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AIBU?

To think this is weird?

38 replies

ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 20:57

I'm on a grad scheme where you have to do three exams at a time, in two days - this is very stressful. For various reasons I did one and will take the rest at a later stage. A work friend knew I was going to do this but was under the impression I would take two and defer one.

During the run up to the exams, we texted discussing our revision plan and I let her assume I was still doing two - I didn't explicitly say I wasn't and decided to chat to her another time, after exams. It of course did soon transpire that I was just doing the one; she laughed and jokingly said oh why didn't you say but we left it.

The exams were over a month ago and she just has just brought things up now and accused me of lying by omission re the whole situation. I'm quite shocked and don't understand why it's such a big deal? She has passed so it's not a jealousy thing. She used the word lying and I feel quite sick and hurt that this is how she thinks of me.

OP posts:
EZA15 · 25/07/2017 21:00

Well why let her believe you were doing 1? YABU to say you feel 'sick and hurt' when she might feel hurt that you didn't just say 'I'm doing one and deferring the other two' there wasn't any need not to say that really was there?

booloobalooloo · 25/07/2017 21:03

Well you kinda did.... You allowed her to believe something that wasn't true. That is lying by omission. Why didn't you just tell her?

ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:04

No there wasn't but i was stressed and tired and not thinking straight! Can appreciate I should have said but I knew she would find out and just decided to have a proper chat with her face to face. All communication at this point was by text and I did everything I could to help her (sending revision notes etc!) just didn't explicitly say I was not doing it - does it matter?

OP posts:
ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:05

I wanted to chat with her face to face about it.

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FeckinCrutches · 25/07/2017 21:05

But why did you let her believe that? What was the point? You must have had a reason not to correct her st any point?

ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:05

Also I don't understand why she feels so strongly about it six weeks after. I know it's not ideal but why not just let it go

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FeckinCrutches · 25/07/2017 21:06

But why the need to do it 'face to face'? Surely it's not that big a deal, but now you didn't tell her it's getting blown out of proportion.

ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:07

I guess I was ashamed I was only doing the one and was nervous she would be angry?! I don't know. I just wanted to get through it and speak to her after. Perhaps I'm wrong, it seems like this is a big deal for some of you. Can no one see my point? I planned to speak to her after. I barely messaged her during this point as I didn't want to lie, I just wanted to focus on myself and didn't feel the need to constant update her. I also didn't want to make her more stressed.

OP posts:
ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:08

She phone died me the day after the exam go discuss, I told her I hadn't done it, she was confused but we moved on. Now she has brought it up all over again. I don't understand why.

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FeckinCrutches · 25/07/2017 21:09

I can understand you might have felt embarrassed that you were only doing one, but why did you think she would be angry, surely it's nothing to do with her how many exams you are taking?

ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:10

I agree - I therefore don't understand why she's angry now!

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dun1urkin · 25/07/2017 21:16

What you did was weird, not her reaction.
However, what you do next depends on your relationship with her. You did lie by omission, you easily could have said in a text that you'd decided just to do one. If i was you, I'd apologise, say what you've said here about feeling stressed etc.
If you're not arsed, then forget about it.

Girlfrommars77 · 25/07/2017 21:21

I guess she thought you were bonding over sharing revision and having the same exam to prep for/think about - she even phoned you the day after to talk about it - so was a bit suprised and hurt to find you hadn't done it after all and when she thought you were going through the same experience you weren't.

I don't think it's a huge deal, but I'd probably say sorry - explain you were stressed and didn't think to tell her/didn't want to discuss on text.

ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:23

Sent her this: Hey sorry about the misunderstanding re exams. I'm not sure why I didn't properly say til after! Think I was waiting for a good time plus didn't wanna stress you out given you were doing three and I was only doing one. I always meant to tell you properly after but can see why it looked weird... There were no bad intentions behind it though - i just didn't want to stress you out and obviously handled it wrong

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Piratesandpants · 25/07/2017 21:24

You lied by omission. She thought you were 'in it together' and may be quite hurt that you misled/lied to her. Your attitude is odd...

dun1urkin · 25/07/2017 21:27

That's a good text. She would be being unreasonable if that didn't sort it out Grin

VladmirsPoutine · 25/07/2017 21:30

This reminds me of the time at Uni I'd told my housemate I had eaten a Tesco sandwich for dinner but for whatever reason decided to eat left over pizza instead. She asked how the sandwich was and I just said "fine." Then a week later she interrogated me over the fact that I had not, in fact, eaten a Tesco sandwich for dinner as I had claimed.

Life is too short. You are not a liar and it doesn't matter. I hope you do well when it comes to your exams!

KimmySchmidt1 · 25/07/2017 21:35

Let's be brutally honest with ourselves here, you did lie by omission.

HumphreyCobblers · 25/07/2017 21:38

I don't see why that 'lie by omission' matters though. I really don't.

The above sandwich example is a good one.

I couldn't get angry if someone did this to me, I would file it under some confusion occurred and move on. Not get angry later.

ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:45

That's what I mean - if the roles were reversed I would chalk it up to confusion/misunderstanding not lying. I don't like being called a liar when I'm not one!

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Miserylovescompany2 · 25/07/2017 21:46

You most definitely lied by omission, OP.

ParanoidAndroidxoxox · 25/07/2017 21:48

Jesus but does it really matter though?

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MorvaanReed · 25/07/2017 21:48

Okay, you lied by omission, but not about shagging her DP or planning world domination. Perhaps she feels you made a fool of her, listening to her talk about the exam you didn't do? "I had reasons for only doing one exam that I didn't want to keep explaining. Sorry that this has upset you, I wasn't trying to leave you out, just trying to do what was best for me at the time. Can we move on?"

Piratesandpants · 25/07/2017 21:55

Morvaan is right - she feels you made a fool of her. It might feel like nothing to you but if I was her I can see why she would be upset. You don't sound very nice about this.

Gemini69 · 25/07/2017 21:56

nope I'm still confused..... Confused

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