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AIBU?

Let her know or just ignore. .

46 replies

Confusedfriend2017 · 25/07/2017 12:49

A friend divorced her dh after he was convicted of manslaughter. . He went to prison, dc and her in therapy and her on meds.Police secured her new home, panic alarms, and in her dps house etc. . He has been out a year, he has a job, sporadic cms payments. All contact ordered via mutual friend etc. He hacked into her emails, no police action, but he found out details about me through info found.
Now she has announced they are on speaking terms ffs!!
For one she is back where she started with a controlling man in her life, a convicted killer, dc won't be happy about it, her dps will probably die of the shock . And he can find out about me as she is loose tongued at best. .
Do I walk away or spell it out to her why I won't be in contact again?

OP posts:
5foot5 · 25/07/2017 12:53

What is your relationship with her? Why do you think you will be in danger just because you are friends with her?

kissmethere · 25/07/2017 12:56

Do you think you're in danger because he is a convicted killer? That sounds stupid but it doesn't mean because you know her you're at risk. What is your connection with her and why would he have reason to target you?

Nearly10to9 · 25/07/2017 12:58

Why are you worried about your safety? Is there any background?

Confusedfriend2017 · 25/07/2017 12:59

He killed my friend. And blames me that she kept the dc from him while he was inside. Said she wouldn't have done that to him. I have moved since it happened and ob don't want him to know where I live. . We are good friends. In her will she has named me to have the dc (without asking me I may add!) if anything should happen to her.

OP posts:
waitforitfdear · 25/07/2017 13:03

Walk away! Anyone who treats their children in this cavalier way as In willing them to another person without a proper conversation and legal support and is cavalier with both yours and their child's safety should be avoided.

Cut ties

Nearly10to9 · 25/07/2017 13:04

I think you have to walk away as well

Are the police aware of the 'threat?

kissmethere · 25/07/2017 13:07

That makes things very different. I'd walk away you have a concrete reason to. If he contacts you make it clear you don't want him to and if there are any threats inform the police straight away. I know they're her children's dad but you don't need to be in touch now.

Grimbles · 25/07/2017 13:10

I'm a bit confused - are there 2 different friends?

Confusedfriend2017 · 25/07/2017 13:13

She has put everyone she knows in an impossible position. Her df will be heartbroken. . And the dc will be back to square one imo. .
Was half hoping she would see this thread and the matter would be sorted instantly tbh. My dc will be gutted as her dc are like family. But ob their safety is my priority. . Still a chance they will let slip where I live but can make sure dc know to be aware.
What a waste when she had chance of a new life and hasn't taken it. So angry and upset. For everyone concerned. .
Thanks for not thinking I was a bad friend to walk away. .

OP posts:
YetAnotherSpartacus · 25/07/2017 13:17

Run, don't walk. And see someone (the police??) about how to make yourself as invisible as possible.

Dragongirl10 · 25/07/2017 13:21

If l were you l would cut contact with her and move again...tough, but her choice to have contact with him.

I think it leaves you no other choice.

ShatnersWig · 25/07/2017 13:23

Absolutely walk away and do not feel bad about it.

OnTheRise · 25/07/2017 13:24

Tell the police.

You have to protect yourself. He blames you and now has a route to you.

She's a fool.

flumpybear · 25/07/2017 13:25

Goodness how dreadful - talk to her and just bluntly say she's being a fool. He's killed someone!!! Unless it was a complete accident he had no control over she needs to run away

Lynnm63 · 25/07/2017 13:26

You have to drop her. Your safety and that of your children is paramount. Have you told her you'll be cutting ties if she continues with this.
Sorry about the loss of your friend. Was the killers wife also a friend of the deceased? Im just wondering if she's compartmentalising so not seeing the big picture.
Are you in contact with her parents. I'm just wondering about her still having you named as guardian for her dc, that could kick off if her ex finds out.

StaplesCorner · 25/07/2017 13:27

Sorry to ask for clarification - so the victim was person A who you were friends with, and you are also friends with person B, the murderer's wife?

Confusedfriend2017 · 25/07/2017 13:27

It was no accident. .
Feel so disrespectful to my friend who lost his life that I have been friends with her now. .
It's opened up old wounds I thought were buried. Am at work but will have dh support when I get in. .
Thanks for mn support though.

OP posts:
DJBaggySmalls · 25/07/2017 13:30

Break contact and talk to the police asap, then Womens Aid. Sorry, but the odds are that its not over. Thats based on past experience.

I'd move for starters.

Grimbles · 25/07/2017 13:30

Now I'm really lost!

PerspicaciaTick · 25/07/2017 13:30

I think you need to reconsider your involvement with this family. You sound very frightened and clearly believe that he is a risk to you. I am concerned that should the worst happen and you ever did end up looking after her children you would find yourself in an even worse situation and not actually keeping yourself or the children safe. But you would be tied to him through contact with the children. Are you sure it is a good idea to be named in her will?

Confusedfriend2017 · 25/07/2017 13:33

She didn't consult with me about her dc!! Told me when she had already named me!!

OP posts:
PerspicaciaTick · 25/07/2017 13:34

Perhaps telling her you can't be in her will any more will make her realise how serious her situation is?

DJBaggySmalls · 25/07/2017 13:38

What she writes in her will is not your problem. Go to the police and Womens Aid, and break contact.

lmer · 25/07/2017 13:38

I'm so confused @Justturned46 who are you in this story?

user1497480444 · 25/07/2017 13:39

I would contact the local police and tell them you feel threatened.

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