Dh's holiday antics AIBU?(96 Posts)
Posting on here as DH says I'm always unreasonable over his drinking (he's nasty even after one drink, so I don't like him drinking and "go moody" about it)
History: I told him he drinks too much and he did cut down, as he all of a sudden started going out on the lash getting wasted at weekends which affected his mood and behaviour and started drinking a lot more at home and family meals. He cut right down but it's still an issue between us.
Anyway here we are on our second ever foreign holiday (first in 3 years as we couldn't afford it). It's hard work as we have a 2yo and 7yo, the 7yo is incredibly difficult.
I have done every nappy, bath etc. Just like at home (I'm SAHM he works) except also doing all childcare while DH relaxes and occasionally plays with them for 5 mins.
Don't mind that as such but the first day we came here he got drunk (we're all inclusive, big mistake), said he wasn't drunk but was really nasty and couldn't remember it all the next day. He had a sober day as we had a car. Every day since he's been either tipsy or quite drunk but insisted he's fine.
He refused to eat today blaming his weight but in reality he just didn't want to sober up. It's 5pm and he's throwing up non stop from all the booze. I've been up all night with both kids and he knows how tired I am. Literally half hour before he started throwing up he told me he's fine to watch 2yo if I want a glass of wine!!!
I've had the kids up all night every night and had them all day, I'm fuming at him because I haven't had a single minute to even go toilet alone!
Oh and he buys a cocktail and tries to get 2yo to have a sip, I keep saying no but he finds it hilarious! Thankfully she didn't have any but the 7yo did As he told her it was orange! Thankfully she only had a sip!! He's done this so many times and I just don't find it funny at all!!! Then he keeps bringing me glasses of wine trying to force me to drink and rolling his eyes wh
I've taken the kids out for a bit and dd2 fell asleep meaning she probably won't sleep all night, fed up now. I'm exhausted and fed up, we've got 2 days left.
AIBU to expect him to be sober?
Edit to add: I haven't had a single alcoholic drink since we arrived, he keeps bringing me wine and rolling his eyes when I refuse and telling me he never gets drink and can look after kids!!
Yes YABU because he is clearly an alcoholic with fewer morals than an alley cat, no interest in living a drink free life and no respect for you and your children.
If his drinking is an issue at home then yes YABU to think it would be any different on an all inclusive, drink as much as you like, holiday.
And the advantages of being with this plonker?
In answer to your aibu, no his behaviour sounds awful.
Grit your teeth and ignore him as much as you can for the next two days and when you get home, LTB.
And I'm not a poster who throws out LTBs willy nilly.
He sounds like an absolute waste of space and an utterly shitty father.
You and your DC deserve so much better.
I'd be giving him an ultimate I think.
Get help for being an alcoholic or fuck off.
You'd be much better off without him.
Any tips on how to mNage the last couple of days without arguments? I already get up with kids in morning, do all childcare and be up all night with them, he has it very easy as he knows I'm there. According to him it's hard cos he has to deal with dd2 tantrums and crying (and by deal I mean ignore while I sort her) dame with dd1, he moans it's hard but it's me dealing with her!
YANBU he sounds awful.
What are you going to do about it when you get home?
I'm so sorry, that sounds horrible. I'm afraid nothing will change unless DH admits to himself that he is an alcoholic and seeks help. I guess it's easier for him to mask it at home.
Well, it's certainly unreasonable to expect an alcoholic to suddenly be capable of not drinking just because you're on holiday. Quite honestly I'd burn his passport and go home without him but you're probably going to have to just buckle down, spend the rest of the holiday planning what happens when you get home and think realistically about whether he's capable of prioritising his family over booze.
Sorry to hear you're not enjoying your family holiday as you should mommy.
I'm sure you don't need anyone to say this, but he obviously has a problem with alcohol. It can suddenly creep up, and he may not even realise how excessive the amount he is consuming is becoming. You need to have a serious talk about options, such as seeking help. The safety of you children is of course paramount, and if he cannot help himself I think for me the relationship would be over.
Advice re staying calm for the remainder of the holiday - ignore him. Plan your days out just you and your children, and have fun.
Honestly you won't be able to. He's a nasty drunk by the sounds of things (I know one of these) and he'll look for a fight. If you can't leave early could you find alternative accommodation? Then think very very seriously about how you want to live when you get home.
Yanbu. That sounds awful.
I think the best course of action is to ditch him and make the most you possibly can of the next two days. Take kids out and do things you will all enjoy. It's rubbish you are not getting time to relax but do you really want to leave them with him anyway? Doesn't sound like you can trust him.
Have serious words about your relationship when you get home
YANBU, of course. But what's your plan? This wouldn't be a good relationship to stay in as is if it were just you. But with children there who he is clearly not capable of looking after properly and whom he may be a danger to, you need to be a bit more focused on a plan than on your feelings.
He has a major alcohol problem, regardless of all the issues with him being no use as a husband and dad, and being nasty. Unless he realises this and tries to get help, I can't see anything improving for you. I think you should start planning to separate, he doesn't seem to have any redeeming features at all!
You've got my first ever LTB and I'd do it now. Go home now with the kids and change the locks. I'm serious. Being an alcoholic is one thing, giving booze to the kids is quite another.
Some people should never drink, and he's one of them. He just can't handle it even after one, which shows he shouldn't be drinking.
If he's not willing to give it up, I'd say LTB is your only answer.
Nothing is going to stop him drinking. Big mistake going AI tbh but that's by the by now.
I guess you could tell him if he drinks another drop whilst away it's over. But it probably won't stop him.
You really should consider your future with him though. He sounds pretty horrible.
I think I agree with Sabine. I cant imagine what you get out of this relationship apart from heartache. I'd go home now and start planning an alternative life.
Whilst you're on holiday can you plan some trips out with the DC? Any excursions? To water parks or boat trips or zoos? Then he can stay at home puking or drinking and you and the DC can have a nice last few days?
It sounds like hell on earth. Your husband sounds like a dick. Trying to give the kids alcohol. What the fuck!!!
You seriously can't be happy bringing your kids up in this environment.
The only unreasonable thing you are doing, is staying married to this buffoon.
Well Ltb is the obvious answer but if you are not going to ltb I think recording him on your phone being a drunken twat and letting him listen to it (when you're safely home) might be a way to get him to see what he is like when drunk
You'll just have to suffer the last few days. He's an alcoholic. Alcohol is much more important to him than you or the children.
More of the same when you get home I suppose.
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