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To ask if anyone left FB and hasn't regretted it?

(61 Posts)
CookieDoughObsessive Mon 17-Jul-17 22:01:44

I know this is AIBU but please be gentle.

My husband and I can't have children and for the third time in one month, I've come off FB with tears in my eyes after seeing yet another old school friend post pics of their newborns. I'm 39 so I guess everyone is having a flurry of babies as they complete their families. It's been like this all year.

We've had a number of IVF cycles and none of them have worked - it's the end of the road for us.

I guess I'm worried about missing out / losing contact with people, but trying to weigh that up against the fact that it often makes me feel so unbearably sad.

Would love to hear if people have closed their accounts and not looked back. I'd feel this reassuring I guess; it just feels like I haven't got the confidence to click 'deactivate account' - but I think my MH would be so much better if I did.

PeggyPatchandPoppy Mon 17-Jul-17 22:03:01

I left six years ago and have never ever wished I had it.

BlahBlahBlahEtc Mon 17-Jul-17 22:06:26

First of all, I'm so sorry flowers

I deactivated facebook 2 years ago and haven't once missed it. I actually enjoy not being tied down to notifications and just idly scrolling through nonsense "just because". I actually want to get rid of my phone but I might settle for he basic nokia they've bought back. smile

Bagely Mon 17-Jul-17 22:07:24

You can reactivate a deactivated account. Is it worth trialling it for a small amount of time and see how you feel?

I've recently done similar for similar reasons. I have connected with friends in different ways and it has almost made friendships more meaningful.

Hope you find comfort and peace CookieDough flowers

lilydaisyrose Mon 17-Jul-17 22:09:02

I deactivated in August 2015 as it wasn't good for my mental health (not fertility related). Occasionally I miss event notification or the odd update, but nothing important!

Good luck for the future.

Fruitcorner123 Mon 17-Jul-17 22:09:21

I no longer use my facebook account I haven't got it linked to my phone, or laptop and its attached to an old email address which i can remember but no longer regularly use. I keep it open so I can occasionally check in for things like checking a friends birthday date or looking at photos from a certain event. I am not on it more that 5 or 6 times a year. Its great, instead I can spend time reading, actually socialising and being on mumsnet :-)

I still keep in touch with all the friends who matter to me by phone/email and by actually spending time with them!

So sorry to hear about your IVF and agree that you MH would be better if you had some time off facebook.

VinoEsmeralda Mon 17-Jul-17 22:09:42

I've deactivated my account 2 days ago after not checking in for over a week. It's bliss. What do dont know cant hurt you.

GingerWh1nger Mon 17-Jul-17 22:11:20

Me! Deactivated my account over a year ago and really struggled not to reactivate it at first - I made sure I had the phone numbers of everyone I wanted to stay in touch with via WhatsApp. I made no grand announcement first, just left.

It's a huge difference for my mental health as I text people now and actually have a conversation. I logged back on after a year to see what had happened in my absence, and it was the same old shite from old school 'friends' I don't care much about, posting about what takeaway they want for dinner. I've missed a few wedding pics etc too, but realised if it's a big wedding and I haven't been invited in the first place, they're not a real friend.

Facebook isn't dialogue, it's just endless monologue - the same people wanting likes on their statuses and selfies can't be bothered to respond to a private message asking how they are.

Rant over smile

pringlecat Mon 17-Jul-17 22:12:28

I left many years ago. There are a few people I don't keep in touch with anymore, but I still speak to the ones who matter. FB is a drama magnet. I feel better for not using it.

MacaroonMama Mon 17-Jul-17 22:12:29

So sorry to hear of your difficulties OP. Since January, I have been on FB a handful of times, have left after a couple of minutes, haven't liked/commented etc. I feel so much better I am not tied to it! I haven't deactivated it, and have had a couple of messages from old friends/colleagues which has been nice to have been able to read. I am not quite brave enough to leave officially but it wasn't upsetting me as it is you, I just felt I was wasting my life away on it. Maybe you could start by changing settings so you get no email notifications, then spend a couple of weeks just staying away from it? Wishing you all the best, it sounds like you have been through such a lot flowers

Aducknotallama Mon 17-Jul-17 22:13:19

I deactivated FB a year ago and never looked back

Aquamarine1029 Mon 17-Jul-17 22:13:26

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through. What I do know is that Facebook can cause a HUGE amount of stress, and that certainly doesn't help with infertility issues. I got rid of Facebook 6 years ago and never looked back. It was remarkable how much better I felt without it. It's like a toxic vortex that just sucks you into everyone's fake, petty bullshit.

Heroicallylost Mon 17-Jul-17 22:14:17

I left about 6 months ago, never regretted it. I keep in touch with everyone I WANT to keep in touch with by other means (face to face, WhatsApp) and I don't miss everyone else. Yes there's probably a few things I've missed out on but honestly, you don't need to know everything that's going on in the world all the time.

I also quit Twitter and Instagram at the same time and I don't miss them at all! I think my life is richer for focusing on real friendships rather than news feeds.

acapellagirl Mon 17-Jul-17 22:15:17

I hope something good and unexpected happens to you OP I know of quite a few people where a natural pregnancy occurred where couples have completely given up hope . Perhaps they're more relaxed and this makes a difference - who knows?

AceholeRimmer Mon 17-Jul-17 22:16:14

If you regret it you can just log back in OP and all would be as it was. But I left myself a few years ago after my dad died as everything seemed so shallow and I was wasting my life reading it. Life is so much more content now. No comparison.. just concentrating on my little bubble.

StoatPatronus Mon 17-Jul-17 22:17:32

I had Facebook for about 6 years, but I deactivated it in January last year (2016) , and haven't been back. I use Twitter and Instagram instead now.

Rainbowflower24 Mon 17-Jul-17 22:20:28

Im so sorry for your struggle. Thats really tough. I turned FB off in 2008. It was fine.

sskk2tog Mon 17-Jul-17 22:21:39

I left facebook for almost the exact same reason a few years ago, don't regret it at all and don't miss it.
I deleted my account rather than deactivating, so no going back!

engineersthumb Mon 17-Jul-17 22:25:10

I left years ago and have never regretted it. About 2 years ago I went through the really convoluted process of deleting it. FB make it really difficult but there are online guides that describe how to delete your data. Friends will stay in touch regardless.

ChilliMary Mon 17-Jul-17 22:25:12

Left a few years ago and felt instant relief. For those that are my true friends, we have stayed in touch in other ways, probably more consistently.

Brighteyes27 Mon 17-Jul-17 22:25:38

I would try coming off it for a fortnight a month and see how you feel.
Sorry about your infertility. I was 38 and honestly thought we were at the end of the road when we finally got pregnant you never know.
Lead a full life on your terms and I bet your bottom dollar many of your friends with children will be very envious of you. Also nowadays children grow up very very quickly so ultimately before you know it those with children are on their own with a not so full life.
Take care and whatever you decide be kind to yourselves.

dontcallmelen Mon 17-Jul-17 22:25:41

Hi Op, so sorry about your fertility issues I have never had a Facebook account but manage perfectly well keeping in, contact with family & friends via Whatsapp/text/telephone. I think sometimes it can add mental stress & feeling as though your life may not be 'picture perfect' as a lot of the time what is portrayed, is an edited/sanitised version of real life, I have quite an addictive personality & fear I would be constantly checking it & being nosy, so have kept away from it.
I don't feel as though as I am missing out in anyway & don't really need the added stress of knowing every detail of someone's life, so what I am trying to say in a very long winded way is,you don't have to be on Facebook if you don't want too be.

Sodasoda Mon 17-Jul-17 22:27:03

So sorry OP.

I left FB 5 years ago after a bad relationship break up (we were supposed to be getting married) and I couldn't cope with all my FB friends wedding pics. I also didn't want to see what my ex was doing via mutual friends. Never regretted it and it definitely helped me through a really tough time.

Tilly35 Mon 17-Jul-17 22:27:14

I left for the same reasons, it's a horrible feeling. Make sure you set up a group chat of your closest group who understand your feelings on WhatsApp, it helps you to stay in the loop. I reckon the vast majority of people's MH would be improved by binning Facebook x

Bloosh Mon 17-Jul-17 22:27:38

My dp has, and is happier and more productive. This is making me think I should too.

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