MIL lent us money and wants it back early

[candypanda283]

I had a high risk pregnancy with my daughter and struggled to look after my other daughter when i hit 38 weeks. My DH told his mum our situation and asked if there was anyway he could borrow 1000 to cover 2 weeks off work so he could help me. He told her we wouldn't be able to pay it back for about a year and asked if it was definitely ok. She said yes, checked with DHs stepdad etc and it was all fine.

2 weeks after giving birth she came to see me and told me she thought she had given us enough time now and it was time to start paying it back as my husband had been taking our daughter out on a few day trips to keep her busy and not stuck in the house with a newborn.

I told DH and he spoke to her and she said that she would ideally like it back asap as she wanted to go on holiday and may need a week off sick in a couple of months.

We have been trying to pay it back and in 4 months weve managed to pay 200 back. She has now told other relatives who have offered to pay her for us so we can owe them the money.

I feel really embarassed, this isnt what wr agreed and I hate that our financial situation has been discussed. I hate that it looks as though we've borrowed money we can't afford to pay back when that's not the case at all.

Mil thinks we are BU and should make sure all our spare money gets paid to her but we have 2 babies to pay for now and i dont see why dd1 should go without 1 or 2 days out a month or without clothes because shes changed the deal..

[HipsterHunter]

On the face of it she seems U but depends if her circumstances have changed.

I'd take the offer of other relatives paying back MiL and you owing them.

But you mention clothes, how many clothes are you buying for that to be a big cost??

[Gemini69]

your taking day trips and buying clothes....

Pay your MIL back x

[NapQueen]

If in 4 months 200 has been repaid how did DH think he could manage repayment within a year? At the current rate it will take the best part of 2 years.

He could (and imo SHOULD) have set up a standing order to repay it regularly.

Ok so your MIL shouldnt have loaned it if she couldnt agree to the 1 year length but maybe she envisaged regular repayments?

[PenelopeFlintstone]

Tell your DH to go and talk to his mum and stepdad to point out that they've broken the deal. YANBU.

[candypanda283]

My daughter went out to a farm which cost about 6 pounds and to a soft play which cost 5 pounds and shes had a msssive growth spurt and ive had to replace her leggings 2 months in a row so probably 20 a month. So its no more than 30 to 40 a month on those 2 things.

[CotswoldStrife]

Do you mean that you didn't want to start the repayments at all for a year?

[candypanda283]

We agreed for it to be paid back in one lump sum because I will be back at work then

[darbyshaw]

It sounds like there's been a misunderstanding and MIL thought it was going to be paid back within a year rather than at the end of the year. She's seen that you're financially better off than she thought and has asked for it back.

If you genuinely can't afford more than £50 a month then tell her that. But I would question what day trips are costing and how much you're spending on clothes if this is costing a massive amount. There are lots of very inexpensive days out you can have so I would try to cut money here if you can.

[Cocklodger]

By the sounds of it repayments were going to start at the end of the year.
I'd hazard a guess that's when OP is returning to work thereby giving them more income.
I'd make every sacrifice I could, hand me downs, meal planning, shopping at Aldi and give her every penny back as quickly as possible.
Or borrow it from other family members and do the above for them.
I'd be embarrassed too.
for you.

[Justhadmyhaircut]

Could she be miffed that you asked her for cash help but no help with the dc? Sounds like she has spat her dummy out for some reason.

[Cocklodger]

So sorry OP I'm very slow at typing.
I was right though

Head on over to the credit crunch board the frugaleers threads are fab, I'm on them from time to time but sometimes I just read and it really helps to cut back. Even an extra £25 a week freed up means you could have it paid off in about 5 months.

[junebirthdaygirl]

I loaned money to a friend. Immediately l got resentful when l saw her spending money and not paying me. Eventually l wrote off the debt as causing me such angst. Lending and borrowing money from friends or family doesnt work.

[AvoidingCallenetics]

I think she is being u. She agreed terms and is now changing them, which is unfair.
I would not ask my struggling dc to pay back money so I could go on holiday - I would rather not go!

I also think that kids grow fast and need clothes. How you spend money is your business until the time comes when you agreed to repay the loan. I would remind her that she has unilaterally altered the agreement.

That said, pay her asap and never borrow from her again. You are also within your rights to be cross with her for discussing a private arrangement with others and to tell her you are pissed off.

Borrowing from family is always more trouble than it's worth - it leads to thrm scrutinising every penny you spend and thinking they've a right to an opinion, which they don't have until the time comes for you to repay as agreed.

[PinkHeart5911]

Paying back his mother as soon as possible should always of been a priority Imo!

I don't think your mil has done anything wrong tbh, she lent then money and all she has had is £200. If having lent you the money that was hers, stops her going on holiday and taking a week sick when she needs too then it's effecting her life, Yes you've got 2 dc you choose to have but mil has a life too

Maybe when your dh said he " couldn't possibly pay it back for a year" she thought he meant regular monthly payments and at the end of 12 months it would be paid back. Clearly you meant to not pay a penny for 12 months and maybe never at all?

[Redredredrose]

I don't know if I'd count softplay as a "day out". I don't actually think it's reasonable to say a toddler can't have a once a month trip to softplay, just to save £5.

[luckylucky24]

I think she is being unreasonable going by what you have said. If you did enforce that she would not get the money back for a year then she should not be asking for it back unless she really needs it. If she couldn't afford to lend it she shouldn't have handed it over.

[coddiwomple]

People are very harsh!

It sounds like the agreement was to borrow money, and pay it back when the OP was back at work in a year. That sounds completely reasonable. I am sure if the MIL has told them she needed the money immediately, the OP wouldn't have borrowed so much, if the whole point was to give the couple a breather!


I would accept the help of the other relatives, they know about it anyway, and try to pay them back earlier. You don't have the choice, the MIL is being very nasty - unless she desperately need the funds for some emergency. What grand-parent would resent her grand kids having a day or 2 out and some new clothes?

If you agree to loan money for 1 year, why does it matter what people spend it for? At least OP knows where to stand with the MIL< never ask her for anything ever again.

[PoppingGlitter]

This is why I never borrow or lend from family (and friends), it gets too complicated.

Could you sell something? Even if its only £100 it would at least make a dent in the repayment of loan.

[candypanda283]

30 to 40 pounds a month on my child is literally all we spend of "spare money" and yes all we can afford to pay my MIL each month is 50 pounds as we have 2 cars on finance and a mortgage and due to me working as agency staff i dont have any maternity pay. I would rather we had struggled and he hadnt had those 2 weeks off. Since DD 2 was born ive had to replace both the washer and fridge freezer with second hand ones as they broke. We are certainly not living in luxury and every month we only just make ends meet. We did not struggle financially before i had dc2 but I got pregnant while on the mirena coil.

[Donttouchthethings]

I think the lesson here is that it's probably best not to borrow off your mil again.

I would suggest you just deal with the situation as efficiently as possible. I might be tempted to let your other relatives take over the debt just so you don't have to deal with her any more. However, I would definitely ensure all parties properly understand the deal and I would pull out all the stops to repay the money asap.

[araiwa]

She is being unreasonable. If you agreed to pay back next year then thats what you do. In the meantime do what you like.

People owe hundreds of thousands on mortgages but go on holiday. As long as youre sticking to the terms then no probkem.

But in your case, get the cash off someoneelse so you can tell mil to fuck off

[candypanda283]

I think based on most of these responses we will have to borrow the money off the other relatives but fear they will also want the money back asap as they are distant relatives really. This is the biggest mistake we've ever made and definitely won't ever borrow again. It was just to make life a little less crap for dd1 while i was struggling.

[jannier]

I think you should repay her as quickly as possible and sorry but your eldest doesn't need to go out to places that cost there are plenty of free things to do....and charity shops for clothes.