Dh has MS, as does his sister, who has had it for a lot longer and more severely.
This week dh had his worse attack to date. It has been quite scary and, imo, made a lot worse by the interventions of his family. When it became clear he was slipping into a bad attack, mil rang me demanding that I demand steroids on his behalf from the gp. I replied I didn't think it works like that - dh has never had steroids before so I didn't think I could ring and order them like it was AMAzon. She made me feel so bad I did ring, to be told, shock horror, it doesn't work like that and he would need to be seen.
Mil made it plain she didn't believe me and came up chuntering all day about how she had never heard of a gp not prescribing steroids. Sil had named a particular drug that has worked for her, but gp, not surprisingly imo, wouldn't just hand it out.
Today we have all gone to the hospital with him, and it has been endless moaning and swearing and complaining from mi - the doctors are all shit, everything we are told is 'ridiculous', 'they' (doctors) are all the same and don't care etc etc. It causing dh and I a lot more stress than we would have anyway - I have had to sort childcare on top of everything and dh is obviously the one actually ill, yet mil is making it all about her, while sil thinks she is the only one on the planet who knows anything about the disease. I think the doctor we saw today (yes we did have a long wait, but doubt that was someone's actual decision to make that happen) was great, and it is clear to anyone that dh has very different symptom from the ones sil has had, so a different drug is presumably in order.
I get that they are worried about him and that mil must feel awful to have two offspring with this shit disease, and I know they went through a lot getting sil diagnosed (25 years ago), but still - they are making an awful situation worse and I know dh feels the same.
WIBU to ask them, gently, to go home and wait to be asked before visiting again.
AIBU?
To think mil has handled dh's illness worse and handled it badly - Wibu to ask her to stay away for a bit?
sippytwist · 27/07/2017 20:54
Gently or not so gently. Your call, op. Sometimes it's better just not to tell people like that what's really going on as they just become another headache on top of everything else. I'm sure you'll find a solution that works for your family. 
to you and your DH. MS is a horrible illness.
That wouldn't be unreasonable at all, if you think you have enough patience left to do it gently. Sorry you and your husband are going through such a shit time. Just tell them he needs his rest and you'll call when he's up to a visit. Good luck
When someone is very ill you put them first, not yourself. I know its her son, but she should be supporting both of you. If she cant do that and is being a burden, explain you cant deal and send her home. The hospital will back you up.
I hope your DP finds a suitable treatment and you have some support
She must be living with a tremendous amount of guilt, knowing both of her children have this awful disease, but I completely agree with other PPs that stress really doesn't help. I'd let the dust settle this time, and perhaps have a coffee and a chat to tell her how scared DH and you both were this time, and you appreciate that she was scared too but the comments and criticising the Doctors actually made him more stressed and you want to avoid that next time. If she doesn't take that on board, then I'd keep any medical information well out of any future conversation. I hope your DH is doing better .
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