Communicating/nagging

[Friulgirl]

Is it unreasonable to expect DH to let me know if he will be home late or should I just get on with things? Over the course of our 15 year marriage he has gone through phases where he doesn't come home from work for hours or he says he is going to get petrol and disappears for 6-8 hours. (I know some people will automatically think he is cheating but I genuinely don't think it is that.) (A few years ago he had a drug problem and I worry he is falling back that way but last time it was after he lost his cousin, father, uncle and best friend over the space of a year). Last night he came home at two in the morning and was angry that he was locked out. No word of apology all day.
How do I open the discussion to let him know how disrespected, disappointed, and uncertain I feel? I always thought you were meant to feel safe and protected in a marriage? Too many Disney films maybe🙃

[Moanyoldcow]

How does he account for his time? 6-8 hours petrol? Do me a favour.

[youaredeluded]

ltb

[Sushi123]

Ho can you not know how to open this discussion with someone you've been with for 15 years? Are you scared of him?

[RB68]

I don't have that much of an issue with wanting time and space but he can't expect to leave you vulnerable with an unlocked house - just tell him lock up is when you go to bed if he is not back by then he needs to find somewhere else or not get offended by the lock up as that is normal behaviour

[fanfrickintastic]

eh? Where on earth does he go? Do you not ring him?

[RB68]

shld say DH works away alot, often London and it can be hit or miss getting the last train if he has gone for a beer. He has the option of staying in London at his Mum's and a variety of friends down there with flats etc but all I ask is he messages me to let me know the plan ie do I leave main door unlocked - and that he does not walk up the canal from the train station (about 5miles) but tries for a taxi or phones me however late and I can sort

[PurpleDaisies]

He disappears for 6-8 hours or comes in at 2am and you haven't raised it with him? Am I reading that right?

[Sushi123]

That should have said 'how'