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This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

(450 Posts)
Nurse15 Thu 27-Jul-17 13:29:00

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

CoteDAzur Thu 27-Jul-17 14:09:07

Just leave her to cry for a bit while you take a shower or get dressed.

peonie83 Thu 27-Jul-17 14:09:25

£700 a month isn't bad.
In private sector you get 6 weeks at 90% of salary then statutory after that which is £140 a week or 90% of their average weekly earnings (whichever is lower)!

And that's for 39 weeks!

My cousin in the States got like 3 months maternity pay at a low statutory rate and had to go back. So hopefully that makes you feel a bit better!

SofiaAmes Thu 27-Jul-17 14:09:32

Dd had hidden reflux and screamed all the time. Enfamil AR helped a little and putting her to sleep on her belly and carrying her by palming her belly with her face pointed towards the floor helped a little. But nothing helped more than a little. I was miserable.
The good news is that she grew out of it once she was sitting up and on solids.
The extra good news is that dd is now 14 and one of the sweetest, most well adjusted teenagers around. It will get better.

myusernamewhichisthis Thu 27-Jul-17 14:09:37

when i first took my ds to the beach i was picturing hi sitting with a bucket and spade, smiley and happy.

he was afraid of sand. i took his shoes and socks off and he literally screamed pointing his tiny toes skywards.

and dd was milk intolerant. refused feeds. screamed like a banshee. i confess i weaned early.
then i got some peace. she is lovely now. she is 20 though.

hang on in there op. it gets better x

Hullabaloo31 Thu 27-Jul-17 14:09:48

Definitely agree with throwing on any old clothes, sunnies and a hat for disguise and getting outside as the screaming is not so all-encompassing out there.

Katastrophe13 Thu 27-Jul-17 14:10:15

I'm sorry your life is so shit OP. I remember well cleaning vomit off the sofa at three o clock every morning after DD vommed up her entire feed while my hair sadly fluttered from my head to the living room floor. It does get better and your hair will grow back. One day this will all be a memory op. Have some wine

TeamCersei Thu 27-Jul-17 14:10:43

When all else fails, bundle her up, put her in a pushchair and walk, walk, walk.
And then walk some more.
Whether the sun's shining or it's rainy, it doesn't matter. Don't over think it - Just get out. Sod the housework, that can wait.
Walking's a great stress reliever and always seemed to soothe my babies (and me)
The fresh air gives them an appetite too.
You'll be 100% more relaxed when you get back.

This advice was given to me a long time ago and I found it to be the best advice that I was ever given.

QuercusQuercus Thu 27-Jul-17 14:10:50

My daughter would only sleep on our chests for the first two weeks. We were terrified to go to sleep in case we rolled on her. So we slept in two hour shifts, then sat in the nursing chair like zombies listening to Kermode and Mayo's Film Review at 3am while she slept on us.

After that she would only nap in the pram. I walked 8 miles a day, rain or shine, for months. Eventually we did pick up put down sleep training which did work, but she'd still wake up at any tiny noise. People helpfully said things like 'Oh, I hoovered round mine from the word go!', which means that theirs were good at sleeping because no sane person whose baby won't go to sleep has ever thought 'Oh I know, now they're down I'd better get the hoover out to train them to sleep through noise.'

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas Thu 27-Jul-17 14:11:02

Well done for cutting contact with your mother. You've done something very positive for your life, right there.

chips4teaplease Thu 27-Jul-17 14:12:57
My dd had issues all her life but during pregnancy and after had 'reflux' so badly she had to carry a cup with her to vomit into every few minutes. She's had an operation since and is living a normal life.

I hope your baby has nothing so serious, OP, but as everything else has been checked, I throw it in just in case.

WhiteMane Thu 27-Jul-17 14:13:47

Zantac, omeorazol & domepridone (sp?) and dairy,soya and gluten free diet on my part. Lots of cranial osteopathy and lots of bf whilst they were sleep or with movement, so rocking chair, pilates ball and the sling. Moby wrap inbetween feeds. Oh and some bf in the bath, sometime that helped with latching.

It was miserable. Dummies worked for the couple of weeks each baby took them for. Swings worked for a couple of weeks also.

sparklybuttired Thu 27-Jul-17 14:15:05

I spent 6 months like this and I'm sure it gave me a bit of postnatal depression. Was paranoid it was me !! It was awful it it helps he's 14 now and the light of my life I have three but he's so like me I can't help but adore him x

Badweekjustgotworse Thu 27-Jul-17 14:15:09

OP reflux is the shits, you have my sympathy. I had two with reflux and after the initial home visit from our health visitor where she came in and serenely told us it was the calmest twin household she'd ever been in (we'd only been home from the hospital long enough to have dirtied one cup), she came back a few days later and my mum answered the door because I was crying too hard to open it, was covered in vomit and baby poo in three day old pjs and hair everywhere. She looked somewhat shocked.

Have you tried omeprazole? My two only improved on it but we had to go through weeks of trying everything else in the meantime. Like yourself we spent hundreds on all the shit of the day that promised serene sleeping babies. It does get better as they get bigger and their muscles developed though. There's light at the end of the tunnel, and my two are now happy toddlers (thought they'd be miserable people they screamed so much in the early days)

WhiteMane Thu 27-Jul-17 14:15:12

Oh and on you tube they have videos of how cranial osteopaths and chiropractors recommend changing nappies, apparently the way we do it makes digestion worse and while normally I'd call bs I was desperate and it did help some.

MrsRaymondReddington Thu 27-Jul-17 14:16:30

I licked baby poo off my finger once. That was a pretty low point.

Hang in there, it will get better! My little one likes BabyTV (not all the time, before the anti TV brigade start!) I bought a giraffe sit me up chair and she sits and watches TV while I have a 3 minute shower and hair wash! winecakeflowers

lavot Thu 27-Jul-17 14:17:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

daydreamnation Thu 27-Jul-17 14:18:59

Do you live in Leicester? If by some miracle you do, I'm a fully qualified nursery nurse who is currently on holiday for the summer. I wouldn't want paying and yes, you absolutely should and could do background checks on me first!
It's unlikely you're local but worth a try. My ds wasn't easy and I had help. I feel for anyone who doesn't flowers

valeriarrgh Thu 27-Jul-17 14:19:42

A helpful community midwife informed me that 'baby should be doing 2-4 poos a day' my baby hadn't done one since she got home about a day and a half before. She breezed out leaving me terrified I'd somehow broken the baby. Turns out my baby would just skip a day occasionally. I didn't figure this out before I made my husband ring the maternity unit to find out if it was possible to break the baby and cried genuine tears of joy the next time she filled her nappy with a perfectly normal poo.

Also, why does no one tell you about colic? Or how much they will hate baths at first? Or any of the things you might actually 'need' to know? Too bloody busy telling you to 'enjoy this bit' or smiling wistfully about the baby days with 30 odd years of hindsight behind them and wittering on about 'sleeping when the baby sleeps'. wine

TheVanguardSix Thu 27-Jul-17 14:20:31

Oh a severely refluxy baby is tough, OP. I've had two and oh it's soul destroying.
My youngest is 3, the third of 3. Big age gaps (the elder two are 15 and 7, granted we had a late-in-pregnancy loss in between). Anyway, I digress...

I've reached this stage- and I really feel awful about it- where I actively look away when I see smug Pamper Ad Family of Perfection walking past me. I shudder when I hear the rolling wheels of a Bugaboo approaching me from behind.

My youngest is at the zenith (I hope to God at least this is the zenith) of his toddlerhood antics. Yesterday, a delivery guy rang the bell. DS and DD went flying to the door like it was Father Christmas stopping in months early. confused What I hadn't noticed (of course I didn't notice because I was still in recovery mode from the last shock inflicted upon me by mad toddler) was that our dog had his lead on (why? No walkies yet!) AND the lead had been knotted to a scooter (nothing weird about that) and so dog-scooter hybrid went FLYING to the door as well as the kids when the delivery guy rang. This was followed by an enormous crash as a tall, wood and glass Ikea cabinet came crashing down. I mean, the look on the delivery guy's face. I didn't know WHO to shout at. I was shouting at the dog- calling him my son's name, shouting at my son- calling him my brother's name (my brother lives 3000 miles away and does not resemble a 3 year old). My daughter... I was just shouting at her because I could. I was shouting at myself. DD asked me if I was going to lock them all in the downstairs cupboard. confused I've never locked them in ANY cupboard, so I don't know where that came from but man it was tempting! grin

Anyway... kids. It's all uphill from birth! Sending you huge hugs OP. I know, hugs from a stranger on MN is useless but the struggle is real! You're not alone! grin flowers

TheVanguardSix Thu 27-Jul-17 14:21:30

I know I have offered NO advice or anything of substance but I do hope things improve for you and your little baby! It's so miserable for you both and you could do with some peace now. flowers

TheGoodWife16 Thu 27-Jul-17 14:22:19

My DD (now 15, an only child!) had a very traumatic delivery and was, as a result, a very clingy, poorly and tetchy baby with an equally poorly and in pain mummy. I had the worst norovirus 24 hours post discharge from hospital. Add to that my epidural caused such major back issues that I ended up on hands and knees at one point with a 4 month old baby, dragging her along on a mat as I crawled from bedroom to bathroom (imagine a mummy ape with her precious baby!) With no family nearby and a husband on shifts, those were the moments that felt like living hell. I now have the most fabulous teenager (currently feeling clingy!) and the best relationship with both her and her daddy. Sending you hugs x

happy2bhomely Thu 27-Jul-17 14:22:44

I once went 2 weeks without a shower.

I had the clingiest babies in the world. Perfectly happy until I dared to put them anywhere other than on me. Day and night.

I look back and think why did you not just put them down for 3 minutes and get in the fucking shower. Then I could have put them down for another 3 minutes while I got dressed.

But in my head, I just couldn't justify leaving them to cry, either with DH or alone in the pram while I did something so luxurious like washing.

I have 5 children, none of them babies anymore, and I look back on those days with such a mixture of emotions. At times I was on top of the world, almost floating. At others, I felt like I was drowning with weights around my ankles.

When my youngest turned 3 it felt like coming out of a long, long tunnel.

As they say op, the days are long but the years are short.

TieGrr Thu 27-Jul-17 14:23:24

Ah, expectations. Had been so looking forward to taking DD to the zoo and showing her the animals - spent ages picturing her little face lighting up in wonder. The reality - she wanted to spend all her time on the giraffe slide and threw a 45 minute tantrum when I insisted we go look at actual giraffes.

She was nearly 6 before I got a photo of her with Santa. Every other year, she tried to give him back the present before hightailing it out of the grotto, screaming.

And, while I laugh at it now, I'll never forget feeding her, burping her, lying her down in her Moses basket, switching off the light... before hearing the spatter of projectile vomit. Every night for the first few weeks.

RelaxMax Thu 27-Jul-17 14:23:34

DS1 had bad reflux and OMG after a while I found all the "have you tried a sling? Have you tried raising the end of his cot up? You should ask for ranitidine" almost as difficult to cope with as the constant vomiting.

Yes, I have tried it.

Yes, I tried everything.

No, I am not a fucking idiot who didn't google the word "reflux" at any point ever, so needs all of the obvious suggestions.

It's really really hard. gets better! By about 12 months he was rarely sick, by 18 months he was fine and now he's really lovely and happy.

Hang in there - and in the meantime complain as much as you want!

Helenluvsrob Thu 27-Jul-17 14:24:57

OP THe only thing that will help is time. Do what ever it takes to get through it.

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