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MIL and GMIL overbearing perfume

(86 Posts)
Savelli Wed 05-Jul-17 18:14:31

My MIL and grandmother in law wear really pungent heavy perfume in copious quantities. I swear they bathe in the stuff. It's a horrible synthetic smell that makes me feel nauseous and gives me headaches and there's so much of it if I'm in the same room as them I can actually taste it.

A week ago I came home and our flat was filled with their smell- I asked DH if they'd been round and they had left an hour ago!

Today I walked past GMIL in the street and a fug of perfume was following her even outside.

I have not had this issue with anyone else. I don't really like perfume but I've never been this aware of it on anyone else. I mentioned it to DH but didn't make too big a deal as it's quite a personal thing isn't it and I don't want to be rude but in restaurants I haven't been able to eat my meal when sitting next to GMIL. DH doesn't seem to notice but I expect he is conditioned to it. Can anyone help me with a way to mention this to them without being offensive?

EdmundCleverClogs Wed 05-Jul-17 18:23:31

Urgh, yanbu - all perfume should be banned as far as I'm concerned! Nasty stuff. Could you/your husband tell them that you've suddenly started having migraines and the doctors think that perfume is the trigger? So could they be respectful and not wear it when they come to visit?

RiversrunWoodville Wed 05-Jul-17 18:28:30

Edmund is right I have chronic migraines and perfume (and airfresheners so it is synthetic smells) are a horrendous trigger for me!

EdmundCleverClogs Wed 05-Jul-17 18:36:38

RiversrunWoodville as for me, hence ready made excuse wink.

JaneEyre70 Wed 05-Jul-17 18:37:33

Yes I'd go for the sudden and crushing headaches approach.....then drop into conversation your GP thinks it is perfume...... I used to work with someone who fell into a bottle of Poison every day. At 7.30am it was enough to make you gag.

ijustwannadance Wed 05-Jul-17 18:46:31

Vile isn't it. Perfume, plug in air fresheners, the ones that dangle from rear view mirrors, scented candles. Migraine hell.

VerdeGreenVert Wed 05-Jul-17 18:56:45

I feel sorry for you. One of my friends wears too much perfume too, instead of spraying it on, I think she must marinate in it!
I don't really think there's a way to do it subtly though, you might just have to say and hope they don't take offence

Oldraver Wed 05-Jul-17 18:59:21

My Mum used to wear some Clinique stuff that was very heavy and lingered for ages. I've had to have seperate bedding for her as I couldn't get rid of the smell.

The last time she came she had changed to a more citrusy one that was actually nice, but those heavy musky ones dont half pong linger

NicolasFlamel Wed 05-Jul-17 19:02:42

Ugh my mum seems to bathe in Clinique Happy. It's rancid and she puts scented hand creams and lotions on top. She smells like the perfume counters at John Lewis. She won't be told.

Redsrule Wed 05-Jul-17 19:13:51

Seriously, I know loathing your MIL is almost essential on MN, but because they wear a perfume you don't like! Are they nice, kind people ?Do they treat you with respect? Do they love their DGC? Surely if this is your only problem it is meaningless!

Pengggwn Wed 05-Jul-17 19:16:51

Only on MN. I have never, ever heard anyone comment on someone's use of perfume in real life.

HickDead Wed 05-Jul-17 19:23:49

YANBU, my mum wears Angel and I can't bear her near me in early pregnancy!

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops Wed 05-Jul-17 19:36:18

YANBU love perfume but was taught it should whisper not shout, and some scents give me headaches, some scent notes seem to send my sinuses and nose into overdrive and it's very painful. I think mentioning headaches and feeling sick from their scent is the way to go. I would go scentless rather than cause someone pain!

Zubba Wed 05-Jul-17 19:38:36

Redsrule & Pengwnn

Until you have the most skull crushing head pain, that i rate as some of the worst pain I've ever experienced, you really can't judge.

user1471549672 Wed 05-Jul-17 19:40:00

Certain perfumes automatically trigger my migraines .... I've had to ask several friends and family not to wear perfume if I'm in their company. I had a work colleague whose perfume alway set me off .... I had to move desks at work to avoid the fragrance.... and leave the office whenever she freshened up by spraying it . I needed to have a very awkward conversation about how everyone loved her perfume but I'd discovered it was triggering my migraines. Luckily she was very understanding & she stopped wearing it to work.

wildbhoysmama Wed 05-Jul-17 19:44:25

I don't think the op is in any way saying they are not good people but the issue of something making your stomach turn is a valid one. Some people are more sensitive to smell than others , I am extremely sensitive to smell: Perfume, air fresheners, cooking smells etc, as is DS3 ( who actually smells people if I'm not careful!). Strong/ synthetic perfume/ aftershave can make me feel so ill. My own dad wears an aftershave which I can't stand ( expensive but just doesn't float my boat) and I literally nip to the loo to wash my face a little after he arrives and hugs me. It really does make my stomach churn. Also, a woman in work wears Youthdew and i can smell it everywhere - she reapplies often as she is a smoker- and again it is stomach churning.
I totally get where you are coming from op, especially if they cover children with it and they then also reek. It's awful. Not sure what to do without appearing rude, though.

wildbhoysmama Wed 05-Jul-17 19:45:04

I don't think the op is in any way saying they are not good people but the issue of something making your stomach turn is a valid one. Some people are more sensitive to smell than others , I am extremely sensitive to smell: Perfume, air fresheners, cooking smells etc, as is DS3 ( who actually smells people if I'm not careful!). Strong/ synthetic perfume/ aftershave can make me feel so ill. My own dad wears an aftershave which I can't stand ( expensive but just doesn't float my boat) and I literally nip to the loo to wash my face a little after he arrives and hugs me. It really does make my stomach churn. Also, a woman in work wears Youthdew and i can smell it everywhere - she reapplies often as she is a smoker- and again it is stomach churning.
I totally get where you are coming from op, especially if they cover children with it and they then also reek. It's awful. Not sure what to do without appearing rude, though.

wildbhoysmama Wed 05-Jul-17 19:48:08

Don't know why posted twice. Sorry.

Gingerandgivingzerofucks Wed 05-Jul-17 19:50:13

My mil is the same, drenches herself in Chanel. It makes me gag. Is it Canada where perfume is banned in offices? Makes so much sense.

LemonBreeland Wed 05-Jul-17 19:52:44

My MIL also wears way too much perfume. I think it is wearing the same perfume for so many years that they just don't smell it any more.

The dc come home smelling of her. It gives me a headache too.

Pengggwn Wed 05-Jul-17 19:52:50

Zubba

Can't judge what? That I have never heard anyone say anything like this in real life? Of course I can. confused

EdmundCleverClogs Wed 05-Jul-17 19:54:16

Love how not liking obnoxious smells equals 'typical MN! You all hate MILs!!'. There's nothing wrong with not wanting your personal space being chocked up by obvious and synthetic smells whether it's perfume or BO, air freshener or ciggy smell, etc.

Pengggwn Wed 05-Jul-17 19:56:48

The thing is, though, I don't think most people find perfume particularly obnoxious. Mostly flowers and spices - perfectly reasonable smells. The way people go on about it in here you'd think people were bathing in shite and then going to see their grandchildren. I think it's a bit of a fuss about not a lot.

EdmundCleverClogs Wed 05-Jul-17 19:59:11

Pengggwn, I've asked a few people politely to tone down perfume use around me. I (not so politely) used to have to hide my younger brother's Lynx cans as he was making me have migraines about once a week. It's different if you're not smell sensitive, I appreciate you have little idea how it effects others, but even being too close to someone on public transport that's wearing perfume can ruin the rest of my day with a migraine (and my partner who won't stop bloody sneezing after).

EdmundCleverClogs Wed 05-Jul-17 20:01:02

And yes, even one of your 'delicate floral/spice' ones can easily set me off as much as nasty cheap spray-ons. I had a migraine just yesterday from perfumed hand-wash!

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