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Or was this other woman at the Summer Fair

(84 Posts)
PTANameChange Sat 08-Jul-17 19:42:25

I'm baffled as to whether or not I'm unreasonable. I don't think I am but prepared to hear all viewpoints.

I am a relatively new PTA chair, having taken over from a truly wonderful one in September. Historically, the chair has arranged the annual summer fun day, but this year the committee decided that it would be better that a different member took this responsibility as both would be too much. As such a SFD coordinator was assigned.

Today was the day. Unfortunately due to my husbands unchangeable work commitments, I wasn't able to volunteer for the whole day, but I did help last night, and at other preparations in the last few weeks. I also did manage to get my parents to take the DC for 1.5 hours so I could help for a little while. All the stalls were manned, so the coordinator asked me to 'float' and help where needed. I then spent that 1.5 hours traipsing around making sure stalls had everything they needed and asking if they needed help - nobody needed help. I asked a lot.

Then my DP had to leave so I had three Dc by himself so couldn't do much more than running stuff about, but still offered.

We hadn't had lunch, due to being there early to deliver stuff, so I got the DC a burger each from the BBQ and went to sit down with them and eat. Then they wanted to run around a bit and play so I let them and was watching (and still keeping an eye on stalls just in case). I was then approached by a lady who helps regularly for the PTA and was on the BBQ. She started shouting at me and was really in my face shouting about 'are you even on a stall? What have you even done for this whole day anyway?' She was very aggressive and intimidating. I didn't even get the chance to explain that I have:
Helped with donation organising.
Run around like a blue arsed fly making sure everyone was OK.
Stayed until 6pm helping set up last night. I had to leave then to pick up a tombola for them to use tomorrow.
Paid £40 of my own money, that still hasn't been reimbursed, for a lottery license. Chased this constantly as they were so slow.
Donated fuck loads.
Spent fuck loads.
Done several posters/newsletters.

I am not the Summer Fun Day coordinator!! I am doing the year 6 leavers BBQ. Well I was. That's in addition to, drafting minutes/agendas, helping at every single disco, helping for all Christmas shopping day prep and on the day.

All whilst parenting 4 children, three of whom have some element of additional needs that have required multiple school appointments, referrals etc. I have also had to help my sick mother, who has a brain tumour, with a 3 year old at home most days. Oh and actually sleep at some point.

Is it me or is it completely fucking unreasonable of her to A) question my contribution B) scream at me in front of stallholders and my own children C) wander off, clearly slagging me off to all and sundry.

What the actual fuck? Would I be justified in quitting now. I am not fucking working with that. Would you go in and explain all this to the headteacher on Monday? (I wasn't approaching her with it today, what with how a public event is completely the wrong fucking time to do that!!) I'm livid.

bumblingmum Sat 08-Jul-17 19:56:48

It's obvious she was unreasonable. If she thought you were slacking, then she should have approached you totally differently. She was completely inappropriate.

brummiesue Sat 08-Jul-17 20:10:46

Why did you take on the role if you have all the other responsibilities you have listed off? And yes she was a twat!

Boredwithmyname Sat 08-Jul-17 20:17:25

Of course she was bang out of order and I'm sure the others who saw her knew it too. Had she been drinking? I don't think it should make you think of resigning but you'd be perfectly justified in not wanting to work with her again.

PTANameChange Sat 08-Jul-17 20:18:21


I do have time for meetings, helping in the evenings etc, so I do. Normally I'd have been able to do today too but something came up at DHs work last minute and he had to cover. He's the boss so he has to fill in.

Nobody else was going to volunteer for the position anyway, and without one the PTA would disband. I didn't want to see that happen.

PTANameChange Sat 08-Jul-17 20:20:15

I do a fair bit of paperwork-y stuff in the background too. We need a new constitution that I'm trying to write, and I've done a new intake meeting this week to explain what we do and invite new children/parents to today and so on. I'm normally there, it's only today that I haven't been able to commit to.

Grannyben Sat 08-Jul-17 20:21:27

I'm​ assuming you won't be doing anything over the summer holidays so, I would stick a smile on my face and carry on as normal with the year 6 leaving bbq. Then, take your time to draft your resignation letter. At the next pta meeting take a copy for everyone explaining why you are unable to carry on. Do not be nasty or name one person. Just explain what you had done and the response you had received and, how it made you feel

Mustardnowletsnotbesilly Sat 08-Jul-17 20:22:26

Being like that is her crime and her punishment as well. Can't be fun to be such a twat.

Broccolirevolution Sat 08-Jul-17 20:23:59

If I were you I'd edit exactly what you have written here and email it to the Head of the PTA, the head teacher and the woman in question. I would round it off by saying you are happy to help but not to be verbally abused.

Similar thing happened at our school summer fair. It's so disappointing because this year's PTA did so much amazing stuff and now many of them have resigned or are now considering resigning.

AvoidingCallenetics Sat 08-Jul-17 20:24:01

I would so include in my letter of resignation exactly why I was leaving abd would totally name and shame the rude bitch.

PTANameChange Sat 08-Jul-17 20:26:49

Mustard that's cheered me right up grin Thank you! Much wine will be consumed tonight following this!

TeenAndTween Sat 08-Jul-17 20:32:44

She WBU. (Though maybe she had been stuck on the BBQ much longer than planned and was hot and bothered and you were an easy target.)

But don't let one rubbish parent make you resign, unless you really actually want to. You don't do it for the rubbish parents. You do it for the kids.

Also, why do you need to write a constitution? What's wrong with the standard one from PTA-UK?

Don't do more than you can. Either things will have to not get done, or others will step forward. It took our primary PTA to say it couldn't run a Christmas or Summer Fair (and actually not running the Christmas one) to get new blood in, which then led to a great summer fair.

ChrisPrattsFace Sat 08-Jul-17 20:32:55

I just love that your post is so well written, and makes your point very well... then the last two paragraphs are full of fucks grin ... it seriously made me laugh, she really got your goat didn't she!
I would email the head, explain you will finish the commitments do far but spend time writing your resignation - citing her as the reason.

PTANameChange Sat 08-Jul-17 20:35:56

I'm using the PTA-UK one but we need to tweak it a bit to suit us.

I should add, I'd asked her about 3 times if she needed any help - when I actually could help - and she said no, she was fine. hmm

PTANameChange Sat 08-Jul-17 20:38:17

Oh I have been waiting to say this for years...

I'm glad my fucks please you ChrisPratt grin gringrin

glitterlips1 Sat 08-Jul-17 20:38:29

This is why so many parents won't help at school events....I would quit and let everyone know why, oh and I would name and shame.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler Sat 08-Jul-17 20:39:06

No need to write a formal resignation - just wait until the AGM in September & decline to stand again.

PuppyMonkey Sat 08-Jul-17 20:39:28

Yeah I'd just quit now and send the post above in an email naming names to the chair of PTA and get on with the rest of your life.

Sparklingbrook Sat 08-Jul-17 20:43:34

YY quit asap and tell everyone exactly why.

ChrisPrattsFace Sat 08-Jul-17 20:44:26

...i often dream of saying that too PTA grin

PTANameChange Sat 08-Jul-17 20:45:16

I am the chair puppy sad

stuntcamel Sat 08-Jul-17 20:47:28

Unless I'm much mistaken I don't think the OP can write to the chair of the PTA...

llangennith Sat 08-Jul-17 20:47:51

Don't resign just don't stand again. Let someone else find out just how hard and time-consuming it is to Chair the PTA. I'm a member of the inner sanctum of our very small PTA and I hate all the politics and lack of appreciation.

stuntcamel Sat 08-Jul-17 20:47:55

Haha cross-post with OP

2cats2many Sat 08-Jul-17 20:47:56

Of course she was being unreasonable. Totally out of order to shout at anyone like that.

It does sound like you have a lot on your plate tho. Are you sure you have time for the chair job? It's really full on and hands on at our school.

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