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AIBU?

To not want to heard your happy news right now?

49 replies

bluebird3 · 22/07/2017 19:43

I've been trying to conceive for 2.5 years and have had two rounds of ivf. The first failed and the second was a bfp but ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks. I'm still in the process of miscarrying and my sister decides now is a good time to ring me and tell me she's happily pregnant. She got married 3 months ago. And she's only 9 weeks along. AIBU to not want to hear about your honeymoon pregnancy whilst still bleeding from my miscarriage???? I mean...she's only 9 weeks. Why did she feel the need to ring me now..(and yes she knows I miscarried 10 days ago). Could she not wait a few weeks?

OP posts:
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MaisieDotes · 22/07/2017 19:44

Sorry for your loss, OP.

That was very insensitive of your sister.

Take care of yourself Flowers

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TheLegendOfBeans · 22/07/2017 19:46

Oh man.

That's shitness. However did she massively misguidedly share the news to try and make you feel better as it's something to celebrate?

After my mc I wanted to basically murder everyone who announced they were pg (weirdly there were tons) plus when my period kept coming months on month after the event I wanted to smack everyone in the teeth, just because they were tickety-boo.

Think your sis was insensitive yes but it's the shittest of timing.

Sending you the hugs x

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doodlejump1980 · 22/07/2017 19:47

Aw that's shit timing and really thoughtless of your sister. Why couldn't she wait like normal people until her 12 week scan to tell the news?
Sorry for your loss. Flowers

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mydietstartsmonday · 22/07/2017 19:47

Your sister is a shit.

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doodlejump1980 · 22/07/2017 19:49

Aw that's shit timing and really thoughtless of your sister. Why couldn't she wait like normal people until her 12 week scan to tell the news?
Sorry for your loss. Flowers

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Floggingmolly · 22/07/2017 19:49

There are no words...
Sorry, op Flowers

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StillDrivingMeBonkers · 22/07/2017 19:51

Bes t you hear it from her than someone else.

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Bluerose27 · 22/07/2017 19:51

That is awful of her. I'm so sorry she's so insensitive xx

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HattiesBackpack · 22/07/2017 19:52

Sorry for your loss OP,

If it's any consolation to you I don't think your sister has told you to upset you, it may have been to tell
you to share round her joy (misplaced I know, but not malicious) or as an advanced warning before she starts telling everyone else.
I think when you haven't had mc's or fertility problems it's very hard to understand what you are going through.

Hope you are ok.

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Crispbutty · 22/07/2017 19:52

Perhaps she wanted to tell other people today too but didn't want you to hear from anyone else but her. Sorry for your loss though, I imagine your sister felt awkward.

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Blueskyrain · 22/07/2017 19:53

So sorry about your miscarriage.

Very insensitive unless there was some specific reason she had to tell you then. I had to tell family at 10 weeks because it caused complications very early on, and there was a family event where it couldn't have been kept secret. In the absence of something like that, very insensitive.

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Mammabear31 · 22/07/2017 19:54

Oh my goodness OP, I am so sorry your sister is a shit. I have had nowhere near as many issues as you, but have struggled to conceive DC2 for nearly 18 months now and have had 2 MC in the space of 3 months so I can understand a small amount of how you are feeling.

I hope she comes to her senses and makes it up to you soon. I don't know what else to say, because nothing is ever right or enough, is It? Flowers

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 22/07/2017 19:55

Ynbu, although it probably wouldn't be much better in 3 weeks or 5 weeks or whatever. It's a real kick in the teeth whenever you find out.

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BlondeGinger · 22/07/2017 19:55

Completely thoughtless and insensitive of her.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been there and I understand how you're feeling right now. It's shit. Take it easy on yourself Flowers

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PurpleDaisies · 22/07/2017 19:57

Totally rotten of your sister. Sorry for your loss. Flowers

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CrunchieFeeling · 22/07/2017 19:58

I had three mc including a mmc discovered right before Christmas (we had it planned to tell family on Christmas day, just after the 12 week scan but instead it was bad news)

Your sister doesn't get it. But maybe she was trying to tell you because telling you later would make you look back and say "even when I was sobbing my heart out and she was listening to me, she knew she was having a baby". I think she's tried to be honest so that it doesn't taint the support you get from family etc - it'll be like a extra twist of the knife to know that everyone knew she was pregnant and were patting you on the shoulder knowing yet not yelling you.

After the 3 miscarriages, the infertility, I had my dd. Today would be the anniversary of the due date of mc number 2. I do understand a little. But this is going to hurt anyway isn't it?

[Flowers]

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SheSaidHeSaid · 22/07/2017 20:07

She really didn't think, did she.

Sorry to hear all you're going through Flowers

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Polly2345 · 22/07/2017 20:07

So sorry you're having a mc.

Is it possible she doesn't know you're still bleeding? A relative of mine was genuinely surprised when I told her I bled for five weeks after my mc.

That said your sister should definitely know you'd still be upset and v fragile at this stage. Some people really just don't get mc and the way it affects you.

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Myrubbershoes · 22/07/2017 20:08

I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm not actually sure that people who either don't have children, or have not had an mc themselves understand how devastating a mc is.

I'm embarrassed to admit that whilst i was ttc, my friend miscarried. I was sad for her, but my thought was that she would just try again. I announced my pregnancy about a month later. Didn't even cross my mind that she would be upset. It was only when i got to 12 weeks and had the scan that I realised that i'd become emotionally attached to babba.

I'm trying to say that your sister may not even have realised that she was causing upset. I wouldn't have at that stage, although am embarrassed about that fact now.

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bluebird3 · 22/07/2017 20:09

Just for background my sister and havre not close. 6 years ago when I got engaged she was alone and unhappy and basically told me I was being really selfish to move countries and get married. She was rotten our whole engagement and flew in for 36 hours for our wedding (we live in the U.K. And she's in the USA) and complained and was miserable the whole time. We don't really speak unless it's a holiday and she's at my parents. She became less bitter when she met her dp and was a lot friendlier to both me and dh after that. Our relationship has never really recovered and the last time she rang was when she got engaged. She had a massive wedding in May and it was all about her.

When I saw her number on my phone yesterday I said to dh - she must be pregnant. But then she started asking how I was (my mum told her about my mc) and I thought - maybe she's ringing bc she knows what a hard time I've had and she's reaching out. I had to go quickly so said I'd ring her back today. Then she dropped the baby bomb. So no... she wasn't ringing to be supportive. Probably just to tell me so she can tell everyone else as she will want it to be all about her for the next 7 months. Now I'm the bitter one I guess.

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Loopytiles · 22/07/2017 20:09

Perhaps others had found out and she decided to tell you rather than the grapevine?

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PurpleDaisies · 22/07/2017 20:09

I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm not actually sure that people who either don't have children, or have not had an mc themselves understand how devastating a mc is.

I don't agree. Only someone with no emotional intelligence would think announcing their pregnancy as the miscarriage was happening wouldn't be upsetting.

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Loopytiles · 22/07/2017 20:10

Drip feed!

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AccrualIntentions · 22/07/2017 20:14

This was extremely insensitive of her. The news would probably hurt to hear at any time, but so much worse now.

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TheLegendOfBeans · 22/07/2017 20:16

Ok so she's a fucking bellend.

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