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AIBU?

In laws

8 replies

Takenforanob · 12/07/2017 19:03

Specifically SIL . Just feel that whatever I do is never good enough. I make regular phone calls, send flowers when times have been tough, send thoughtful/ personal presents at Xmas and birthdays, treat kids, watch what I say and I don't get any thanks. Why do I bother? Do you 'need' to get on with SIL? If it wasn't for fact we were SIL, she's not somebody I'd naturally gravitate towards. Just always feel inferior to her. There's quite a lot of history where I've felt like this but it'd take ages to type and it'd reveal me I'm sure!!

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fc301 · 12/07/2017 19:49

She's just not that into you.
Why not back off a bit, accept that you are quite different and maintain a polite acquaintance? It sounds like you are over invested in getting her to validate you but it's not working.

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Pengggwn · 12/07/2017 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aquamarine1029 · 12/07/2017 20:16

I wouldn't be blatantly rude, of course, but I certainly wouldn't go out of my way or waste money on people who show zero appreciation. I wouldn't bother with phone calls, either. What's the point?

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Justhadmyhaircut · 12/07/2017 20:25

Your efforts clearly aren't appreciated. Leave the birthday and Xmas stuff to your dh. .
She isn't your friend is she?

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gabsdot · 12/07/2017 20:32

My SIL is like this. She's been married to my lovely brother for 22 years so it's not like we're recent acquaintances.
I just always feel like I've made a bad first impression before I even see her.
Sometimes she's nice but it's unusual.
I just let her get on with things and don't press our friendship.

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Angelicinnocent · 12/07/2017 20:39

My SIL has been married to my DB for 23 years. She is a lovely woman but we have nothing in common.

We maintain a polite relationship, help each other as needed and encourage our children to be friends.

We'll never be friends but we will never be enemies either!

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MissJSays · 12/07/2017 20:44

Some people are just like that! Maybe you're just not her type of person. Try not to dwell on it and from now on stop making the effort

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Takenforanob · 12/07/2017 21:50

Thanks everyone. I like the "never be friends but never be enemies" line. She's my DH brother's wife. She does show zero appreciation. A classic was nephew's birthday a few months back - I ordered a present he'd been on about and a personalised gift.... Rely went to some effort for him. Got a bog standard text from her to say thanks but then she'd put on Facebook a gushing post about some other personalised gift for him from a friend and how lovely it was. Typical her. I feel like I could do something extra nice and special and it's just acknowledged a d somebody else does something similar and they are the best things since sliced bread.