MIL deleted me on FB. I want to call her out!

[RatRolyPoly]

Yes, yes, the very idea of being deleted on Facebook is so teenaged, but that's exactly the point so hear me out! Firstly MIL isn't really MIL as me and dp aren't married, however we are (recently) engaged, have a toddler together and a bump due any day now so for the sake of easy abbreviation...

MIL's relationship with dp has always seemed fair, with the odd blip mostly caused by him not replying to messages immediately or sufficiently gushingly; dp is the unsentimental, practical sort and MIL is extremely emotionally needy. She has had a properly shit last few years in fairness but the emotional neediness is more of a lifelong thing. Anyway, they are who they are.

So they tick along much without any involvement from me. I don't know unless I probe whether they're currently in contact regularly or whether one or other is "ignoring" the other; dp ignoring pages of dramatic messages or MIL ignoring dp's calls; but I encourage him to be kind and send her updates. My contact with MIL was mostly limited to the odd visit or her previously "liking" the pictures I put up of her grandchild on FB. Honestly this is 99% of my FB usage with little family close enough to see ds often. The visits have always seemed to have gone well (we get along), although over the months I've heard she's mildly bad mouthed me to other relatives or made half mention of some imagined passive aggressive behaviour on my part, but I've brushed it off as "whatever" as she does love to bitch about people even to me.

So I hear her and dp haven't spoken lately - he's not sure if they've fallen out - so I look up her FB to see if she's okay, any news or whatever - and she's frickin' deleted me! From TWO FB accounts!! Which irks me because, you know, why?? Also I've chosen to take offence on behalf of ds who she clearly has no interest in knowing anything about, not least because she didn't acknowledge his recent birthday in any way at all, no matter how small. And obviously she's not interested to know when he next grandchild might be born, as my FB is probably the only way she'd find out what with her and her son not talking at the mo.

So rather than being a passenger to their relationship (as dp would have me be, and has halfheartedly proposed I let him sort it out and get everyone back to happy-smiley) I'm all up for calling her out and saying "look here lovey, have we fallen out? Because this is news to me!!" - as is my diplomatic style. See, I'm definitely not the passive aggressive sort! AIBU??

[RatRolyPoly]

Jeez, essay! Sorry about that.

[NicolasFlamel]

Ignore her! If she's a dramatic little flower she'll absolutely delight in being called out.
Give her no reaction at all.

[AuntMarch]

I am torn here. Part of me would want to call her out (I recently did with someone after a very similar thing actually) but part of me would just think "screw you, my kids don't need somebody that wobbly around anyway"...If a parent and their adult offspring fall out that often, it doesn't seem like a good example of a healthy relationship.

She probably deleted you in a huff after your DP upset her (knowingly or not). I think I would be inclined to leave it let her make an effort rather than giving her the opportunity to make excuses.

[MimsyFluff]

When she adds you again in a week or so don't have you back

[gamerchick]

I would block her just to see what would happen.

[MimsyFluff]

Have her back*

[ALLthedinosaurs]

Meh it's her loss. Don't react at all, and when she inevitably tries to request you again to have a nose at grandchildren, your life etc, don't accept. It will wind her right up.

If she brings it up, you can act all innocent and say "no, I didn't accept because I thought it was one of those clone accounts... because we are ALREADY fb friends, aren't we?"

[RatRolyPoly]

You know what, I think I don't mind if she'd love it, I just want her to stop being so silly and have a nice relationship with us and her grandkids - it's waiting for her right here! I've always thought she's been "allowed" to get away with doing things that actually make her more miserable, but perhaps it's conceit that makes me think I could succeed where dp has failed....

Oh, and she lives close enough to babysit - she always said she wanted to but I can count the times she's actually done it on one hand - so I'm being a tad self-serving too I'm sure.

[Needsomeflapjacks]

Congratulations!! You have got rid of your mil with zero effort!!.
You will have many admirers on mn!!
Your life will be blissful from now on and your dc will be all yours!!
Why are you complaining??
I get that she should be a nice dm /gm blah blah
But she isn't.
So embrace the freedom. .

[RatRolyPoly]

Yeah, perhaps I should be glad, I guess I was just hoping ds would have a nice granny doting on him. He's adorable, he deserves doting. My mum passed away a few years back so perhaps I was looking forward to having a MIL - even a very flawed one.

[RiversDisguise]

Maybe she disabled her own account. I have had a few hysterical messages bleating about my deleting people. I didn't. I just closed my account for a while and I stopped showing up on other people's friends lists.

Life really is too short for all this stupid trivial drama, OP. MOVE ON.

[RatRolyPoly]

She's really not that old (I've got your back, MIL!) and is perfectly versed in Facebook. She's not disabled her two accounts as I can still see them and see she's still friends with all the other family members I remain friends with, including her other daughter-in-law, mother of her only other and most recent grandchild.

[VeryButchyRestingFace]

KimmySchmidt1

I don't think OP stated how old granny is.

She might be 38.

[Redcrayons]

Just leave it. You'll look like a loon making a big drama about FB.

[AnathemaPulsifer]

Maybe she disabled her own account

This

[AnathemaPulsifer]

Oops, page hadn't updated so cross posted.

[Donttouchthethings]

It's always hard to know what's really going on with these things (from a reader's perspective) and also not to project my stuff onto your situation. However, my immediate thought was how lucky you are to have a partner who actually deals with his mum himself, which is possibly why you haven't been too involved previously.

Her behaviour sounds ridiculous, especially given the impending birth of her new GC. She didn't acknowledge gc1's birthday and she badmouths you to other people.

You sound nice and normal and so I would caution you not to judge her by your standards. I admire your approach but think you might find 'Grey rock' more effective.

[RatRolyPoly]

You'll look like a loon making a big drama about FB.

Yes, indeed I might. So perhaps I won't. Dammit, it's not my thing though, I pride myself on facing up to difficult situations and resolving situations - peacemaker, yada yada - but I should probably defer to dp on this one. She's just being such a tool, it's bloody difficult to watch!

[Lynnm63]

If it were me I'd think lucky escape you've managed to get rid of the drama queen without incurring any drama yourself. I'd continue to post to the other members of your family but I'd leave her to it. If she were just a friend would you bother or just think wtf, your loss.

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

Ask her if you and her are at odds in any way on messenger.
Has she deactivated?

[Greyponcho]

Hacked account?
Be the bigger person & send her a friend request and if she doesn't respond, send her a private message saying that if she doesn't want to do Facebook, how would she prefer to receive updates about her grandchild?
PA, moi?

[RatRolyPoly]

Aintgotno she's definitely still on there - she's even still on dp's facebook - just not me :/ The shame of being deleted! Messenger would have been my first choice...

[Aintgotnosoapbox]

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, she might have had a bad day, or have some concern over privacy.
Ask her if everything is ok!
Communication is all.