with it too.

I am 100% sure every other person attending would be mightily pissed off if she came with man and child in tow.

I'd be hard pushed not to just say "I don't fucking think so, don't be so utterly ridiculous dear"

[ElinoristhenewEnid]

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaa

Unbelievable!

[Pud2]

Absolutely no way! All sounds very needy and self centred. The child's father needs to deal with his own child. I'd say that I'm sorry but there isn't a spare room for her to have to herself, full stop. Perhaps they could stay nearby in a B and B or something so she can still take part?

[Crunchymum]

I think I'd get the bride involved. Let her decide and let her be the one to tell the woman the bad news if it's a no go which it fucking well should be. It's rude and entitled and just ridiculous

[ajandjjmum]

Everyone agrees - unheard of. Has to be no!

[icelollycraving]

Tell her that you can't see it working with a partner and child. Say you appreciate she doesn't want to cancelbut you see no option as it's a child free occasion. If she wants to book somewhere else local so she can attend some of it,then take a look at airbnb or trip advisor and then she can drop in as she wants. Sadly you are too tied up to find her somewhere but let you know what your plans are but repeat it's not a family friendly occasion.

[biffyboom]

Ha! Tell her in the group chat that under no circumstances are her child and partner welcome!
Upto her if she wants to attend or not.
I bet the other hens are really pissed off.

[Coulddowithanap]

That's really out of order to want to change plans now, why would her partner want to go to a hen party dinner etc

[Crunchymum]

And yes make them go to a local hotel or B&B if the bride does pander to their ludicrous request.

[Newbiecat]

The poor bride- this will ruin her hen do if a toddler and friends husband turn up! Just say no! Can always email rather than call the friend if you want to avoid feeling awkward tho you really shouldn't as it's her being V unfair!

[whyhastherumgone]

THANK YOU. I feel like I've been slowly going insane throughout the planning of this whole thing [never never again, I naively thought it would be quite straight forward] and this has just pushed me over the edge. But the other organiser friend doesn't seem to have an issue and was all 'we'll make it work somehow'. HOW EXACTLY???

She wants to bring them to the dinner because apparently toddler is very clingy and has the epic tantrums when mum isn't around - so she doesn't want to leave the DP and tantrumming toddler back at the room... [which makes no sense because surely toddler will tantrum the whole time we are out at activity/out for the night etc].

Who knows maybe she's planning on sticking a hen do badge on toddler and bringing her for the drinking games as well.

I will construct a text. May post it here first to make sure there is no way it can be misunderstood.

[Notreallyarsed]

You can't bring your partner and a kid to a hen do! Fucks sake that's ridiculous.

[Notreallyarsed]

And she's being very precious about the child not settling with (I presume) her dad?

[PollyFlint]

YANBU. You absolutely do not bring a child and/or your (I assume male?) partner to a hen do.

If she can't leave her toddler at home with her partner then unfortunately she can't come. It's that simple. She's mad if she thinks what she is requesting is in any way normal or acceptable.