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Would you tell?

(41 Posts)
thedeathofme Tue 04-Jul-17 02:05:32

If you knew someone else's DC had done something that you know the parent would not be happy about, would you tell? Nothing criminal, nasty or dangerous as such, but definitely outwith the parents usual boundaries/comfort zone. My own DC was involved and isn't in trouble as such, but knows it must not happen again. I don't want to stick them in, but the other way around, I'd want to know and be able to tell my DC it's unacceptable in future.

Sorry to be vague blush

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Tue 04-Jul-17 02:15:28

If I knew the parents and were close to them, yes. Otherwise, no.

thedeathofme Tue 04-Jul-17 02:29:27

I know them quite well. All through school, share pick ups, drop offs, sleepovers, etc. One of them told me when my DC was having trouble with someone at school. Don't go out socialising or contact one another other than about DC.

WhatToDoAboutThis2017 Tue 04-Jul-17 02:31:39

Then yes, I think I would tell them.

Bargainqueen Tue 04-Jul-17 02:33:27

I would want to know and would tell the parents if it was me. No question. They need to know so they can stop their dc from doing it again. Give them the chance to be well informed. I bet they will thank you for it. Good luck.

MrsOverTheRoad Tue 04-Jul-17 02:43:01

I would if it were something like drinking or smoking yes.

thedeathofme Tue 04-Jul-17 02:53:21

No smoking or drinking. The problem is, this happened while the DC were in the care of someone else, who i think probably has more relaxed rules. I'm not sure of her stance on it, and I don't want her being blamed as the outcome might have been out of the norm for her too, I really don't know!

user1234566 Tue 04-Jul-17 02:55:01

If you know them well enough and you know that they would want to know then yes I would tell them.

lalalalyra Tue 04-Jul-17 03:04:53

I think it's impossible to say without knowing what it is.

If the carer let 6yo's play out til midnight, or go a place they wouldn't be allowed to go without a parent then yes, tell them. If a 14yo was allowed out 30 minutes later than usual then not so much.

Vereesa Tue 04-Jul-17 03:06:59

It depends on the severity I suppose. Though if you are close to the parents in question I'd just tell anyway.

feathermucker Tue 04-Jul-17 03:09:19

Can you give a rough idea of what the incident was? Difficult to say without context.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 04-Jul-17 03:12:05

Depends on what it was. If it was that they watched a movie the parents wouldn't approve of or were allowed to play a violent video game, then no, I wouldn't tell unless I knew their child was going to be a frequent guest in this home

If they were allowed to run all over town alone at night, ride without seat belts, or watch porn, yes.

MrsTerryPratchett Tue 04-Jul-17 03:18:46

Depends on the age and activity.

daisychain01 Tue 04-Jul-17 03:33:12

How come you know what your DC did, but the other DM didn't know?

I'd stay out of it, you could find they " shoot the messenger"

FittonTower Tue 04-Jul-17 04:09:10

If it's not dangerous or illegal and just a case of a more relaxed parenting style I'd leave it be - I think kids benefit from rules being bent or slightly different in different settings personally.

Ladyformation Tue 04-Jul-17 08:01:50

If it wasn't criminal, nasty or dangerous then no, I wouldn't.

PodgeBod Tue 04-Jul-17 08:11:08

If it's not illegal or dangerous then no, I wouldn't.

Guavaf1sh Tue 04-Jul-17 08:16:55

If it's illegal or potentially harmful yes if it's against some ridiculous religious proscription or cultural thing then no

Herbpatch Tue 04-Jul-17 08:22:04

I think people need more information to make a call on this. There's a difference, for instance, between playing Grand Theft Auto aged eight and watching a film rated 18 when you're 15/16, or, I don't know, being allowed in a bedroom with the door closed with a. boyfriend/girlfriend if it's not allowed at home.

I think it depends what it was and how old the dc are. I am fully aware that when my dc go to someone else's house they are living under their rules some are a bit stricter than me some more relaxed. I make the judgment call when I send them as to whether I'm ok with that because I'm both cases the parents may allow something I don't or not allow something I do. As long as it isn't dangerous I don't see the issue but without knowing more I couldn't say.

AnnetteCurtains Tue 04-Jul-17 08:43:01

Did your DC tell you because they knew it was wrong / were uncomfortable about it or just in conversation ?

ImsorryTommy Tue 04-Jul-17 08:53:52

No I wouldn't. Nothing to do with you.

lanouvelleheloise Tue 04-Jul-17 09:09:42

It would depend completely on what it was.

Something that could physically endanger them or others, e.g. that stupid craze for jumping off bridges- yes I would tell.

Something that was exploratory but comparatively harmless, e.g. normal teenage hijinks like trying cigarettes, alcohol, sex - no. Trust is more important.

stonecircle Tue 04-Jul-17 09:11:51

Obviously it depends entirely on what it was!

zzzzz Tue 04-Jul-17 09:17:46

As other have said it depends what it was. There are VERY few things I wouldn't share with someone's parent though. How old are they? Is it mixed sleeping? Inappropriate movies? Alcohol? Meat for a vegetarian?

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