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Sending my children to childcare even though I am not doing anything

(83 Posts)
Porsche23 Mon 17-Jul-17 14:57:09

Hi all
I have two children (aged 2 and 13 months) I am a full-time uni student (about to enter my final year in September) so currently I am on my summer break until the end of September. During term time, I am in uni 4 days a week (2 of them are half days) the 2 full days they go to a childminder and the 2 half days they're looked after by my mum then I am home by around 2PM.

My childminder is amazing, I was so lucky to have found her. She is rated outstanding by ofsted and really loves her job and the children she cares for. Everyday they're doing something different from baby groups to the beach to play farms. She is very active in comparison to a lot of other childminders.

I have bipolar and anxiety, it wasn't really affecting me at the moment (controlled my medication) until a couple of weeks ago the doctor identified me as being in a depressive episode of the bipolar and my anxiety is through the roof as a result too. This weather makes it no better, I wish it was dark or raining/gloomy like how I feel. I just want to lie in bed and sleep the day away (the doctor has switched my medication due to the depressive episode and it makes me feel like a zombie). During the day, I shut myself and the kids away, shut the curtains and they sit playing with their toys. Its got to the point I feel as though I don't want to be a mum anymore because I can't handle any of the things I "should" be doing, like going to the park, beach etc. I know it would be better for them and they deserve to be going out or playing in the garden but I just really am not up to it, everytime one of them makes a fuss I feel like crying.

My mums on holiday for 6 weeks (shes a teacher) so she is going to Australia to visit family, so she can't have the kids. Their dad works and lives in a different country. He has however offered to pay for the kids to go to the childminder four days a week (9-4) for the duration of the summer holidays or atleast till I feel I can cope a bit better.

Is it unreasonable for me to send my kids to the childminder when I "could" look after them (ie not working or studying, just staying at home) I really feel crap and I feel they deserve better and to go out and explore but I am really not up to it, I want to get better and focus on that and focus on going back to uni this year, as in the mindset I am in I will end up dropping out. I have worked so hard for my degree, I am only 21 and went despite having children so it would be a wasted effort to improve my children future)

I just feel sort of "mean" that I would be sending them off to the childminders despite them being well looked after and loved and get to do everything during the day. None of them complain or kick off a fuss when I drop them, they're excited.

I just don't know, AIBU if I send them?

ImLizawithaZ Mon 17-Jul-17 14:59:19

Yanbu flowers

Hisnamesblaine Mon 17-Jul-17 15:00:18

You gotta do what you gotta do. Sounds like they will have a whale of a time..... you need to concentrate on you

Confused59 Mon 17-Jul-17 15:01:22

By improving your mental health and wellbeing you will improve your ability to care for your children. I would say go for using the childminder you know they will be well looked after, you will have time for medication to settle and your health to improve

BeeFarseer Mon 17-Jul-17 15:02:26

I saw the thread title and thought 'Yep, excellent idea' before even reading your post.

Having read it, please stop feeling guilty. You need the break in order to get better. There's nothing wrong with that.

Orangepear Mon 17-Jul-17 15:03:08

Yanbu. I sent my DD1 age 3 to nursery the entire year I was off on mat leave with DD 2.

Ameliablue Mon 17-Jul-17 15:03:40

No it's not unreasonable. If you need the help, take it.

KurriKurri Mon 17-Jul-17 15:04:14

Of course you aren't being unreasonable - you are unwell at the moment. It sounds as if the child minder is lovely, the children won't be missing out, in fact she will be able to do stuff with them that you don't feel well enough to do at the moment.

The main thing is for you to get past this episode and start feeling like yourself again, and hopefully feel able to get back to your studies.
Please don't feel guilty, your children are not missing out and will be fine.

wizzywig Mon 17-Jul-17 15:04:32

Absolutely go for it.

KoalaDownUnder Mon 17-Jul-17 15:05:45

You are so NOT being unreasonable.

Bipolar and depression and two very young kids? You need a bit of respite, or you're going to crash and burn. And the kids love it, so win/win.

You're doing fantastically. Look after yourself. flowers

TooExtraImmatureCheddar Mon 17-Jul-17 15:05:46

YANBU - use the childminder! I absolutely would in your circumstances. Furthermore, I take it you're on your own? Single parents really need some time 'off' too - otherwise you go from work/uni to childcare and back again with no respite and it's exhausting. Even without the mental health issues, you ought to factor in some down time whenever possible.

user1493413286 Mon 17-Jul-17 15:05:49

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. I think the childminder sounds exactly what you and your children need and you shouldn't feel bad. They'll be happy as you've said and you can focus on your own mental health for that time.

Tootsiepops Mon 17-Jul-17 15:06:37

Do what you need to do to be well. Any one who judges you is an arse.

I'm a sahm, don't work, don't study and only have one toddler and I send her to nursery two mornings per week. I need that time to myself or I'd lose the plot entirely.

If your kids enjoy the time with their childminder, take advantage and concentrate on recharging your batteries and feeling well again.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha Mon 17-Jul-17 15:12:00

Do it! They will have a blast, you will still have three full days with them every week, and I suspect you will start to feel better as soon as the burden of childcare is being shared.

I go to work partly for respite, thinking of things to occupy a child all day every day is intimidating!

gingergenius Mon 17-Jul-17 15:15:32

There's no law that says you can't use childcare if you're not working a gazillion hours a week. You need the break, your kids have fun. Simples. No guilt needed so do what you need to do and proritise your health x

blackteasplease Mon 17-Jul-17 15:17:18

Yes of course you should do this

Like a pp I would have said "it's fine" even if you were well!

Oddish Mon 17-Jul-17 15:19:48

Yanbu flowers These are the actions of a caring mum, please try not to feel guilty, you should feel strong and proud of yourself.

nippey Mon 17-Jul-17 15:20:26

I do this once a week, it's vital for my mental health to have some time to myself. Do not feel guilty at all!

thunderyclouds Mon 17-Jul-17 15:22:01

Of course you should. They are excited at drop off. That tells you everything you need to know about their feelings on a day at the CM's. They enjoy it. You get a break. Win win.

mohuzivajehi Mon 17-Jul-17 15:25:02

Of course you need a break. No question. Enjoy.

selly24 Mon 17-Jul-17 15:25:43

Please do send them to Childminder - hoping she has space ..?
It will give you time to recover refocus and be a better mum. In the evenings you will be fresher and more able to cope. You should be proud that you are studying and thinking about your future and the happiness of your children. Wishing you all the best. Hugs.

MiddleClassProblem Mon 17-Jul-17 15:27:08

Another to say YANBU. If you can afford to do it then do flowers

Nope, not unreasonable at all. Happy mum = happy kids. You are doing your best by them by sending them to be looked after by someone that will take them out and play with them.
I have arthritis so therefore if I have time off work I still put my dc in childcare to give my body chance to recoup. Although I have never struggled with my mental health I can imagine that trying to deal with it whilst being in a depressive episode is no easier than the physical challenges someone with a chronic pain condition has to go through.

You have also said that your DCs dad works away and therefore you don't get the help when you have them on weekends/evenings.

Sometimes you just need to do what is right by you to do right by them. It is no different to them being in nursery through the holidays as a lot of working parents have to do.

flowers for you. I hope the time you get to rest helps

Kaykee Mon 17-Jul-17 15:29:32

I think you need to do what you need to do to feel better then you could reduce the kids to maybe one half day 3 full days but equally it's up to you and how you feel as if you're well then the kids will benefit.

I'm a single parent who suffers from depression and anxiety and I know how it feels to be ill and cope with kids (I have 2 who are a year a part in age and 2 older boys) i was coping better in term time as I got a few hours break whilst they were at school but summer hols are here (Scotland) and I'm ratty exhausted and not coping at all. I have no one to leave them with but this summer but am thinking of a holiday club for them a day or two a week next year as they'll be 7&8 saves them looking at my grumpy face all 7 weeks

Hope you have a lovely summer and things start getting better

lieka Mon 17-Jul-17 15:30:23

Of course you can. Even if you didn't "need" to! (and it sounds like you do).

flowers

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