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AIBU?

To ask for your PND tips

43 replies

alltalknobaby · 23/07/2017 09:58

DD is about to turn 6 months and I've just diagnosed myself with PND. I have suffered with depression twice in the past so I recognise the symptoms. Previously antidepressants have done nothing for me and I want to avoid them. I also found going to the GP useless both times. I'd like to try helping myself with (e.g.) exercise and healthy eating first, and then maybe try counselling if that doesn't work.

So as not to drip feed, I'm still on mat leave, going back in January part-time; my partner is very supportive but I haven't told him yet - I've only just admitted it to myself. I will try to discuss it with him later. (I find it very hard to talk about things like this.)

Any other ideas, tips or advice would be very welcome. Feeling a bit lost and hopeless at the moment. Thank you.

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GreengageJam · 23/07/2017 10:09

Sorry to hear you're not feeling well op. I suffered with pnd after dd was born - for me it manifested mainly as anxiety, so I had panic attacks and dreadful insomnia.

I'd had depression in the past, and ads didn't work then, but they have been like a miracle for me with the pnd. I'm not saying you should take them, but I think they are generally more effective for pnd than other types of depression.

Other things which have helped are being really open about how I'm feeling with dh, my mum and my friends, accepting help whenever it's offered, and trying to carve out time each week to do something just for me. Hope you feel better soon - pnd really is the pits.

ScoobyDoosTinklyLaugh · 23/07/2017 10:18

Get out everyday, baby massage and some time for yourself everyday.

Ultimately it was the ADs that shifted it for me, I put it off till DD was 10 months and I massively regret it, I wish I'd started them when she was weeks old. I only took a really low dose for 5 months and had no problems getting off them.

PsychoPumpkin · 23/07/2017 10:24

I had PND with my firstborn & honestly it was the anti d's that worked for me. I put off going to the GP for months & regret it because PND was a dark cloud over what should have been a happy time & I spend my daughter's first months anxious & paranoid. The moment I let myself break down in front of the GP & accept help was the start of a new chapter for me.

GingerPCatt · 23/07/2017 10:25

I agree with Scooby. I found having a weekly routine where I went out everyday (with the baby) really helped. Even if it was walking to the shop or going for a coffee on my own with the baby. Also make sure your DH or friends and family help and give you regular time to yourself so you can rest or do whatever you enjoy.
Also I found ADs helpful but I had to try a few different ones so keep going and know that you can always come to MN to vent or for a handhold.

Elledouble · 23/07/2017 10:26

Speak to your health visitor - she will know if there are specialist post-natal services in your area. It's a massive postcode lottery unfortunately but I was very lucky in that there is such a service in our area, and I had talking therapy, support groups and even an admission to a specialist ward. Good luck!

alltalknobaby · 23/07/2017 11:00

Thank you all for your responses. Sorry you have all been through this too. I am going to make an appt with GP and discuss ADs - I didn't expect so many people to say they worked so I will at least give them a chance I think. It feels like quite a deep, dark hole to climb out of so maybe I do need a bit of help.

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DrowningSeas · 23/07/2017 11:02

The association of post natal illness are very good and have a pool of volunteers who offer ongoing support for mums suffering.
If GP and medication has not been useful for you previously then sharing with someone who has been through similar can be helpful

ChangeCat · 23/07/2017 11:13

ADs were the only thing that worked for me. Counselling, exercise, getting out every day only helped so much.

PsychoPumpkin · 23/07/2017 12:28

Good luck hopefully. Rey soon you'll start to see a brighter future.

redrobinblue · 23/07/2017 12:41

OP I totally sympathise. It was a bleak time for me. Just sharing with someone irl helped me immensely. Getting out was also key.

For me - the state of the house really got to me, so I made sure it was lovely and clean all the time, and a clean house with a lovely smelling candle on seemed to quell the feelings somehow.
(Know that sounds ridiculous and blasé)

I had with both my DC. first time just telling the DR how I felt seemed to give me a bit of a kick up the arse and I got my head round it somehow. Second time, I got medication from DR and helped get me back on an even keel so I could get out, meet some people, get in a routine, and get on top of things, then I could think of coming off the medicine.

Hope you feel better soon, and please don't think I'm making light of PND by saying about clean house and candles, it just seemed to work for me.

That and getting out once a day, felt I'd really achieved something, DC got fresh air, cleared my head. And also when DH got home I got a hot bath and had an hour to myself. Those hot baths saved my sanity!

MissJC · 23/07/2017 12:46

ADs here too I'm afraid. Nothing wrong with a bit of chemical help, I love my little Citalopram drops of magical happiness!

eeyore2 · 23/07/2017 13:05

Having small goals. I would try to have a nice-ish dinner cooked by evening time and the table laid (I like to cook) and I would try to read the newspaper during the day (to feel connected with the world). Also yes to trying to get out once a day. And the most important advice - know that it will pass!

alltalknobaby · 23/07/2017 19:15

Thank you everyone. Just talking about it on here and seeing your responses has helped. I also spoke to my partner earlier who was lovely and so supportive. I'm going to see the GP tomorrow. I feel a weight has already shifted.

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Elledouble · 23/07/2017 19:27

I did (well, do) have ADs too.

The thing that helped most though was one of the group sessions I did. Really clicked with all the other women and two years on, we're still good friends. Just having someone who you can say "you know what? I feel awful and I'm worried I might be a terrible mother" to and they can sympathise.

Tormundsbrow · 23/07/2017 19:32

I found that aslong as I got us ready and got out the house I felt a bit better, when I didn't push myself and stayed in feeling shit it made me feel worse!

I didn't take the medication I was prescribed - looking back I wish I had done!

TheLegendOfBeans · 23/07/2017 19:37

If you can get out and do a "thing" in the morning and a "thing" in the afternoon that's a big help.

Mine used to be a bit like

Monday am; Babyfit, PM; Tesco shop
Tuesday am; baby cinema, pm; errands in town
Wednesday am; baby swimming, pm; get out and meet someone for coffee

etc

Like you I didn't go with anti-D's. I wonder if I should've as I still feel a bit weird and DD is 18mo.

Grasp the nettle my love and I hope you feel better soon x

Spuddington · 23/07/2017 20:05

Self care.

Rope in anyone you can to give you respite, you need to take care of yourself too. Don't listen to the people who assume you're a bad mother if you don't have massive rushes of love or you're struggling.

At 6 weeks I was damn near suicidal. Today DD is my best friend.

Littleelffriend · 23/07/2017 20:12

I took ads after 5 months. Really helped. Dd is now 15 months and I absolutely adore her now. Came off the ads in march. At 3 months I could have given her away I was so unhappy

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly · 23/07/2017 20:14

ADs and counseling worked for me, I was only on them 10months but they helped me through. Good Luck - You will get through it!!

acquiescence · 23/07/2017 20:20

Stay busy, eat well and drink water, limit alcohol, get your partner or anyone else to help with night feeds as much as possible. Have naps and lie ins when you have support. I would recommend talking to your GP rather than your health visitor.

Fruitcorner123 · 23/07/2017 20:26

Sorry to hear you are going though this OP. I agree that ADs massively helped me. I also found spending some time doing things that were important to me helped, what that is is different for everyone obviously. Exercise really is crucial too so try and find something you enjoy and will stick to. I took up running and could honestly feel the difference when i hadn't been running for more than two days.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. My daughter is 4 and I don't consider myself to have been depressed for at least 3 years. It hasn't returned thank God.

It's a horrible time but will truly pass. Tell anyone else you trust and are happy discussing it with because I also found talking about my feelings helped. I eventually had counselling on the NHS which helped but the waiting list was long.

RapunzelsRealMom · 23/07/2017 20:53

I had PND with my twins (now 4) and, for my own reasons, did not want to take anti depressants.

It took me longer to get over than it would have done with ADs but I did it with a lifestyle change. I researched well and this was best for me - I'm not saying everyone should do this.

Exercise (really sweaty breathless exercise) every day, laughter every day (I'd watch funny YouTube videos, old dvds, have fun with my DCs, husband, etc), high fat low carb diet (google this for depression - I felt this made the biggest impact on mine).

None of this can take the place of ADs and if you can do this alongside ADs, it'd work even quicker, but this worked for me.

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missiondecision · 23/07/2017 21:01

Sorry you are feeling unwell.
I think you need an appointment with a sympathetic gp. Ask the receptionist, they are notoriously nosey so make use of it, ask who they recommend. At my practise this has proven to be very useful.
Try to get up, out and smile everyday.

Fruitcorner123 · 23/07/2017 21:03

Just wanted to add that if you are breastfeeding your DD and worried about the impact of ADs i breastfed until almost 2 and took antidepressants from when my DD was very little. The GP can prescribe some suitable for breastfeeding mother's.

Not sure if this is an issue but though it worth mentioning.

alltalknobaby · 23/07/2017 21:10

Thank you all. I have an appointment with the GP tomorrow (online booking - fantastic) and I am planning on starting buggyfit classes too. I feel that after reading your experiences I am much more open to ADs alongside other methods like talking and exercise. I will also look up the high fat low carb diet - thank you. I am not BF unfortunately due to retained placenta - not picked up on until 10 weeks pp.

Thank you all again. Kindest nest of vipers I've ever encountered.

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