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To ask how you knew you were done having kids?

(129 Posts)
NotAnotherUserName5 Fri 07-Jul-17 20:57:20

Just had our last DC 2 weeks ago.
We decided she is to be our last baby.

Have real mixed feelings over this, despite the logical part of me knowing it's the right thing!

For those of you done having kids, how did you know that was it for you? Or is there always that sadness when you have no more?

Tomorrowillbeachicken Fri 07-Jul-17 20:59:14

We were done after one when we realised he didn't nap after eighteen months and he was exhausting.

Sparklingbrook Fri 07-Jul-17 20:59:23

Wanted two, was lucky enough to have two. Did all the baby stuff twice, felt I was a bit better at it with DC2 due to practice DC1. No inclination to do it all for a third time.

Now I have two teenagers, and I am so glad there's no more.

Congratulations on the new baby. flowers

VulvalHeadMistress Fri 07-Jul-17 21:01:32

We had a long history of infertility and recurrent miscarriage. Oh God the thought of having to book an appointment at the clinic again. We had two consecutive successful pregnancies- definitely time to stop.

SmallBee Fri 07-Jul-17 21:01:40

When I was pregnant with DS and I got HG. I can't do it again.

SprogletsMum Fri 07-Jul-17 21:02:28

We're done after dc4.
I love being pregnant and having a new baby it's amazing, there's nothing better.
But I think any more wouldn't be fair to the 4 we've already got. I'm stretched thinly enough now and another would break me so dp had a vasectomy whilst I was pregnant.
I don't think the craving for more dc will ever go but I had to let my head rule my heart on this one.

bemusedbewildered Fri 07-Jul-17 21:03:47

I'm not sure my heart has really accepted it yet. If anything the yearning for more was worse after dc2 was born, I looked at her and she was so lovely I couldn't accept that was my last baby. The feeling hasn't gone away, she's nearly 3 now. We won't have more though, too old, too tired to put up with more sleep deprivation, no more space in the house, can't afford another 5 years of daycare and sick days at work.

Sometimes think we're biologically driven to keep wanting children and be reminded when we see babies, toddlers etc. It's not a rational drive imo.

SpaghettiMeatballs Fri 07-Jul-17 21:04:22

IMO it's not a decision you can make straight after having a baby. All those hormones won't helped you to think dispassionately!

For me I don't feel any envy or longing when friends have a baby. I enjoy holding them and buying a little gift but it doesn't make me want another.

I always say I could do another pregnancy and have another baby but I don't want another child if that makes sense? I'm happy with my two. They are a double act.

DisorderedAllsorts Fri 07-Jul-17 21:04:26

The lack of a support network and sleep deprivation was the reason why we stopped at 2 children.

Wolfiefan Fri 07-Jul-17 21:05:30

Because the last one was born in under an hour. And I'm old! grin

DramaAlpaca Fri 07-Jul-17 21:07:03

I knew I wanted to have three, just had to persuade DH who'd have been happy to stick with two. Three was a compromise, in an ideal world I'd have liked four, but I knew I wouldn't be able to cope.

The pregnancy with DS3 was tough, and I just knew I wouldn't be able to do it again. I was counting down the days almost the whole way through telling myself I'd never have to do this again.

So I'm happy we stopped at three, and I haven't had any baby cravings since he was born. No sadness about it at all.

thethoughtfox Fri 07-Jul-17 21:07:21

The night we brought DD home. I had always wanted 2;DH always wanted 4. We looked at her and just knew we had everything we ever wanted. Sounds soppy but actually every day I am so glad we only have one.

SugarMiceInTheRain Fri 07-Jul-17 21:07:25

My heart still jumps when I see newborn babies, and I would gladly do that bit again, but I know that I struggle with the parenting of older children and don't enjoy it as much as I thought I would sad and it would split my focus too much to have a 4th.

That and the fact that my uterus ruptured whilst I was on the operating table about to have my 3rd c-section, so late pregnancy would be an incredibly risky time and I wouldn't be allowed to go past 36/7 weeks.

ExplodingCarrots Fri 07-Jul-17 21:07:34

Tried for 2 years for another DC. It just didn't happen and we realised that instead of that yearning feeling for having another one we just felt not bothered and dreading going back to the baby phase...so we've decided to stick with 1.

TartanDMs Fri 07-Jul-17 21:08:30

I still struggle to accept that DS will be my only. I always wanted two, and after multiple miscarriages and a secondary infertility diagnosis I still hoped against hope. Premature menopause has scuppered that hope now though. I do have stepchildren, who i have a great relationship with, but it doesn't help to ease the sadness. I know I'm lucky to have my miracle though - many women don't have that luxury.

IndianaMoleWoman Fri 07-Jul-17 21:09:11

After two miscarriages, two HG pregnancies, 14 hospital admissions, DD1 in NICU for three weeks, me seriously ill after DD2's episiotomy/forceps birth, a liver specialist warned me that I'd need to contact her before getting pregnant again as it would be risky. I literally laughed in her face, weeing myself in the process.

Never.

Ever.

Again.

OuchBollocks Fri 07-Jul-17 21:09:56

Took 18 months to get pregnant with DC2 and as soon as I got my bfp it was like a switch flipped. Gave away my opks and cheapie pregnancy tests, knew that I would never ttc again (even if the pregnancy wasn't successful, though luckily it was). It feels a bit odd after literally years of either trying to get pregnant or being pregnant to be done, but done I most certainly am. I couldn't cope physically, emotionally or financially with another pregnancy or newborn.

Fiddlestikks Fri 07-Jul-17 21:10:13

Wanted two, second pregnancy ended up being twins. I was absolutely sure then. Much as I love them, I never want to be told I'm having twins ever again. And it's quite likely that it would happen again.

Queenofthestress Fri 07-Jul-17 21:10:23

I'm 22, my DD will definitely be my last, she wasn't planned but not unwanted, I wasn't planning on having her until DS was older as he's hard, hard work
Just the thought of having to do pregnancy again makes me shudder

DeathByMascara Fri 07-Jul-17 21:11:36

It took a while after dc2 to feel like I was done - I remember when ds was weeks old that we bought dd a toy & she named it the same name we'd have given dc2, had he been a girl. It hurt, because I felt that 'other' child of ours was not ever going to be.

Now, I've made the decision myself. DH only wanted 2, I wanted 3 - after the hardship of carrying ds (dc2), I simply couldn't do it again. Hardest thing I've ever, or will ever do. Too hard, too exhausting. Nine months of bone-weary exhaustion that no rest would resolve, is too much to anticipate again.

cravingcake Fri 07-Jul-17 21:12:55

We only wanted 2 max, and we're very lucky to have 2 and at the age gap we wanted. An extremely difficult birth with DS & a very hard pregnancy with DD, combined with medical advice that I shouldn't be pregnant again due to the strain on my body I'm happy with my lot.

Plus anymore and we'd be outnumbered!

SaucyJack Fri 07-Jul-17 21:13:31

I definitely know I'm done. If anything- I'd have less kids, rather than more. Bit late now, obviously.

Any combination of 2 of my DDs works better than all 3 of them quite frankly.

GoingRogue Fri 07-Jul-17 21:14:23

Always wanted two. Didn't like pregnancy as was mostly ill, esp with dc2 as I had HG. Two c-sections, and I almost died after having dc2.

I'm mid-30's and knackered. Feel lucky to have the two healthy children I've got. I'm not a big fan of newborns, which helps I think.

You just know when you're done

TwoBlueFish Fri 07-Jul-17 21:14:48

Had 2 under 2 at the same time, that was hard enough! Didn't want big age gaps so we knew we were done pretty quickly. I'm not a great fan of the baby stage so the thought of going back to sleepless nights and dirty nappies does not appeal!

BitchQueen90 Fri 07-Jul-17 21:15:54

I have one and I know I'm done. Before I fell pregnant I always wanted 3 but the reality of parenthood is a lot different!

DS is 4. It's a nice age and I love being a mum. However I did not like the baby stage. I found the lack of communication so frustrating. I get along better with older children than younger ones.

Hated pregnancy too, I found it dull and suffered terribly with back pain.

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