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Single Mums - I don't know how you do it!?

(125 Posts)
ChildishGambino Thu 06-Jul-17 22:07:17

Today was hard. It started off as good as every other day (she's so sweet in the mornings) but it was sooooo hot and DD was hot and was cross and needed attention all day and I think I have laryngitis and have lost my voice. Tonight she started looking sleepy. I fed her and got her into bed. Then she shit herself. I got poo on my arm and I cried. I was absolutely knackered by the time bedtime came and I was hoping to sneak out for a drink with my friend. DH arrives home and says he's tired and stressed and explains his day and, yes, it was worse than mine. He goes to the pub with my blessing - even though I've spoken to precisely three people today, I wanted to be on my own and read my book, 'Cows' by Dawn O'Porter if anyone is interested. It's really fucking good.

My AIBU is to wonder how the hell does anyone do this on their own, with no break, even at the weekends and why do we not respect them more?

To all the single Mums, I am I awe....

Changedtocovermyass Thu 06-Jul-17 22:11:23

I was a single parent for some time. Basically it was relentless and I was a planning obsessive.
I have two school gate friends who are single mums. Every year on father's day I buy them something as a treat (chocolate/ wine nothing bery flash) as they bloody deserve it!

OllyBJolly Thu 06-Jul-17 22:12:50

Because we have no choice but to do it on our own. But we don't have to cope with selfish OHs who are unreliable, lazy or demanding. (not saying yours is). There is something liberating about only worrying about your own actions, not what someone else might want to do.

I can no longer claim to be a single parent as my DCs are in their 20s and I'm remarried. I was a single parent for 15 years and had a great time I might only be remembering the good times

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 Thu 06-Jul-17 22:13:13

you do it because you have tiny people who depend on you and no matter how shit it gets (sometimes literally) you look at them happily sleeping at night and its worth it

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 Thu 06-Jul-17 22:14:23

or at least thats how i have stopped myself losing it completely recently

Smellbellina Thu 06-Jul-17 22:15:31

You can do all sorts when you have to. It's not hard.

PloppySonofPloppy Thu 06-Jul-17 22:15:51

I find it easier as a single mother than I did as part of a couple where the male did bugger all and I was filled with resentment. Now I just get on and do it all myself without a second blink.

chupsmelad Thu 06-Jul-17 22:16:26

You're still awesome wine

ChildishGambino Thu 06-Jul-17 22:17:10

You're all amazing smile

ChildishGambino Thu 06-Jul-17 22:17:55

Today was the longest I've had on my own with her (DH's train was delayed). It was such a struggle.

I might go and have a look at her sleeping in a mo

TheFifthKey Thu 06-Jul-17 22:18:04

Ploppy, so true. My exH is already trying to sucker some other woman into doing all his emotional and thinking work for him (as well as all the drudgery stuff) and I feel so liberated from it!

Orangebird69 Thu 06-Jul-17 22:18:16

Amen Ploppy

Janeismymiddlename Thu 06-Jul-17 22:19:08

why do we not respect them more?

Because it makes people uncomfortable? Because many people know what a struggle they would have in the same position but want to believe it couldn't possibly happen to them - if they vilify and come up with reasons others are single, they can take the view that it won't happen to them? Because the right wing press peddle the 'single mum = benefit scum' stereotype which anyone else wants to avoid all costs? Take the thread on here last week - not one person concerned about a mother working part time with a part time partner but claiming tax credits yet if a single mum dares to express a desire to balance things out, there are screams of how terrible that is and how she should be ashamed.

It is hard work. No one wants to believe that it could happen to them.

Smellbellina Thu 06-Jul-17 22:21:10

Ooh thanks so much for your awe!

ClopySow Thu 06-Jul-17 22:22:04

And also because we're potential husband stealing sluts dontcha know.

chipsnmayo Thu 06-Jul-17 22:23:38

DD is now 19 so no longer dependent on me, I was a single parent since she was toddler.

God almighty it was hard especially when she was young, however it was easier than parenting with my useless ex (who was like a child himself).

I coped because I loved my daughter.

What I hated though, was financial burden all on myself.

Smellbellina Thu 06-Jul-17 22:23:45

Believing it to be too hard/shameful etc works in preventing women who need to remove themselves and their children from a harmful situation.

TangledUpInGin Thu 06-Jul-17 22:24:04

I love being a single parent! I do have the added bonus of having two delightfully easy children though! I did the majority all the childcare when I was married though so I essentially went from three children to two which might be why I find it a breeze grin absolutely no disrespect to those that find it hard as I think I'm in a very lucky situation to have work that fits round my family perfectly and my ds's are just lovely people to be around smile

ChildishGambino Thu 06-Jul-17 22:24:38

Nope I just don't believe that Clopy and I wish I knew some single Mums IRL I could talk to and tell them this!

ginswinger Thu 06-Jul-17 22:24:49

I do it with military planning and a healthy dose of self respect. I also run my own business and have two very forgetful, elderly parents. I don't take any nonsense but make plenty of time for cuddles and hugs.

I (sadly) haven't read a book in years though which I do miss.

Secretly I think that married folk offloading about their parenting woes are precious snowflakes but I'd never say it to their faces.

megletthesecond Thu 06-Jul-17 22:26:44

We have to do it or else our dc's would suffer / we'd lose the roof over our heads. It hasn't actually got easier in eight years mind you, I'm still crap at it!

eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 Thu 06-Jul-17 22:27:17

i find the hardest part is the moments when your child isnt quite right but you cant figure what is wrong and if they need to be checked and when they need to be checked. not having someone to bounce those conversations with is hard

badgerread Thu 06-Jul-17 22:28:20

I'm a single Mum of two and work full time. I can eat what I want, when I want, go to bed when I want to, decorate our house as I want to, sit in bed all day on a Sunday with the kids watching TV if we want to, I don't have anyone moaning at me if the house isn't tidy and everything my children have, whether it be their emotional wellbeing, general happiness or material things, is all down to me and that makes me feel very strong and proud.

megletthesecond Thu 06-Jul-17 22:29:02

gin I was given a book for Xmas and I'm currently on page 113. I'm hoping to finish it by this Xmas.

Smellbellina Thu 06-Jul-17 22:32:35

is all down to me and that makes me feel very strong and proud.
Yup.

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