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To think no wedding list=no present

(105 Posts)
Bostin Wed 12-Jul-17 04:19:01

AIBU to think that if you do not provide a wedding list or include a request for cash as you have already set up home (as most couples these days) or even a dodgy poem then you are not expecting to be bought a gift or given a sum of money?

Youllneverlivelikecommonpeople Wed 12-Jul-17 04:20:03

YABU

MaddieBoots Wed 12-Jul-17 04:20:22

Noooo always present.

But it can be an inexpensive 'personal' thing. Like art.

Bostin Wed 12-Jul-17 04:22:47

Interesting. We didn't ask for anything and got some gifts but certainly not from all which was fine as we didn't expect anything.

SabineUndine Wed 12-Jul-17 04:24:03

Some people actually think it's bad manners to provide a list or ask for money. They wait until people offer.

Boredboredboredboredbored Wed 12-Jul-17 04:24:03

Maybe maybe not, I'd still give something though as a gesture. I can't imagine going to a wedding without a gift.

user1487372252 Wed 12-Jul-17 04:24:07

😂

Of course people don't expect one but what are you implying? Have you received an invite without a list and are hoping to turn up withou something? Very rude if you are.

Should birthday invites etc also include lists?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 12-Jul-17 04:24:37

No, it just means you have a little class.

Then you can play the 'you shouldn't' 'I must' dance.

I requested no presents but if people felt they had to then they could choose from a small list which included Marmite, PG Tips tea bags and brown sauce.

You absolutely have to give people permission if you want no gifts. Be plain.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 12-Jul-17 04:24:37

Actually, not providing a tacky gift registry is traditionally the polite thing to do. A wedding invitation should not be a gift grab. YABU.

Bostin Wed 12-Jul-17 04:24:43

But a discussion this evening has led me to believe that I may be unusual in this viewpoint.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 12-Jul-17 04:26:05

Traditionally people were invited and then asked the Bride's family what they should give, then were given the list by them. Very time consuming and weird but worked.

BenLui Wed 12-Jul-17 04:26:25

YABU. We didn't include a wedding list or mention gifts in our invitation in any way. My mother would have considered it the very height of bad manners.

Everyone gave us a gift.

Bostin Wed 12-Jul-17 04:27:03

Because I didn't ask for gifts and didn't expect any I thought that when others don't ask for anything then that meant they felt the same as me.

Bostin Wed 12-Jul-17 04:27:54

Exactly it shouldn't be a gift grab!

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 12-Jul-17 04:29:31

Did people really come with nothing? I find that quite strange to be honest. Small tokens are lovely but nothing would be considered very rude in my family (mainly Scottish if that makes a difference).

TooGood2BeFalse Wed 12-Jul-17 04:31:19

At my wedding we didn't have a wedding list or a request for anything like cash. However, we live in Cyprus and STBXH is Cypriot so the common theme is to give cash and it's genuinely not considered rude here which took me ages to get my head around.

A lot of the British guests brought presents, which was way more exciting as everyone knew we were already living together with a baby so they really used their imaginations which was so thoughtful. My favourite presents were an ice cream maker, an art set and a home made 'parent kit' - which included ear plugs, champagne, condoms and a massage set grin

Bostin Wed 12-Jul-17 04:31:49

How strange. Are you all in the UK? I genuinely didn't expect gifts as we'd been together for years and didn't need anything so didn't ask.
But it seems I am in a minority and that people don't ask for gifts to be polite but really are expecting presents.

Bostin Wed 12-Jul-17 04:33:01

Yes people came with nothing.

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 12-Jul-17 04:43:54

Nationalities at my weddings (<cough> I've had more than one) were:

Polish
Israeli
English, Scots and Irish
Canadian
Japanese
American
Swedish
Bahamanian
Luxembourger (sic)
Pakistani
Many second generations... Ukrainian/German, Jamaican and the like.

No one came with nothing. The lovely Israeli friend of DH was notable for spending a fortune when he was asked explicitly to spend nothing.

BoomBoomsCousin Wed 12-Jul-17 04:55:24

I think lots of people, especially if they've been living together for ages and have set up home etc., only expect gifts in the sense that think it's inevitable people will give them things rather than having an attitude of really looking forward to all the loot. So the lists and honeymoon registries and the like are just a way to try and direct that into a form of giving that feels less wasteful than 3 partial dinner services, 12 photo frames, 4 soda streams and 35 cut glass vases that will look awful and take up too much space in your modern one-bedroom-no-closets flat on the far reaches of the tube.

womaninatightspot Wed 12-Jul-17 05:00:13

I think the polite thing to do is ask them. Last wedding I attended without giftlist; couple been together years suggested gift vouchers from b and q so they could tackle the garden. I'd be really blush to come with nothing.

BenLui Wed 12-Jul-17 05:06:06

I'm Scottish.

Gifts weren't expected we wouldn't have batted an eyelid if someone didn't bring one, but not specifically mentioning them in the invitation doesn't mean they aren't appropriate.

It just means they have traditional manners IME.

KoalaDownUnder Wed 12-Jul-17 05:10:35

YABU.

It's not 'If you don't ask for a gift, it means you don't want one'. That's not how gifts work.

TisapityshesaGeordie Wed 12-Jul-17 05:13:32

I wouldn't go to a dinner party without a gift for the host. Why on earth would anyone go to the biggest party most people throw in their lives without a gift for them?

derxa Wed 12-Jul-17 05:16:10

YABU

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