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To expect DSis to keep an eye on her kids while in my home?

(97 Posts)
MichelleH10 Mon 03-Jul-17 14:14:53

Background: My Dsis and I are both in our thirties, and both have children but mine are all teens (the joys eh grin ) while hers are only six and eight. She's recently moved back up to Scotland after a decade down south, so in a bid to reconnect I invited her family over for dinner.

The entire time her kids ran riot around my house. I gave them my old tablet to play with as well as some toys/board games and dvds. They started throwing my tablet back and forth to each other until it fell and cracked. Not a big deal on it's own, they're only kids and that's why I gave them my old one. They then spotted my DD's ipad on the tablet and began playing with that in the same way. I took it off them and put it out of their reach, only to come back and find dsis had taken it off the shelf and given it back to them!? She started laughing and said that they're only kids and they'll throw a tantrum if they don't have anything to play with. She assured me she'd keep a better eye on them, so I relented and gave it back to them.

Not ten minutes later there's a huge crack across the screen. hmm

After dinner I put on a DVD for them while my Dsis and I sat on the sofa and had a drink. I stepped into my bedroom quickly to take a five minute call from my boss, and came back to find that her kids had went into my DS's room and picked all the keys off his £150 mechanical keyboard and spilled juice all over it!! I shooed them out of the room and they ran into the kitchen where they then started opening up all my cupboards and began pressing all my amazon dash buttons. They order eight lots of toilet paper shock

These are only the examples that cost me money, but they spent the entire night being unruly and my Dsis did not lift a finger to keep them in line. It's left a really sour taste to what I'd hoped would be the start of a closer sisterly relationship. My kids were at their dad's that night so didn't witness the carnage first hand but came home gutted to find that their things had been damaged. When I attempted to discipline her kids myself, Dsis accused me of being a b** and a child hater ??? Another gem from her was the line "you have kids, you should know not to put those buttons where kids can press them." My youngest is 14, and is perfectly capable of opening a cupboard without pressing every button in site!!

AIBU to expect her to discipline her kids at my house? I know my kids are all older, but I'd never have let them behave like that in my own home, never mind someone else's!

SeagullsStoleMyChurro Mon 03-Jul-17 14:18:09

YANBU at all in the slightest in any way, shape or form!
They are horrors and it's not hard to see where they get it from.

Msqueen33 Mon 03-Jul-17 14:20:45

Christ that's awful. I have a 9,7,4 year old. Youngest two have autism but would never behave like this and if they even attempted to they'd be swiftly brought into line.

Did she offer to pay to have the screens fixed?

ZoeWashburne Mon 03-Jul-17 14:22:58

I'd ask my DSis if she needed my bank details to transgfer the ££ to repair the screen and the keyboard her kids damaged. Say that you understand that houses are not child proof, but in both of those cases, children entered spaces or took things off shelves that were specifically told not to and damaged it. This is a 6 and 8 year old, not a 3 or 4 year old.

The ipad is especially egregious. I would also not let Dsis stay in my house with the children anymore as they have made it clear that they need a child proof home, and you can not provide that.

BenLui Mon 03-Jul-17 14:23:47

YANBU at all. I would be expecting her to pay to repair both screens and the keyboard. Eight and six are old enough to know how to behave in other people's houses.

Justhadmyhaircut Mon 03-Jul-17 14:26:55

Ask her if she needs a hand to repack. .

livefornaps Mon 03-Jul-17 14:27:11

If she isn't going to discipline her kids and she's going to accuse you of being a child-hater if you try to say anything then those kids don't come back in your house.

That's terrible for your children's possessions!!! I hate this assumption that children's belongings somehow matter less.

Your sister should be mortified and offering to pay for all the damage but I'm gathering this is not the case.

If you feel like seeing them again make sure you meet somewhere public so that you can easily extract yourself when the shit inevitably hits the fan.

But yeah - never in your house again. Put your own kids first. How did they react to having their stuff trashed...?

MichelleH10 Mon 03-Jul-17 14:27:16

Thank goodness it isn't just me! I was worried that I was being an awful b** making a post about a six and eight year old, but honestly I've been seething since yesterday.

She hasn't offered to fix anything. I'm not too bothered about my own tablet since it was old and I don't use it much anyway, but my DD bought her ipad with her own money and uses it for her uni work! thankfully she's off for the summer just now but she'll need something for when term starts again in September.

Amazon have thankfully refunded my purchases. I think I'll put some tape over the buttons next time I have a guest over though!

Underthemoonlight Mon 03-Jul-17 14:28:36

I would be giving your DSis an invoice to have the tablet repaired.

DirtyChaiLatte Mon 03-Jul-17 14:29:16

YANBU and her kids sound like brats. They're old enough to know what's right and wrong and breaking other people's belongings is clearly wrong.

She clearly panders to them and doesn't discipline them at all. She'll regret that soon enough when she completely loses control over them.

I wouldn't have them in my house if she won't control them. I'd even say that to her. Breaking other people's belongings is just not on. She should have offered to pay for the stuff even.

coconutpie Mon 03-Jul-17 14:29:36

YANBU and your sister is a fucking bitch. I would tell her that the cost to replace DD's iPad is X and the cost to replace DS's mechanical keyboard is Y and you expect her to transfer the money to you so you can buy new ones as she is responsible for any damage her DCs do to property that is not their own.

And I would no longer invite them into my home.

pinkyredrose Mon 03-Jul-17 14:31:08

Ask her for a new keyboard and tablet, it's the least she could do.

Also ask her if she'd like her kids to grow into likeable responsible adults and if so maybe she could start teaching them how to behave.

Amd724 Mon 03-Jul-17 14:31:51

OP, you shouldn't have to put tape over something that's in the cupboards! Why are they going through your cupboards?! That's so rude, even for children. I personally wouldn't invite her or her kids back until they apologise and paid you for the broken items. I'd also want assurances that she'd watch her own kids in someone elses home. That's a serious disrespect, and its clear the children are learning that from their mum. No offence to your family, but seriously, whats wrong with your sister??

livefornaps Mon 03-Jul-17 14:32:01

Oh right - so what's your daughter going to do for web browsing, watching TV, all the other stuff you can do with a tablet until September....?

That's fucking awful. I would be so so mad in her shoes that those children were allowed anywhere near my stuff. Stand up for your daughter!!!

MichelleH10 Mon 03-Jul-17 14:34:48

Oh, they're definitely not invited back don't worry! Dsis has lived in England for almost ten years but recently split from her partner and moved back up here. This was the first we'd seen each other in about six years.

DD took it well, but I can tell she's upset. DS is raging about his keyboard (quite rightly as he bought it himself as well) and keeps asking me when Dsis will be buying another one :|

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn Mon 03-Jul-17 14:35:56

Your sister needs to replace your DDs tablet.

I have a 6 and 9 year old. They would never ever dream of behaving like this, let alone think that throwing a tablet to each other is a good game! Your sister is a pretty shit parent and they are going to grow up to be very spoilt. I'd only meet outside tbh. I get on with my sister but she is a bit lax with her parenting and I find it stressful having them here. She tells mine off for going to their own rooms in their own home because hers will follow and she will need to get them back, it annoys me. She also thinks hers are allowed to play with expensive toys with small parts that mine have, after I have encourged them to play with something else.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn Mon 03-Jul-17 14:37:05

Oh and the keyboard. I'd be raging too!

MichelleH10 Mon 03-Jul-17 14:39:11

I've given DD my laptop for now, but she lives in a flat during term time so it's not a permanent solution. I've sent my sister a facebook message with an invoice for a screen replacement which she's read and ignored. We're taking DS's keyboard into a repair shop tonight to see how much that will cost us too.

Spadequeen Mon 03-Jul-17 14:40:51

Your sister needs to replace the broken item or pay to repair them. You and your children shouldn't be out of pocket.

And as for the comments about children, you can tell her you know very well what it's like to have them as you have raised two of your own and you taught them to be respectful of other people's house, belongings and rules.

Don't ask her if she is going to pay, ask her how she is going to pay - cash, cheque or bank transfer.

Spadequeen Mon 03-Jul-17 14:41:38

Stop with the texts and messages, pick up the phone and talk to her

TrollMummy Mon 03-Jul-17 14:42:22

I suggest meeting at hers in future, if you ever want to see her again that is.

livefornaps Mon 03-Jul-17 14:42:35

Your poor son. What kind of lesson is that: save up, buy the thing you wanted... it may get trashed.

I think you have to side with your children here. Demand payment from your sister and if she does nothing then cut her out.

harderandharder2breathe Mon 03-Jul-17 14:42:38

YADNBU! Your sister needs to pay for the things her children damaged. It wasn't an accident, they were being deliberately destructive and she let them. And none of them should be allowed in your home again. Your poor DC having their stuff wrecked sad

FrancisCrawford Mon 03-Jul-17 14:44:58

That is crap parenting of the very worst kind - to let your children deliberately destroy other people's possessions and brushing it off as okay behaviour.

Let your son contact her and ask for a replacement keyboard, seeing she is so hot on letting kids do their own thing

If her DC really do not have any normalboundaries, then this is probably only the start of a trail of destruction they will leave in their wake. Of course, her behaviour is much worse, because she doesn't give a shit

I'd ban them all from your house

Giraffey1 Mon 03-Jul-17 14:45:54

My nephews would never have behaved like this in a million years. At any age! YANBU and I'd be laying down some rules. She coughs up to pay for the damage and needs to aplogise to your children for the damage.. She and her brats must abide by your rules when under your roof or your meetings will have to take place eleswhere (assuming you want to keep up the contact).. Tell her the behaviour of her children, as enabled by her, is unacceptable and won't be tolerated

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