My MIL was a SAHM for a large part of her life, and when her kids got old enough she worked part time just to give herself a tiny bit of spending money each month (she could never work full time as there are big age gaps between her DCs so she always had a small child to look after). FIL had a VERY well paid job and has always paid mortgage and bills.
My issue is that they are both now in their 70's and retired, yet FIL is INCREDIBLY tight with HIS money (he thinks of it as 'his' as he was the one that earned it, and not 'joint', despite the fact she was at home raising 4 kids which is a job in itself!) so MIL has nothing to spend on herself at all. Yes her basic needs are met as he pays for a small grocery shop each week and covers the utilities, but my DH has to pay for her mobile phone as otherwise she would not be able to have one, and we also try to treat her to something nice on birthdays and Christmas because otherwise she would never have new clothes, slippers, basically treats that people normally take for granted.
MIL seems to suffer a bit with depression also, although we haven't spoken about this openly, and I think having a tiny bit of money to treat herself with each month would really cheer her up, even if it was just enough to go out for a few lunches with friends. AIBU that it makes me really angry that FIL has got stacks of cash in the bank, yet we seem to be the ones that have to treat her to meals out, etc because she gets so down about not being able to do anything? DH said not to let it get to me as it's always been that way with them, but it just seems really unfair. Is it really that normal to have a relationship where one of you has so much control over the finances? Luckily for me DH hasn't inherited FILs traits and is very generous, but it makes me sad to see MIL spend her retirement sitting indoors all day because she can't afford to go out.
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AIBU?
Feel bad for for MIL :-(
70 replies
joojoobean99 · 10/07/2017 19:47
OP posts:
VulvalHeadMistress ·
10/07/2017 19:59
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VulvalHeadMistress ·
10/07/2017 20:00
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