To ask your help finding DH a job/working out what he can do(129 Posts)
DH has been out of work for a very long time (originally signed off sick but now just unemployed) he does not want to go back to bar work or shop work, which are all he has ever done.
He has a handful of GCSEs. For about the 7 millionth time we have discussed him going back to work, or rather this time having just found out he's not applied for a couple of jobs his friend found for him (or indeed any jobs for at least 6 months) I have snapped and told him to get a fucking job or get out (I've been happy to support him when i thought he was applying and just not getting anywhere but now i know he's not even trying im pretty pissed off) I've said I will help him look but to be honest I'm a bit stuck on what to suggest.
So what jobs can people suggest?
I earn just enough by the way that we don't qualify for any benefits and childcare isn't an issue so any money he brings in is a bonus, I'm just sick of his excuses. Also i've said he has 1 month before not wanting to do bar work or shop work is tough shit, I don't want him to be miserable and I know job hunting sucks but I'm fed up of struggling to make ends meet when hes not even trying!
Don't suggest anything.
He's a grown man. He can work out what job to do. Seeing as he's very picky, he has to choose for himself.
Do not help. Tell him to just fucking sort it out. If he wants specific help like proof reading a form, you'll do it if he asks. But it's all on him.
Is this pure laziness, weed habit, or something else?
Laziness, and pride, he keeps saying things are beneath him. He's never smoked weed.
If he is signing on, there will probably be a jobclub that he could go on. It might have a different name.
The What colour is your parachute book might help. The local library might have it.
He might need retraining, if he is on benefits he might be eligible for help.
Is he depressed?
How old is he? Perhaps he needs to retrain? Go to college...?
So he thinks he's too good for the only jobs he qualifies for but has no problem for you to carry you both financially?
I couldn't be doing with a man like that.
Hes 35, not signing on. And yeah, I think retraining is the way to go but having no luck convincing him if that. I retrained through the OU but he's refusing to do that as he wouldn't be getting paid
Well he's not getting paid now!
He needs to take whatever he can get right now as a temporary measure until he works out what he actually wants to do.
There's an odd paradox at work...
On the one hand men are proud - sometimes too proud to consider driving or bus or pulling pints in a bar. On the other hand they are never too proud to be looked after by the women in their lives and you are essentially fulfilling the role his Mother used to occupy. You nurture and provide.
If you want one thing to change you need to change the other. I'm not saying 'start being mean and nasty' but unless he is fulfilling the role of stay at home Dad (all childcare, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc) then he needs to start feeling uncomfortable as a "kept man". You need (and he needs) his own pride to drive him into finding or creating an income stream.
I would be telling him to get the fuck out and not come back until he was in either education or a job.
Call centre work? Maybe receptionist?
Other than that, he needs to retrain, which would be better all round.
Or is he secretly wanting to be the SAHP?
Building site work. It's all via agencies these days but unless you're in the arse end of nowhere, once he gets a foot in the door, there should be no shortage of work if you're in commuting distance of a city or anywhere where there's housing development going on.
If he's fit and strong he could do labouring or groundwork, or he could look into getting a licence for a telehandler or another machine. DP managed to get a free 2 day course for a telehandler licence but that was a few years ago so was perhaps a scheme that doesn't exist any more.
He should ask at the job centre or google for local agencies. Might be a good time of year to get into this sort of thing as they'll be needing holiday cover.
Or bus/lorry driving - buses often have 'drivers wanted' signs on them, and there's a Mumsnetter who's a long distance lorry driver who says that there's a shortage of drivers and work available if you're reasonably close to the main motorway network. Supermarket delivery driver? Own dog walking business? Care work? Lots of male clients would rather be washed and dressed by a man than a woman.
HGV license is expensive to get and drivers have to do CBT as well now. Logistics industry there are jobs in warehousing, planning etc. You start at the bottom but opportunities to work your way up ( most GMs I meet started out as pickers in the warehouse). Factory work?
WTF he's 35 with kids and can't be arsed to get a job? Genuinely I'd LTB by now. As above leave him to it let him sort it give him a time frame then see what happens. He is a very grown up man it is pathetic he doesn't want to even try to provide for his family. Stop giving him money.
so, he is 35. he has what another 35 years before he retires. what does he think he is going to be doing for the next 35 years then?
I agree with the poster up thread. nothing changes if nothing changes. if he is in the role of stay at home parent then make him embrace that. shopping, cooking, cleaning, childcare the lot. in fact go completely OTT on it for a couple of weeks.
he is sitting at home with his pride because he can. he has no incentive to get work. and much as you don't want to hear this, you are enabling him at the moment. and all the time you enable he will piss take.
he is in the rut where everything you suggest will be wrong so stop suggesting. it will be too far, too poorly paid, too long shifts, don't like the owner etc etc.
you have to confront him. tell him you are fed up with his lazy ass excuses. he has a week to get a plan together that is either retraining or working.
He would love to be a SAHP, but we don't need one, kids are 8 and 13 and I work in a school so same hours and holidays.
Thanks all, there a few bits he might like there, factory work with the view that theres a way to work up from that maybe.
Would bus or train driving be an option? No license costs as they provide the training, and they pay surprisingly well. With a history in customer facing work and handling cash bus driving in particular might work.
well he is a sahd at the moment isn't he? so does he do all of the shopping, cooking, washing etc or do you rush in from work, cook tea clean up whilst simultaneously putting on the washing?
stop pandering to him. whatever you suggest he wont want to do.
he needs to re skill and get out and do something. but would he stick to college OP? or will there be a million and one dog ate my homework excuses.
he is in a rut. only he can get himself out. support him by all means to do this once he has taken the decisions and the first steps but you aren't his mum kicking a lazy teenager to get a job in the takeaway are you?
Apply for the police - will take some time but could do 'beneath him jobs in the mean time'
My husband had no real qualifications but did on the job qualifications and then applied for an NVQ assessors job where they put him through his A1 assessors qualification whilst he worked. He gets to choose his hours on a day and whereas he started out delivering hospitality he now delivers all sorts because he's trained as he's gone along
How hard/expensive is a CSCS card to get? That would open up a lot of work and fit with his dream that he wants to be self employed one day (which I would support if he had any idea what he wants to be doing while self employed)
He'll struggle being self-employed considering he's not worked in years and has no experience in any field outside of bar work and retail.
Where's his work ethic? He has children who are too old to need a SAHP yet he's happy to sit on his backside and watch you struggle yet it's beneath him to get a job in Tesco or the pub?
Care work with people with learning difficulties or in hospital
Own business - window cleaning, dog walking, gardening, airport taxi, laundry/ironing, decorating and handyman.
Community work either with local authority or pcso.
Ambulance technician onto paramedic
Deliveroo if in a city
Learn to sail and deliver yachts
mummymeister he does some of the shopping and he looks after the DC 2 hours a week while I'm at a hobby. I think if he could see a clear plan of where he wants to go he might manage college, as it is at the moment, no I think it'd just be an excuse not to work.
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