Twin party but invite from just one of them

[Northend77]

More of a What Would You Do, than AIBU but posting for traffic really

I am having a joint party for my twin DDs in October (turning 3). They joined a new nursery a couple of months ago and have started to make friends (are mentioning a few names that I recognise from the list of kids in their room). Currently the 2 names mentioned have only been from one of my DDs and we encourage individual friendships so, as it stands (I won't do invites til nearer the date) I will be sending these children an invite from just this one DD. As I won't know the parents (but they may well know she's a twin) I don't want to them to feel obliged to do cards/gifts for both of my DDs or be put off going because they feel obliged IYSWIM.

What would be the ideal thing to do or to write on these invites to avoid this - any ideas? I don't want to seem presumptuous or sound formal and now I've wound it up into my head to be a much bigger issue than it really is!!

[Artisanjam]

We've done joint parties for my DS and twins before. The children were a bit older so DS and twin 1 invited their friends jointly and twin 2 invited his friends. Just completely separate sets of invitations.

If parents know they're twins and choose to buy cards or presents for both, it is then up to them but they won't need to feel obliged to do so.

[arsenicistheanswer]

A simple "twin A" would like to invite "friend A" to her birthday party. It totally avoids them thinking they need to provide two presents. If in future years they all become friends, then it might be problematic, but not if it stays one on one!

[LaurieMarlow]

I think it sounds weird to only come from one twin. And if they don't know she's a twin, surely they'll find it strange to pitch up at the party to find two of them there.

I'd just put 'x and y would love to see you at their birthday party' then have a note somewhere about no gifts.

[Lucie8881]

I don't think it's odd at all for you to address invites from your individual dd's.

My 3 DC all share birthdays within a few days of each other, there has been a few years where I've held a joint parties. On each occasion invites have come from whichever child is friends with that particular invitee.

[Northend77]

arsenicistheanswer that's what I want to do, but as LaurieMarlow said they might feel odd finding out it's a joint party when they get there. And if I say no presents (which I'm more than happy to do) then I don't want them to feel odd for turning up when others are bringing presents (family don't live locally so they will be bringing presents with them and no parking outside to put presents in the car).

[Northend77]

I think I will stick with the invite just from the one DD (unless the other starts to mention the same names) and leave it as that. I have to pass the invites to the children via the nursery staff anyway as I don't know the parents and they are aware of the party and are keeping an eye out for new friendships so perhaps they might say something anyway

They are our only children so all we know is twins so sometimes it's hard to see things from the opinion of someone with just 1 child and I hate putting people in situations that might be awkward!

[Quartz2208]

But surely turning up and realising they are twins and you only have one present is also awkward.

I would say Twin A would like to invite you to Twin A and B party that way you are clearly stating your side and they can decide from there.

Personally for joint parties it depends. I have a £10 budget so if I know both I buy two £5 presents, for one where I knew one and not the other one present. So in this instance I would either get one present that both could share or two smaller.

In the instance actually where I only got one it was A would like to invite you to A and B party

[Mummyoflittledragon]

You are overthinking this. I'd put it from both children. The parents of the friends can choose to spend say £2-£5 each instead of the £4-£10 they'd normally spend on one. And unless there are dozens of kids, I'd just invite all of the children who attend the day your girls do. They're not yet 3. Odds on they won't have mentioned certain children, who they play with loads. My dd couldn't do reliable lists for friend invites until she was at least 7.

[AlaskanSnow]

The invites I've see have said
"Twin A and Twin B turn 3. Twin A would like to invite Friend X to the party"

[MikeUniformMike]

What if A is more popular than B and want to invite twice as many friends. What if A gets 3 presents and * gets 8.
I would invite them to A and B's birthday party.

[Ladyrookwood]

Keep things simple and enjoy getting away with a joint party! And think ahead. What will you do in future if one twin has more friends than the other or are both friends with the same girl? I have boy girl twins so relatively easy to sort out whose friends are who's. I always send invitations from one twin to his/her friends. Normally the named twin receives a present, but on a few occasions people have been generous enough to give them both one.

[Whatsername17]

What you are proposing is absolutely fine. I'd still buy both children and gift though. Two of dd's friends are twins, usually they get dd one gift from both of them and we get each twin a gift on their birthdays. I couldn't care less about parity. They are lovely kids and lovely friends.

[purplegreen99]

I would put it from both to avoid confusion & avoid any problem with getting them both to choose the same number of people (& what if they both claim the same friend? Who gets that present? :)). It's no different from 2 unrelated children having a joint party, which happens a lot. When my children have been invited to joint parties I've always bought presents for both children even when we don't really know one of them. With twins people might also buy a joint gift of something they would both be able to use/enjoy.

[Northend77]

Thanks everyone. I think I will do as Quartz2208 and AlaskanSnow have said and invite from one DD to both DDs party, that makes it clear and then they can make their own mind up. Unfortunately they attend full time and it's a big nursery so I can't invite all the children - there's already 30 on the list and in just the 2-3 room that they're in, they could double that!!

[Northend77]

Ladyrookwood I have no idea how it's going to work in the future, as they get older!! The potential dilemmas terrify me!!!
I am just taking one year at a time for now!!!

[Neolara]

My dd is good friends with boy / girl twins. When she is invited to their party, the mum specifically says please only buy a present for twin A / Twin B, depending on which twin the invitee is most friendly with. I've found this clarity helpful (although I've always ended up buying for both, but that's because they both v close friends to my dd.)

[TheCakeCrusader]

On my twins joint birthday parties, we just sent 1 invitation from both children. There's never been any confusion as most people knew them as multiples (2 boys) . Friends/ family were welcome to bring gifts/ cards if they wanted- sometimes one card for both children or one each and the same with presents. We were appreciative either way and the children were just happy to celebrate their birthday with them.

[FrancesHaHa]

My DD recently attended a twins party and just received an invite from the twin in her class. We didn't actually realise it was a joint party, but it wasn't awkward that she'd only bought one present, I think everyone did the same.

I sort of saw it as similar to being invited to a joint party by one friend and not really knowing the other birthday boy/girl well - I just buy a present for the child who has invited, not both.

Obviously if the child is good friends with both twins, I would buy for both

[Northend77]

thank you FrancesHaHa, it's good to hear from someone who has been to a party and not known it was joint, glad it wasn't awkward

[lalalalyra]

For my twins I always did two separate invitations.

For a child invited by one child it would be "X would like to invite saidchild to X and Y's 3rd birthday party". Or for those from both "X and Y would like to invite etc".

That way people knew it was a joint party and knew if they'd been invited by one child or by both children. Generally I found people invited by one brought a card and gift for the child they were invited by (some brought a card for the other child) and those by both brought two gifts.

[NoCryingInEngineering]

We had a recent invite to a joint party (brothers, but not twins). The invite we received was worded as 'Child B would like to invite (our DS) to A & B's birthday party'. I took that to mean present /card for Child B only, though I can see it would be more confusing if both A&B were in DS's room/class

[waterrat]

You are really overthinking. I have taken my son to a twin party id want to know so i could get 2 presents. I wouldnt mind this and at this age its fine. As they get older maybe they will have their own parties.

[Gunpowder]

Lots of DD's friends who aren't related seem to have joint parties. I do two presents if she know both children/they are in the same class or just one if she only knows one of the children.

[Tilapia]

If my child was invited to this party I would buy a present for each twin. If I didn't realise it was a twin party, and turned up with only one present, I would feel a bit awkward and would be very apologetic to the twins' mother.

If they were older and/or weren't having a joint party, it would be different.

[OneInEight]

I did this year for my two (i) Because they got an embarrassing amount of presents when we had held a joint party for them previously and (ii) Because they had started to play with different children and I wanted the other parents to see them as individuals and not as an inseparable unit. Most people still brought two presents but that was their choice. I think one did end up with more presents than the other but it was not a major issue.