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To think why do you care?

(29 Posts)
lambbbs Thu 03-Aug-17 18:52:04

I may be being utterly ridic here so bear with me...

I was at a family wedding a couple of weeks ago and noticed my mum kept glancing up at my partner, before the wedding I asked her if she knew how to do a tie, she said no, but when I walk away goes up to dp and says let me have a look, then as I walk back walks away from him. I understand this could sound mental and I'm not saying there is anything going on between them I just feel a bit hmm

Yesterday dp strolls in from work and goes "who's been buying your mum gifts" as she uploaded them on Facebook, he also asks about her partner and if they are getting on (because normally he's a complete dick) . I just said what's it to you why do you care?

Am I being stupid?

Custardo Thu 03-Aug-17 18:54:12

do you thing your mum and your dp have a thing for each other then?

Sirzy Thu 03-Aug-17 18:54:14

I can't see any issue at all with anything you have posted.

Alicia555 Thu 03-Aug-17 19:25:58

Looking him up and down!? Well if a man was doing that to a woman he would be accused of being a letch!

IreneDunne Thu 03-Aug-17 19:50:28

I'm interested that this is even in your head - it makes me wonder if something has happened in the past to make you worry about this?

Rossigigi Thu 03-Aug-17 19:51:40

Does she have a 'thing' for him?

lambbbs Thu 03-Aug-17 19:52:27

I don't really know. Just find it a bit strange but maybe I'm just paranoid. Every time she looked up from whatever she was doing she would look at him, the more I noticed it the more I would look at her waiting for her to look up and she would do it! I'm not saying they are getting it on behind my back! I just think it's a bit odd.

I don't think my dp would do anything or even find my mum attractive, but she has said in the past she thought he looked "fit"... I think she would love it if he did have a thing for her and would lap it up.

She try's to make me look a dick in front of him, and massively sticks up for him in a debate! She try's and drops me in it with him, example I might say I'm going to buy myself something and I wouldn't want him knowing and she would bring it up infront of him, or come out with things like "is Andy alright, are you and Andy ok he seemed pissed off"

SerendipityFelix Thu 03-Aug-17 19:57:51

You think your mum and partner have a thing for each other because you asked her how to tie a tie and she then inspected your work? Sounds like typical mother behaviour to me! (Might be missing something here but as an aside can't your partner tie his own tie??). And of course someone should care about their mother-in-law's partner treating her badly - I'd be much more worried if my partner didn't care about my parents' welfare.

So where has this worry come from - why would you leap to this conclusion? Does your mother have form? Do you have reason to not trust your partner?

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Thu 03-Aug-17 20:21:48

Going against the grain a bit, I think it does sound like your mum fancies your boyfriend. Yuk yuk yuk. Next time she keeps looking at him, say 'Why are you staring at him?'. Hopefully then she might be a little more discreet.

KayTree87 Thu 03-Aug-17 21:02:22

Sounds dodgy to me. Stranger things have happened! YANBU

lambbbs Thu 03-Aug-17 21:06:27

Inspace, I will do that and then it will make her probably feel like a bit of a twat!

Do you think it is dodgy?? Can't work it out

IamtheDevilsAvocado Thu 03-Aug-17 21:07:48

Mmmmm mostly these issues are harmless.....but sadly these horrible relationships do happen. ..a pal discovered her mum and her husband had been having a 6-year-long affair...grim!

Above everyone you should be able to trust your mum around your blokeconfused....but some women just can't resist the temptation to prove their sexual attractiveness and some perverse

Have there been any other issues that have been bothering you with their behaviour towards each other?

lambbbs Thu 03-Aug-17 21:08:38

She's the type that would absolutely love it if he fancied her and make it known! She was even messaging someone I slept with years ago! Can you believe it? Why on earth would you want to. Loves attention

lambbbs Thu 03-Aug-17 21:10:55

A while ago, I'd notice they would go out for cigs at the same time, or one would walk out, the other would follow. I know it's a really paranoid thing to come out with but again this sort of shit does happen!

IamtheDevilsAvocado Thu 03-Aug-17 22:22:57

It does sound as if your mum does have very loose boundaries. ...she has history for this with messaging your ex....whether it's purely attention seeking or me it's a fundamental lack of respect for the primacy of your relationship with your boyfriend/partners .....

Some women are so perverse they can't see their daughter with a bloke, without directly competing with her for sex with him.

FluffyPineapple Thu 03-Aug-17 23:17:26

Oooohhh..... interesting! See you on Jeremy Kyle soon then :D

missiondecision Thu 03-Aug-17 23:49:51

Gross. But actually not an impossible situation.
Even if she doesn't fancy a piece of him, she enjoys the attention ... at your expense by the sounds of it. He is a twit to fall for the ego massage.

Fruitcorner123 Fri 04-Aug-17 00:05:54

Just out of interest is your Dp older than you?

This would all make me a little uncomfortable but mainly your mums behaviour. I would keep my distance from a mum who was messaging my exboyfriend. From the way you've described her she doesn't sound like someone you can trust so I would keep her at arms length

IamtheDevilsAvocado that is truly grim
Your poor friend.

lambbbs Fri 04-Aug-17 08:40:38

I'm 24, dp is 29. Dp hasn't really done anything, I just thought hmm when I asked if she could do a tie (cos neither of us canblush) she said no, but as I walk away and dp is stood there she goes umm let me have a look I dunno she did sort of grabbed it, but as I walked back over cos I thought what the hell, she quickly turned around and walked away.

I think she loves us having problems or arguing too and comes out with oh he doesn't look happy or he looks pissed off if I say something when he isn't!

It annoys me cause she almost try's embarrassing me infront of him an I'm thinking what are you doing.

Her messaging an ex was just over a year ago they probably still message now but I said to her what are you doing, he's told you he's been with me? Do you really want to meet him? She was saying shall I meet him shall I, I was thinking wtf why would you even want to!

She loves the thought of everyone fancying her, a couple of years ago her boyfriend was cheating on his wife with her!

Other than saying what are you stating at him to make her look a twat? Is there anything else I could do? I think though if I said that I don't really want dp thinking she does fancy him confused

lambbbs Fri 04-Aug-17 08:42:41

I had a boyfriend years ago in school who I wasn't very nice to, instead of breaking up I'd just ignore him and be a bit of a pain in the ass, if me and dp ever have any problems and I happen to ask her for advice she says karma isn't it.

I won't be asking her anymore, or letting on if we do fall out because she would probably love it as me and dp have a pretty good relationship.

uglyflowers Fri 04-Aug-17 08:58:25

She isn't a good mother, that's for sure.

LenaDunham Sat 05-Aug-17 10:45:49

How old is your mum?

Really sorry to hear this. Your mum sounds insecure and jealous. Also not very nice to you OP.

I've no advice apart from maybe some distance from your mum. Not asking her advice. Not seeing her as much etc. Hard though if you are close knit family.


lambbbs Sat 05-Aug-17 11:11:17

I am going to distance myself, she's 41. Thank you all. Whenever I do see her it's always negative anyway really.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream Sun 06-Aug-17 19:41:13

She sounds like bad news really. sad . If it happens again while you're with her try challenging her about it. She's behaving horribly. Also speak to your DP- what does he think?

Elephant17 Sun 06-Aug-17 19:57:41

I would keep your mum at arms length- given the sort of self involved personality she has and the history you've explained. It obviously takes two to tango, but it seems like she's seeking out opportunities to flirt with/seduce him which is really bizarre. If he went with it, he'd be a total twat, but, seriously... what kind of mother behaves this way?!

If I ever found myself with a crush on my daughter's partner, I would feel awful about it and hope nobody ever knew the truth! I certainly wouldn't think 'yeahhh, I'm gonna try my luck here!'


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