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AIBU to think my sister and husband are deluded?

(217 Posts)
LB101 Mon 10-Jul-17 07:59:57

My sister is a doctor in a hospital and is expecting her first baby. She has always been very dismissive on how tired I was when my kids were newborns as she says she works shifts and sometimes only gets two hours sleep before working again and is always fine etc etc. Her and her husband were quite rude last night when they were talking about taking the future baby on a road trip at 2 weeks old so we can all rent a house together for Xmas (we won't all fit in either of our houses). I said that they might not feel up to it as they will be knackered and they said they won't find it as hard as I did because they are so used to the lack of sleep. I didn't say anything else because the last thing expectant parents want to hear is how hard being a parent is but AIBU to think they are completely deluded as to how tired they will be? Or will they find it easier than others because they are used to different sleep patterns?

MyOtherProfile Mon 10-Jul-17 08:01:30

Just smile and nod and say yes dear. Nobody has any idea what having a baby is like til it hits them like a tonne of bricks!

Trollspoopglitter Mon 10-Jul-17 08:02:53

Their baby will decide how tired to make them grin

ChainingDaisy Mon 10-Jul-17 08:03:35

I could slept and mine were fine in the night. Nightmare in the daytime though... I'm often more tired now when they're 5 and 3. The 3 year olds sleep is awful and I can't just feed her to sleep again. It depends on the child, deluded seems a bit unfair though.

FacelikeaBagofHammers Mon 10-Jul-17 08:04:04

Bah ha ha haaaaa.
Smile and nod. You've obviously been doing parenting wrong confused

Phosphorus Mon 10-Jul-17 08:04:43

It does depend on them and their baby, and whether they'll have a nanny etc.

I wasn't floored by tiredness with a new baby, and we travelled a lot with her when she was newborn. We had family all over the place, so drove and stayed away loads.

It's often the easiest time as they do sleep a lot generally.

Scentofwater Mon 10-Jul-17 08:04:51

Don't push the matter or they'll luck out and end up with a magical all night sleeping baby and then they'll be so smug it'll be agony!

JustifiedandAncient80 Mon 10-Jul-17 08:05:17

Nothing can prepare you for the special level of knackered that a new baby creates (not to mention stitches, nipples falling off etc)
They'll find out soon enough.

eurochick Mon 10-Jul-17 08:05:43

I have to say my doctor friends have coped really well with the newborn stage, so they might be on to something!

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley Mon 10-Jul-17 08:06:25

Be honest though- weren't a lot of us this optimistic before reality hit? I know I was! I even used the legendary phrase "I'll nap while the baby sleeps"! 😂

chupsmelad Mon 10-Jul-17 08:06:54

I used to work shifts. There's a big difference between shift work and the hormonal upheaval that comes with giving birth, not to mention the top sports event that it often involves! Perhaps they'll be fine, but they ABU to think they know exactly what it will be like for them.

fuzzywuzzy Mon 10-Jul-17 08:07:24

Is this trip planned for two weeks after your sisters due date? She might still be pregnant!

YANBU, sit back and quietly watch how things pan out.

MsJolly Mon 10-Jul-17 08:07:56

My DH is a Dr and used to working on very little sleep when on call, often grabbing only a couple of hours here and there.

When DD was born-up hourly to feed-he soon moved into the spare room to get some sleep!😂😂😂

Think she's also forgetting that her body will have just given birth at that point, which is a massive strain. Or she may be post section.

Alternatively there may have a dream of a birth and a baby who sleeps-lucky fuckers if so!

newbian Mon 10-Jul-17 08:08:11

Tiredness isn't the only issue surely, what if she ends up with a c-section, episiotomy? She may not be tired but sitting in a car for a road trip isn't going to be very comfortable.

kingfishergreen Mon 10-Jul-17 08:08:17

I got so much more sleep in those first few weeks after DD was born than I had in the last month of pregnancy. It was breeze, yes the baby would wake up and need to be fed/changed/comforted but it was nothing compared to the heartburn and the need to pee every 35 seconds, and the general discomfort of my enormity before she was born.

MargaretCavendish Mon 10-Jul-17 08:10:04

As someone who's done neither, I would agree with them that the shift patterns of a junior doctor in a hospital are more relentless than the sleep patterns that any new mother has described to me. I'm not so convinced that you can 'practice' being tired, though.

namechange20050 Mon 10-Jul-17 08:10:45

She may be fine, you never know. I was fine when I had my baby because I had insomnia when I was pregnant. So I had more sleep after the birth! Everyone is different.

darbyshaw Mon 10-Jul-17 08:11:04

They probably are right tbh. I was a shift worker when my DCs were small and prior to their birth and I'm sure it made it easier.

Either way, just support them the best you can if they do ask for any help.

Lostwithinthehills Mon 10-Jul-17 08:12:47

I'm a shift worker and can have very few hours sleep between sleep and it did seem to me that I coped with disturbed sleep with a newborn more easily than my friends who had newborns. Where they were used to having regular nights' sleeps, regular mornings I was already used to be awake at all times of the night and morning and knew what it was like to get on with things on very limited sleep. So I think your sister has a valid expectation that she will cope with the lack of sleep.

Your sister may still find a road trip with a two week old harder than she is expecting, although we were visiting family at opposite ends of the country by six weeks so she may manage it.

MummyMuppet2x2 Mon 10-Jul-17 08:12:54

You've had your day. They don't want to hear it.
Just leave it now.

Whatever happens, happens smile

EdmundCleverClogs Mon 10-Jul-17 08:13:05

I don't remember the first few weeks being flooring. I think it was a mixture of running on adrenaline and having lived with insomnia/bad sleep for years.

I do remember at about 10 weeks, my baby decided to start flipping between sleeping mostly at night and then mostly during the day, so sometimes I'd get a couple of hours sleep over a few days. That was hell. Oh, and when we finally thought it was sorted, then we had a few instances of 'crying for hours for zero reason'. So they may well be right about the newborn stage - its later they could be in for 'the shock'. It's all a personal experience though, nobody knows what will happen until it happens!

TheTurnOfTheScrew Mon 10-Jul-17 08:13:13

actually, DH works in a similar role - unpredictable shifts, staying until the work's done and then pitching back up to work after 2hrs' kip. He adjusted far, far better that me to newborn sleep patterns. Not saying it was easy, but easier.

The road trip idea is still nuts though grin.

anchor9 Mon 10-Jul-17 08:13:25

IME the newborn baby tiredness is just a completely different kind of tiredness! my bf loves to try and engage me in a who is more tired competition because he works shifts and i am like if you are so tired where do you get the energy to pester me for sex ffs!

darbyshaw Mon 10-Jul-17 08:13:34

Also agree 100% with @MargaretCavendish. I actually found dealing with babies in the early stages a hell of a lot easier than being an NHS shift worker so you may well find they sail through this. Lots of people won't agree with that though because they have no way to compare the two.

Wheelycote Mon 10-Jul-17 08:14:11

Ditto what Facelike said...pull up a seat, get the popcorn out and give them love and sympathy when the penny drops...

Please keep us updated on this...

Many years ago there was an article in a mother and baby did the before and after interviews with families. The question was around 'do you think your life will be changed (something like that anyway).
Families before were saying that life will not change, babies would fit in with them. Fast forward 6 months smile and pretty much...they were eating their words.

Def nod and say okedoke

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