to wonder why among the friendly banter with my neighbour as he bounds past me on the stairs, it never occurs to him to offer to help with my bags?

[KifA]

To visualise: ds in the baby bjorn (often grizzling); dd snapping at my heels; three flights of stairs; grocery bags.

I'm as tough and independent as you like - but I'd offer to carry his fecking bags if he was carrying a third of his bodyweight up the stairs every othre timed I met him.

[KathyMCMLXXII]

Have you tried asking him?
I'm guessing it's just because you're so tough and independent

[zubb]

he might be waiting to be asked. If you come over as tough and independent he might think you don't want him to help you.

[nickytwotimes]

they are right - ask him. some people don't like to intrude, especially with an independent person. he might be delighted to be useful (is he handsome, btw?)!

[KathyMCMLXXII]

Ask him and report back here.

[Kif]

Well, I don't want to foist myself onto him - he's kind of young and friendly rather that paternal and neighbourly... and for all I know that spring in his step is hiding a crippling bad back...

but isn't it bleedin' obvious???

[lulumama]

does he have kids? if not, he has no real concept...also, he might not want to be seen as interfering, especially if you are tough and independent, and also that it might be a come on !

why not next time, say ' oh, can you just grab this bag..my arms are aching!' as you shove the bag towards him??

[KathyMCMLXXII]

It might be obvious you are struggling but not obvious you want help.

Are you scared of asking him in case he thinks you are hitting on him?

[Kif]

Ah - cross posts.

I'm chicken to ask!

He is cute looking - lives across the landing with his girlfriend. Think he works at home - and she works outside-the-home. Sure she'd be thrilled! Actually, perhaps that's why.... she was a bit when I was chatting to him on the stairs on the w'end.

[KathyMCMLXXII]

Oh, well if she really would be annoyed about him helping with your bags then she is clearly silly and selfish and deserves to be ignored.

[LazyLine]

Maybe he has thought about it but thinks that if he does it once he will feel obligated to do it every time.

[nickytwotimes]

nothing wrong with a bit of harmless flirting

[Kif]

nooooo! flirting free zone.

I subscribe to the 'oblivious' theory. Of the vein of 'I don't know how she does it, women/mothers must be built different'

[Murdoch1949]

We wanted equality, we got it. He maybe has been burned by offering to help a woman and getting rudely told she can manage without his help. If you need help, ask, he may refuse but that's his choice. For all you know he could have a health condition that precludes him carrying heavy bags.