To want to split because DP hates being wrong?(102 Posts)
I know this sounds pathetic but it's really starting to wear me down. For example, earlier on today we were having a discussion about something trivial when DP stated something that was incorrect so I corrected him, he said I was wrong so I said(nicely) "Oh right, let me just double check my facts" I googled it and read out the correct facts(what I previously said) and he just turned his back and ignored me. I asked him if he could hear me, he said "yeah" Why couldn't he just say "oh right, I never knew that"
Half an hour passes without him speaking to me and I ask him if he's annoyed because he was wrong about something really trivial. He denied this saying I was being really stupid and I wanted him to be annoyed. He was soooo clearly annoyed, his face was a picture of annoyance. He got up and walked out of the room. I left it at that.
This happens really frequently over trivial things and important things. He just can't accept he's wrong ever. It causes so many fall outs. I've told him that there's nothing wrong with getting things wrong sometimes, it happens to everyone and when I'm wrong I acknowledge it to the person I'm speaking to.
This also happens when he does something that upsets me in our relationship. If I try to talk(calmly) to him and explain why I'm upset, he denies everything or says I'm wrong and it didn't happen that way or he didn't mean it that way, but it's the same result..my feelings and thoughts are not listened to. Has anyone else got DP like this and how do you deal with it?
Oh definitely finish it. Can you imagine living with that every day for the rest of your life? Being embarrassed when he does it on public or with other people. Ugh. Get rid.
Ugh. So you either have to ensure sulks or bite your tongue? What if he's wrong about something that actually matters?
You would not be at all unreasonable to finish with him for this. You might consider talking about it first. If he says "oh wow I didn't realise it was that bad" then he'd perhaps deserve a second chance.
That would really wind me up too. Being able to admit you're wrong and say sorry is a really important skill to learn. How much does it affect your relationship? If it means you can't discuss your relationship then it's probably a dealbreaker because thinks will only go downhill if he's never willing to admit he could improve. You need someone who can listen to and appreciate your concerns and worries, not trivialise them and blame you for taking things the wrong way all the time.
I've told him how I feel and he tries for a week or so but always ends up back to denying things.
It's really affecting the relationship and I've told him it makes me really unhappy when this happens. He also turns every arguement round to me, never accepts responsibilty for anything. I genuinely think he doesn't know he's doing it. He's great in every other way.
Is he an only child? Does he have a good relationship with his parents? Ditch him. He is a child. Attachment issues I suspect.
He's a man. They're never wrong. Did you not know that OP?!
Seriously, if it rankles you so much, then you are within your rights to end it.
Have to say though, my husband (and many men I know) don't like to admit to being wrong, and will often deny it emphatically, even when presented with the evidence. But I just laugh it off as I know they are wrong and they look like tits pretending they are right.
But if it fucks you off royally, then can you stay with him? If not, bin him, but just know this........... almost all men are the same. They do NOT like being wrong and will rarely admit it! They will twist and manipulate a conversation to make it sound like they are not wrong... even if what they say barely makes any sense.
It's a man thing.
So do you wanna stay with him?
He's great in every other way
How can he be great in any way while being a total arse?
Seriously, I don't understand how the odd nice act or earning lots or being amazing in bed or whatever his "great" features may be can offset what sounds like a fundamentally twattish nature!
he sounds like such hard work... make life easy for yourself... go it alone x
Notknown you need to get to know some different men! Based on my own experience I'd say men are a bit more likely to assume they are right but I totally disagree that they are almost all incapable of admitting they are wrong! None of my husband, father, FIL, two uncles or six male cousins are like this for a start!
Oh and yes, some men do love to make out the argument is your fault, and will twist the facts to make you look like the unreasonable one - and the one who is in the wrong - even when they started it.
They will be a miserable grizzly aggressive pig, and put you in a bad mood. Then they will say 'wassup with you?' I am like 'what the ACTUAL fuck?!'
DH has days like this. Not often thank fuck, or I would have left.
This must be so wearing. As a kid I used to crap at admitting I was wrong - it was a maturity thing, and I grew out of it. But some people just seem to have this weird mindset that if they say giraffes are cold-blooded or whatever then that makes it definitely true, and just won't concede defeat. Is it a self-esteem thing maybe - backing down will make them look silly, and they don't have the self-confidence to cope with looking silly? Or maybe they're just tossers. Either way, life is too short - move on if it's making you unhappy.
This is why it's not good when people live together or get married, saying they've never argued. It would be awful to be years in and realise your partner was a complete tosser in an argument.
I would leave him because you said, "my feelings and thoughts are not listened to." That is not good.
It's not a man thing
It's a boorish twat thing
Well not ALL men are like how I described. Just most men I know. And many women I know say the men THEY know are like this too. Just don't like being wrong.
Good for you if your uncles and their 26 sons and their 50 grandsons and your BILs and FILs and men from the hills are not like this. But many men I know are. And I don't 'need to get to know any different men ta.' Nice patronising comment though.
Is he an only child?
No he has 3 sisters, his mother told me herself that she always made excuses for him growing up so she admits she may be somewhat responsible.
How can he be great in any way while being a total arse?
I get what you're saying but this is the only thing we argue about. He's really good to me and helps me out loads.
* He's a man. They're never wrong. Did you not know that OP?!*
I've known a few men like this and just laughed at them,it's a whole other ball game living with it though.
Is it a self-esteem thing maybe - backing down will make them look silly, and they don't have the self-confidence to cope with looking silly?
I think you could be onto something, even when he gets embarrassed about something he reacts the same way, a bit of "am I bovvered" when he so obviously is.
Are we ignoring the part where op had to google the facts to prove she was right and dp was wrong?
Sounds like neither of you like to be wrong tbh. If it was trivial then why couldn't you just leave it be instead of needling him with 'can you hear me' and 'are you annoyed' etc.
Sounds like you're both as bad as each other in that area.
I do relate to the part where he doesn't understand why you're upset. I've found with dp and also another family member the best tactic is to explain that, while you realise it may not have been his intention to make you feel x when he did y, it did make you feel x because of z reason. Just because it wasn't his intention doesn't make your reaction/feelings less valid, you are entitled to feel how you feel.
Wtf does the potentially being an only child have to do with him being a total twat? How rude.
I have to say, sounds like a men in general thing to me. My dad is like it, my stepdad is like it.
It's absolutely ridiculous, my husband will never admit to being wrong, but at least doesn't sulk about it.
I remember my dad going absolutely mad once because he said the woman in "the devil wears prada" is Glenn close. I kept telling him it was Meryl streep, once I confirmed this with Google he shouted at me for 20 minutes and then wouldn't speak to me again for the rest of the day.
Sounds like neither of you like to be wrong tbh. If it was trivial then why couldn't you just leave it be instead of needling him with 'can you hear me' and 'are you annoyed' etc
No it really doesn't bother me one bit when I'm wrong, seriously, that's why I can't understand why it bothers him so much..he got something wrong..so what? Why not just say "oh right" or something not just have a big annoyed immature face.
That made me laugh. I can so relate to that. I think I might change tactics and start really teasing him when he does it to see if that puts a stop to it.
I would split for sure.
i'm amazed your patience lasted so long.
my partner is always right too!!! and I ignore him now when he does that cause he gets right on my tits!
Dale Carnegie's book "how to win friends and influence people" has a brilliant chapter on this (or maybe more than one!)
His basic premise is (written in the 1930s I think) that a "man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still" and goes into detail about physical reactions we have to being told we're wrong... it's about prejudices and ego as much as anything else.
My natural empathy is shocking and I always used to correct people, I stopped when I read the book and I realised they didn't want me to!
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