To say Mil can't come on holiday

[Sklong7]

My first time posting on here.....

Last week, my Dp, our closest friend and I were talking about going on holiday with the kids. We all went a few years ago and it was great.

So we were looking at where to go and prices etc. Friend said she'd pay the deposit so we could book there and then. All good, booked it and looking forward to going.

Then a few days later, Dp decided to invite his mum without discussing with me or our friend. I've said in clear English that I don't want her coming as she is very awkward, she doesn't make any effort with the kids, she lives a 10 minute drive away yet she only comes over twice a month (and doesn't interact with them in any way) she doesn't talk to me at all. And she has a very aggressive manner about her, the way she talks to my Dp is awful, yet he's keen to keep her happy.

She's met our friend a few times and has ignored her every time, even when friend has made an effort to talk to her.

So what I need to know is AIBU to not want MIL to come?

[sooperdooper]

No yanbu but your DP needs to deal with it, who on earth invites their mum without discussing with the whole group? It changes the entire holiday

[Mumzypopz]

Uninvited her very quickly. Your friend will be really annoyed.

[Belleende]

Nope, tell DP he can go on holiday with MIL, the rest of you will stick to the original plans

[RuggerHug]

Yanbu and stop it (well your DH needs to) now. How rude to your friend who kindly paid the deposit so you could book it..

[Petalbird]

YANBU it sounds like she would make the holiday very awkward. If he insists could you at least put her in a different hotel and try and do lots of activities?

[StillDrivingMeBonkers]

Whether or not you get on with MIL is irrelevant in this situation. Your DP is massively unreasonable - this is a joint holiday with friends, who have kindly arranged and paid the deposit. He is risking ruining everyones holiday if he he hasn't run it by them first. This is the sort of situation that will break your friendship.

[gobsmacked emotion needs to be created]

[IHaveACrapCat]

I'd be fuming if I was the friend in this! Your DH is being VVVU

[Tofutti]

That is not fair to your friend, as it becomes your family holiday that she is tagging along on.

I would not be happy in these circumstances.

(We go away with my MIL and DM but it's all planned that way).

[TheMaddHugger]

Nope, I'd be really ticked off with your husband for doing that
((((((((Hugs))))))))))

[Wormulonian]

Your DP's fault - tell him to fix it. Your DP thought he would get brownie points with his mum, probably has a fantasy idea of her having a great time and gaining her approval. He is still living in the "FOG" (fear, obligation, guilt) with his mum. It is meant to be a holiday - not cause you more stress!

He had no right to foist her on your friend (or you)

[Troels]

Wow he massively cocked up there. Did you tell him she's not welcome on this trip? He needs to go and speak to her to let her know she can't come.

[mumonashoestring]

Perhaps try spelling out for him what the holiday will be like? If she doesn't want to join in, he'll have to be the one who misses out because you're not going to cancel activities or stay back yourself. If she doesn't engage with the kids then they'll be under no obligation to make an effort with her - no spoiling their holiday by making them keep pandering to someone who can't be bothered to consider their needs. If she is aggressive and upsets anyone she'll be clearly told you either be civil or keep quiet (in other words, you know he's not going to manage her behaviour so you'll do it). In other words, you, your friend & the kids are going to have a lovely holiday (possibly with an occasional bollocking thrown in but you can get past that fairly quickly if you just ignore the mardy old cow and if she's going to ignore your friend and the kids it'll be pretty easy to do the same to her). Oh, and his mother doesn't get to pick activities - daytime or evening - unless they're chosen to suit everyone. No imposing her choices on everyone else. That might get him thinking about whether this holiday is going to keep her happy.

[Magstermay]

I agree with PP that it's irrelevant whether you get on - I get on well with some of my friends parents but wouldn't want to go on holiday with them. I'd certainly be annoyed if they were invited without asking me.
Where is she planning to stay anyway?

[Bumdishcloths]

Good grief, how inconsiderate of DH - I'd be going up the wall hope you manage to get it sorted!

[ZenNudist]

He needs to rescind the invite now before she buys a sundress or travel insurance or something you will never hesr the end of when you put your foot down.

You cant do this to your friend.

[Dogsmom]

Did he say why he invited her?
My il's once invited themselves on our holiday, they live 25 minutes from us and have been to our house 3x in 14 years!
Dh was too embarrassed to say no and although I was fuming I knew I'd have felt in the same position if it were my parents, it's easy to think of things to say on a forum but in the same room with people you love and don't want to hurt it's a totally different scenario.

It didn't work out too bad in the end, he explained to them that we'd be doing our own thing and they did the same, we only saw them a couple of times for a cuppa and although it still riles me to this day our relationship with them is still in tact and there's no awkwardness.

Not ideal but a few days away together may save years of problems.

[rightwhine]

I would be so mad at my dh if he did something stupid like that.

[lifeinthecountry]

YADNBU - he needs to uninvite her.

[OliviaStabler]

YANBU.

Tell your DP to uninvited her as you will not be booking her a place on your holiday with you. So if he doesn't uninvite her there will be no flight, no accommodation etc.

[efc1878]

Years ago we booked holiday with another family. At the airport the other lady's mum, brother, sister and boyfriend appeared as a surprise!

Me, my Dh and our ds made a lot of excuses to do our own thing. Changed dynamic of holiday completely.

Say it's already booked and no space.

[Twopeapods]

YANBU. DH needs to tell his mum as soon as possible that he made a mistake and she can't come on this holiday. There's. It enough room for her etc etc.
Your friends would be really annoyed having to spend their holiday with someone they don't know well and don't really get on with. DH can take her for a weekend away at a later date if it's important to him.

[Nocabbageinmyeye]

Oh my God if I was your friend I would be raging!!!

[Bluntness100]

Could it be she basically invited herself and he felt awkward? You know how that convo goes,," oh that sounds lovely, I really need a holiday" hint hint." I would love to go there" hint hint.

[Ceto]

It's completely out of order to invite extra people along on a holiday shared with friends without asking the friends. Even more so when he knows she has behaved badly towards said friends. What on earth was your husband thinking?

[CrikeyPeg]

What was he thinking! for me/us it would be not now, not ever! I get on fine with my MIL but never ever going on hols with her; my DH would veto any suggestion immediately