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This is my life now! But apparently it's "normal"

(450 Posts)
Nurse15 Thu 27-Jul-17 13:29:00

I'm posting this in a light hearted manner (while being entirely serious unfortunately!) in AIBU because of all the shit people tell you about how epic having babies is. my baby has reflux so severe that she constantly feed refuses. The NHS have told us there is nothing more they can do for her. As a result I literally can't do anything with her. I spend every day in this bastard house with a screaming baby. I've got no clean pyjamas because I can't leave her long enough to do the washing. My hair is greasy and falling out because post partum. I'm broke because I've spent hundred on every remedy, baby toy, baby seat, alternative medicine practitioner I can find. I bought a fucking mamaroo at £250 in the hope she would sit in in for long enough for me to shower. She won't. So I'm scummy, broke, baldy and lonely. This is parenting? I write this in a light hearted manner because if I didn't I would cry. Please share your stories of baby days and how shit they can be so I can laugh!!

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface Thu 27-Jul-17 13:33:47

You know those angelic pictures of toddlers playing in the park?

DS was afraid of grass. Proper afraid.

I'll let you picture what walks in the park looked like...

Nurse15 Thu 27-Jul-17 13:36:09

Proper laughed out loud at that!! Grass like really? Terrifying!!

Ohmyfuck Thu 27-Jul-17 13:38:03

I spent many months crying and wearing my PJs and feeling shit and just craving sleep. That's why there is a 4 year gap between my kids. It took that long to get over how shit it was whilst feeling guilty because I had a lovely little baby and should have been happy. It IS hard, it IS shit (especially with a baby with reflux) but eventually it DOES get better. I promise. Hang in there. Xxx

Tuesdaysun Thu 27-Jul-17 13:38:44


Do you have a partner?

putdownyourphone Thu 27-Jul-17 13:39:38

How old is DD? People who say how amazing babies are are full of shite. I had twins - one with severe reflux. I spent every day in the house in my pyjama bottoms, tits out trying to BF twins, trying to get them to sleep, trying to stop the screaming. The one thing that helped? Hiring a nanny/mothers help. Save your money from the mammaroo and get someone to hold your pukey baby and do the washing for you.

Triangularsquare Thu 27-Jul-17 13:40:13

That sounds shitty, I'm sorry. There's nothing glamourous about this business is there? I'm 7 months postpartum and my hair is EVERYWHERE. Clogging up every plughole, all over my bed, the floor. In my food, the baby's food, the baby's nappies. It's gross. I'm hoping it stops before I end up looking like William Hague.

Sluttybartfast Thu 27-Jul-17 13:40:16

If you've already heard this 100 times I'm really sorry, but: have you got a sling? Really great for refluxy babies, and not much you can't get done around the house with baby attached to your chest.

My sympathies. DS was only mildly refluxy but I thought I would lose my mind in the early newborn days. Have a walk if you really feel like you are losing it, the fresh air and natural light does your mood good and screaming is less oppressive in the open air. Also, tbh if it would make you feel better, I would put baby in a safe place and go and take a 5min shower regardless of screaming. Or take a bath with baby was a good fallback on days when I couldn't figure out what TF else to do.

putdownyourphone Thu 27-Jul-17 13:40:20

Oh yea, on a positive note it does get better and easier.

Flippetydip Thu 27-Jul-17 13:41:25

They are properly properly shit the baby days. I wanted to stab people that said "make the most of it, they're only small for such a short time" when in fact it seemed to go on for ever. I remember writing an "AIBU to ask if this will ever get better?" about 5 years ago. But do you know what - it does - it gets a hell of lot easier and a hell of lot better. I look at my family now and smile with gratitude (apart from the odd occasions I want to kill them all - which still happens). Hang in there. It's horrible but it does pass, I promise.

Sorry, that wasn't very lighthearted was it but I can so remember the feelings of utter and total despair when my two were tiny. I went for counselling in the September before the second winter because I was so scared I wouldn't make it through with us all in one piece.

Hang in there Nurse, you'll get there.

AnneBiscuit Thu 27-Jul-17 13:42:00

KingJoffrey my DS was scared of sand. Took him to the beach and he wouldn't walk on it! We had to put him on a blanket and gradually put sand on it till he became used to it.

YogiYoni Thu 27-Jul-17 13:42:55

Do you have a shower over a bath? Sit/lie your baby in the bath while you shower. Seriously. I wish someone had told me that with ds1. With ds2 I generally had them both with me. Sigh.

welshweasel Thu 27-Jul-17 13:43:11

Meh...having a refluxy baby is shit. I dealt with it by going back to work when he was 4 months old and letting him puke over the nursery staff and their carpet instead. He was even excluded from their vomiting policy as otherwise he'd have been off permanently.

He's now 18 months old and I bloody love being a mum, he's brilliant fun and barely ever whinges. Don't think he's been properly sick for at least 6 months either!

QuestionableMouse Thu 27-Jul-17 13:44:12

My nephew was like that. In desperation I bought a tin of lactose free milk and it helped. He was diagnosed with cmpa a few weeks later. He's now on prescription milk, and is so much better!

You'll probably feel better if you can shower. Put baby somewhere safe (even if it's a bouncer chair in the bathroom) and have a quick shower. You might even find that the white noise and the warmth sends your little one to sleep.

Funnyface1 Thu 27-Jul-17 13:44:15

What have they done for her so far? Is she on medication for reflux?

LaurieMarlow Thu 27-Jul-17 13:45:51

There's an ad, I think its' for aptamil hmm that's this willowy, gorgeous woman, dressed in white chiffon, breastfeeding serenely in an immaculate conservatory looking like a model.

I died laughing at it. And comparing it to me, in skanky pjs, with greasy hair, a face that's forgotten what makeup is, breastfeeding on a clapped out old couch in a room that looked like a bomb hit it.

It's no wonder we're all fucked up, what with the ridiculous depiction of motherhood sold to us.

annieannietomjoe Thu 27-Jul-17 13:46:36

I couldn't put my little one down for the first 6 months to sleep during the day...held him for every nap - he would just scream and not sleep if not. Not quite as bad as your situation but I feel you with PJs and skint. Good news, he is 10 months and things are much much better and than easier! Xx

Patriciathestripper1 Thu 27-Jul-17 13:48:09

Dd 2 cried ALL THE FUCKING TIME for no reason.

My fringe fell out completely an my previous glossy long mane sat dull and limp and greasy no matter what I did to it.

Exdh an I rowed constantly through lack of sleep/no money (we split up years later not due to dc)

I remember sitting crying on my settee With headphones on to drown out the noise of dd2 crying in her Moses basket 2feet away, and poor dd1 walking round with her hands over her ears.

12 long miserable months she grizzled and cried for, then out of the blue she stopped And became the perfect child.
I have no fucking Idear why but she just did.

My fringe eventually grew back.

NotLachsAgainMother Thu 27-Jul-17 13:49:25

No funny stories to share I'm afraid. It was just shit all the way through!

But as time went on it got much better and my clingy, screaming, reflux baby became a really independent toddler and an enormously loving pre-schooler.

My neighbour has a small baby now who is a real screamer and when I told her I knew what it was like and to feel free to bang on the door and thrust the baby at us if she felt she couldn't cope, she nearly cried.

I do remember one thing. I once decided to try showering with my first-born screamer in a bouncy chair just outside the shower. Shower door open so baby could see me. I must have turned around for a minute to grab the soap or something (or because it was bloody freezing with the door open) and when I turned back, baby (still screaming) was upside down with the bouncy chair on top of him. The fuck?!? I've never been able to figure out how he managed that. hmm

Anyway I gave up on showering after that grin.

RoboticSealpup Thu 27-Jul-17 13:52:06

My DD had reflux... Never napped more than 20 minutes in the day.
We gave her infant gaviscon which had to be made fresh each time with cooled boiled water. She hated it and struggled and tried to spit it out. (No wonder, it really tastes like shit.) We were supposed to do this before each feed, but that was impossible because we could only give it a certain number of times and she was feeding constantly.
At night, she would sleep maybe 20-40 minutes, wake up and scream. I'd breastfeed for five minutes, then give gaviscon and have to hold her in a sitting position for about 40 minutes otherwise all the milk would come back up. She could sleep like that, bit of course I could not, so after about 40 minutes I'd put her down and go to sleep. Sometimes she'd wake up again after about 20 minutes (seeing as she'd slept on me already) and the cycle would start again. She also refused bottles so DH couldn't help to feed.

Like you, I lost half of my hair, never had time to eat because I could never put her down and looked like an emaciated zombie.

We bought a chicco baby seat thingy though, which she liked. But of course they're not meant to sleep in those, so I couldn't rest anyway.

How I got through it I will never know! grin

My advice: Be really proud of yourself. Having a newborn is pretty much a crisis situation and you are coping. Honestly, take pride in the fact you're keeping your child alive, fed and safe. flowers

Silverthorn Thu 27-Jul-17 13:52:29

Have you got anybody who can give you a break? Its so tough when they cant tell you what is wrong.
What helped with my refluxy baby (second time around, we learnt from the first) was spacing out the feeds to every 3hrs (not religiously) and winding thouroughly in between. The life saver was a dummy though. Both my babies would comfort suck. Ds1 was attached to me constantly whereas ds2 would happily suck on the dummy for a bit of relief. Peas, tomatoes, strawberries, baked beans, broccoli would give my two screaming stomach ache. Have a think about whether a food is affecting them. It may not be an obvious one. Ds1 has grown out of all this now and is a very easy 3.3yo. So there is hope.

JennyOnAPlate Thu 27-Jul-17 13:53:03

Oh op flowers

The baby stage with my eldest very nearly broke me and I completely feel your pain. She's now nine and it almost feels like a very distant memory.

The moral of this story is that this too shall pass. Yes it's shit now, but it won't be shit for much longer. Do whatever you need to to keep your sanity intact, and ask for support from anyone who will give it to you (partner/family/friends/neighbours).

Silverthorn Thu 27-Jul-17 13:53:39

Oh yeah infant fucking gaviscon didnt help at all!

Nurse15 Thu 27-Jul-17 13:54:37

Yes she's on treatment yes she's got cmpa yes we've tried osteopathy yes we've tried a sling yes I have a partner but he has to work due to my shit NHS maternity pay (£700 this morning for a whole month!) no I don't get out of the house because I can't get dressed to go anywhere. Sorry but I've been asked the same a billion times NOTHING HELPS!! Laughing at some of these so far, I'm already feeling better!!

Loopytiles Thu 27-Jul-17 13:54:42

Sounds really hard! What meds is she on? Did you have confidence in the doctors' opinion? If not, can you afford to seek help privately?

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