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To feel gutted about missing baby's milestones.

(49 Posts)
SeashellsSeaShells Mon 17-Jul-17 11:42:29

Today is my last Monday of maternity so I'm feeling a bit weepy.
I have to go back to work full time on Friday and teeny tiny DD is with grandparents or daycare every day. 7:30-5.
I feel awful that I'm probably going to miss everything, her first giggle, word, step ect.
My request for part time hours got turned down (I am looking for other work) and I can't afford not to go back (Baby was a surprise so no savings and only maternity allowence)
I know it's my own fault that I have to go back when she is three months old but I'm selfishly feeling sorry for myself missing out on my darling girl and feeling sorry for her being in daycare so many long hours at such a young age sad
Am I being selfish being upset myself when her daddy already misses so much?

MommaGee Mon 17-Jul-17 11:44:33

Have you calculated the financial difference between sitting on maternity allowance for a bit longer and paying for child care? Cab baby's father help? It is VERY early to be going back

Saiman Mon 17-Jul-17 11:44:41

3 weeks?

SeashellsSeaShells Mon 17-Jul-17 11:45:27

3 months! oh my goodness. No she isn't three weeks!

BlueThesaurusRex Mon 17-Jul-17 11:46:16

Omg.. I understand why you would feel this way! 3 weeks is so young...

Are there any other jobs you could do part time? A local supermarket for example?

BlueThesaurusRex Mon 17-Jul-17 11:46:38

Haha x posted! Still very young!

Saiman Mon 17-Jul-17 11:46:45

Ah thats not quite so shocking. Although it is early.

Are you thr main earner?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 17-Jul-17 11:46:51

3 weeks?!

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 17-Jul-17 11:47:15

Sorry,X posted!

BayLeaves Mon 17-Jul-17 11:49:49

If it helps in any way, these milestones don't tend to be a sudden first word or first step, or even first giggle, they kind of evolve slowly and it's hard to say which is the first one. So if you're there with her outside of work, you will see her learning and developing. It's hard to pinpoint a first giggle, because it goes from little coos and noises, to almost-giggles, to full on laughs! You are bound to catch plenty of those moments. Same with first steps, they develop from standing, cruising, stumbling, etc.

Yukbuck Mon 17-Jul-17 11:50:07

3 months is still so young! Poor you op. I'd be feeling the same. Try not to dwell too much though. It'll get easier and make the most of all the time you have.

Windycityblues Mon 17-Jul-17 11:50:13

3 weeks? I am surprised that a day care setting will take a three week baby. It doesn't sound great but looking for another job would seem to be the best way forward if you can't afford to stay at home with her. It is not selfish to be sad about leaving her.

Windycityblues Mon 17-Jul-17 11:50:50

Sorry x posted.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Mon 17-Jul-17 11:50:52

Bay that's very true.

SeashellsSeaShells Mon 17-Jul-17 11:51:29

Can I ask this to be edited if not I think everyone will be more concerned with three weeks blush

drinkingtea Mon 17-Jul-17 11:53:09

You won't necessarily miss everything, as you'll still be with her more hours than you're away...

Grandparent childcare maybe emotionally difficult because most grandparents will be bursting to tell you they've witnessed a "first", while a decent empethetic childcare professional won't tell you and will feign surprised delight when you tell them your baby has taken her first step, and not tell you she did that in their care last week...

3 months does seem incredibly early to go back in the UK though - no way you can hold out til 6 months?

Report your own post and hopefully MN will be able to amend it for you smile

FurryGiraffe Mon 17-Jul-17 11:54:54

I agree with Bay. These things evolve. They don't suddenly wake up and crawl etc. It's even true with speaking. Both my DSs first word was 'cat'. But it was more like 'ca' because they couldn't pronounce the 't'. And it wasn't until they'd said it several times with clear context (pointing at the cat!) that we were convinced it was a proper word rather than a babbling sound. So there was no 'eureka' moment when we said 'he said his first word' because it wasn't until it was repeatable and consistent that we were sure it was their first word.

divadee Mon 17-Jul-17 11:55:58

It is hard. Tell grandparents and childcare not to tell you about the firsts. It's only a first if you see it .... That's the law.

GlitteryGlitter Mon 17-Jul-17 11:56:17

My husband works full time and often comes and tells me baby just did this or that when he's home like it's the first time usually dd has been doing it for days he's just not been to see.
He still gets to see her doing it for the first time - to him, it's still as exciting for him as the first time she does it with me, so you'll still get all the firsts flowers for you

SeashellsSeaShells Mon 17-Jul-17 11:58:17

I've reported :-)
I'm not the main breadwinner but my wages are substantial in paying the mortgage ect. Obviously we should have considered this before she was born (complete surprise baby blush). However work seemed sure that I could go back part time but situations have changed sad.

LouHotel Mon 17-Jul-17 11:58:35

We send our 1 year old to nursery just two days a week and thats £400 a month. You'll get maternity allowance for another 6 months are you sure its beneficial for you to return to work?

emesis Mon 17-Jul-17 12:00:48

You're not being selfish! You're being a loving devoted Mum. Most people find going back to work after maternity leave really hard no matter what the age. Like another poster said, you'll still get all the firsts for you flowers

thegirlupnorth Mon 17-Jul-17 12:01:14

My childminder once told me that the first time you see you child smile, crawl, walk etc will always be YOUR first time so it's still special. It was a lovely thing for her to say as my son was almost walking and I mentioned he may walk at her house first. She also said she wouldn't tell me until I told her I'd seen him do it.

Saiman Mon 17-Jul-17 12:03:17

Have you looked at wtc etc?

It could be that you wont be that nuch better off for working when you take nursery fees off.

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