WIBU to cancel DS birthday party as a punishment?

[Superheroessidekick]

DS is due to have friends over at the weekend for his birthday. I have just been called into the school because he ripped up a sentimental item that another child brought in for show and tell. The poor child was devastated and I am mortified. He was also messing around with another boy kicking each other. With 2 weeks left till the summer holidays it seems like there has not been a week where the teacher hasn't had words with us about silly behaviour and he always gets grounded/ punished appropriately in and out of school. I have got to the point where I feel something really has to be done I do not want this to carry on into year 5/6 then god forbid secondary. Is it too harsh to cancel his party?

[Rioja123]

Maybe it is time for more drastic action, to make him realise his naughty behaviour has consequences?

[Assburgers]

YANBU. In your shoes, I would do exactly the same. Have you any idea why he's been acting out lately?

[RainbowPastel]

Punish him in some way but don't cancel his birthday. That sounds nasty to me.

[Floggingmolly]

I certainly wouldn't be rewarding that with having a gang of his mates over, birthday or no birthday. Could be the thing that finally gets through to him. You'll need to find it soon...

[MyLittlePickleBoo]

I'd do the same. That poor child, was it something that could be replaced at all? If one of my children did that no way would they be allowed a party. Do whatever you have to to nip this in the bus now, otherwise he'll know he can get away with doing whatever he likes and that he doesn't really have to worry because nothing actually comes of these meetings.

[WhooooAmI24601]

If to was a one-off incident you'd be U. In this case, not at all; he needs to learn that there's a consequence he really doesn't enjoy.

Is there a reason for the decline in his behaviour though, or something which has triggered it? I'm all for consequences but I also think that if he's behaving badly so often, there's probably a reason behind it.

[MsJolly]

How old is he?

[KoalaDownUnder]

That sounds nasty to me.

Not as nasty as destroying another child's sentimental item!

I think I'd cancel it, OP. Sounds like he needs a big wake-up call.

[MsJolly]

I think punishment should be a natural consequence rather than something separate iykwim? So in this case I would get him to give something he treasures to the boy whose object he broke and make him apologise

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Too harsh a punishment imo.

[iogo]

YANBU. I would do the same. He needs to learn. You're not cancelling his birthday, just the party.

[kaytee87]

How old is he?

[Superheroessidekick]

I'm not too sure why he has been acting so bad lately, nothing has changed at home or school that I know of but I think I will sit down and have a chat about school in case there is some sort of friendship/bullying issue going on. He is very easily lead by silly behaviour and both the teachers and DH and I have told him he needs to associate with the nicer children. He loves to be the comedian of the class and I think this is a big part of it, maybe he is feeling slightly insecure and feels he needs the popularity?

[Superheroessidekick]

He will be 9. The sentimental item can't be replaced it was from another country. I have made him write a letter of apology to the child and I am going to buy him a little something and apologise to the parents. I feel so terrible

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

It's also punishing the other children who are looking forward to the party.

Find another punishment.

[wonderingsoul]

I would with the chance of earning it for the next weekend.

What he did wasnt messi g about it was done on purpose to be cruel.

[ZoeWashburne]

9 is far to old to be destroying other's property. I would definitely cancel the party. Honestly, I would take the replacement gift out of DS pocket money.

These are crucial years where you need to show that actions have consequences. Once they are teenagers, you can't manage their bad behaviour in the same way.

[DearMrDilkington]

100% cancel the party.

Ripping up another child's sentimental item is really horrible nasty behaviour. At 9 he will know somethings can't be replaced, his more than old enough to know better.

Time to get harsh, it's for his own good in the long run.

[kissmethere]

That is really bad. It was done on purpose so I'd say the punishment is warranted. I'm sure the other kids will understand and it shows you mean business. You don't feel good about it do you? He's brought it on himself.

[memyselfandaye]

I would, 9 is old enough to know that what he did was nasty and would have hurt the other kid's feelings.

[WhooooAmI24601]

The thing is, at 9 (unless there are issues we aren't aware of) a child should be able to respect and care for another person's property without deliberately breaking or destroying it, class clown or not. The fact that he was so reckless means he genuinely didn't care about the other child's feelings. Cancelling the party is harsh, yes, but so is destroying someone's special show and tell item and behaviour like that warrants a big response from you.

[wonderingsoul]

Also telling him to play with nicer children is disolvimg him of responcability.

My eldest is easly led and likes to be the class clown so i make sure and work on him owning hes own mistakes. He does the crime he does the time. No point saying if he had nicer friends he wouldnt do it.

[ZoeWashburne]

At 9, I would go so far as to sell something of my DS' (iPad, xbox etc) to pay for a gift for the boy.

He needs to learn that it isn't nice to destroy other's things. And there are very, very real consequences for being so cruel.

[honeysucklejasmine]

Normally I would say it was too harsh, but his age and the pattern of behaviour imply this needs a harsh reaction. Still give him his presents, but no party.