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Holiday or not

(12 Posts)
missm0use Mon 10-Jul-17 09:35:37

Backstory: DP works full time, at the moment it's 50 hours a week over 5 days due to the time of year, usually 40 hours. I also work full time and am self-employed and work from home, I work 60 hours over 7 days by the time all the work I do to maintain the business is factored in, but during the winter it can be a few as 10 hours. I also look after our 18 month old DD whilst running the business, as well as 90% of the housework and 100% of the household admin - it's related to the work I do. I make almost triple his wage from the business and pay all the utilities, insurances, shopping and including for his cigarettes & alcohol. DP's wages are his own which he is saving for when I am taking time off work. DP helps out occasionally in the evenings with housework - think loading / unloading washing machine/dishwasher/tumble dryer, setting the table or looking out food for breakfast. At the weekends he will help out with business as well - help with cooking breakfast, tidying up, hoovering - probably 5/6 hours over the weekend.

DP announced that he would like to take some time off work in September to have a long weekend away before baby number 2 due as he is feeling burned out and needs a break.

I agreed with him that if he felt he needed to take time off and get away for a few days that he should do so. However I do not want to take time off work and go away for a long weekend before baby number 2. Once baby 2 is here I won't be working again for at least two months, and when I return to work I will only be working a few hours a week as well as now looking after two children. I do not want to take any time off work before the baby as it could make the at the most I could earn £800 in the three days we would be away. Also we have a planned to family holiday in January abroad. With this in mind suggested that either he goes by himself or that he takes our DD who's 18 months.

Apparently I am being completely unreasonable and that he wants to go on a family trip so I have to take time off to accommodate his wants/needs, and that my want to keep working out overruled by his want to go away.

Defuzzing Mon 10-Jul-17 09:41:46

Yabu.
I could earn £800 in the three days
Are you
#livingthedream #feelingblessed #makingmemories
wink grin

missm0use Mon 10-Jul-17 09:58:23

Can you explain why aibu to not want to go away for a long weekend? Instead of commenting on my earning potential?

FYI I have a bed and breakfast, when fully booked for 3 nights that is what I earn!

Defuzzing Mon 10-Jul-17 10:39:43

Yabu because your Dp needs a break "he is feeling burned out and needs a break"
There is more to life than making money. Make an effort especially while your dd is young. She deserves some nice family time too. If you neglect everything else just to make money, some day you will look around and realise you have left life pass you by and don't have a lot to show for it,
other than material things. You are neglecting your relationships.

RebelRogue Mon 10-Jul-17 11:19:05

It depends on the financial setup.
Is your income essential to the household?
When you will have no/reduced income after baby no 2, will your partner cover the downfall (so you have money for yourself ,take the children out etc)? Does he earn enough to cover for it?

If you're comfortably well off,YAB a bit U.
If you need to make as much money and save what you can so you're able to make ends meets once baby comes, YANBU.

missm0use Mon 10-Jul-17 15:31:33

DP earns enough in a month to cover our mortgage repayments only. Which is why he is currently setting 50% of his wages aside each month at the moment so that we will be able to pay utilities and have be able to have days out with dc during my time off. Me taking the weekend off makes the would allow me to have an additional month off / live more comfortably during the time that I'm not working.

HipsterHunter Mon 10-Jul-17 15:47:43

I think you are being totally R in wanting to maximise your earnings before the birth of your second child.

Him going away on his own for a break seems like a good compromise.

AChickenCalledKorma Mon 10-Jul-17 15:56:21

If I was feeling desperately in need of a long weekend, and expressed that to my husband, I would feel very hurt if he then turned round and said he didn't want to come. It would feel like he didn't care about my feelings and saw no value in spending time together.

I get that you don't want to lose the earnings. But there is also a value in having a short break while you're still a family of three and building up some memories of this stage in your lives. It sounds like you are both working incredibly hard and you may come to regret letting this stage pass by without pausing for breath.

RebelRogue Mon 10-Jul-17 17:08:17

Then it makes sense OP to stay home. I often went away just with DD,because OH is also self employed. He doesn't work,he doesn't get paid and we needed the money. The only reason i was sad and upset was because I felt bad for him working while we had a great time,because he was missing out and deserved a break too.

Frouby Mon 10-Jul-17 17:11:34

Can you not get someone in to do your b and b while you are away? My stepdad had a b and b and that is what he used to do if he wanted a holiday or time off.

niccyb Mon 10-Jul-17 18:36:59

You sound like a workaholic. I agree with your husband. It's only three days.
Alternatively, is there not a way you could work away from home or get another person to manage it if you are so concerned about taking time off!

missm0use Mon 10-Jul-17 18:50:02

It's not an option for us to have someone else take over for a few days due to the the type of insurance we have - needs to be a named person on the policy in the house when we have guests staying.

Niccyb workaholic seems a bit strong - it's a seasonal business so long have 7 months a year to make enough money for the full year. If DP's monthly wages were able to cover all our mortgage, utilities and still have money left to buy food I probably would be more likely to agree to go away with him.

I'm 26 weeks pregnant at the moment and the dates that DP is talking about going away I'll be at least 34 weeks pregnant.

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