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DH and DS have just had a fight

(229 Posts)
OverTheHammer Thu 29-Jun-17 21:22:27

Don't know what to think. DS(16) has always had a strained relationship with DH (not his dad). He's cocky, bad tempered, constantly swearing, steals off us (money, cigarettes, alcohol etc).

Last night DS was in his room playing Xbox and talking loudly on his phone ffing and blinding. I first told him to be quiet at 11pm as I was going to bed. I then had to repeatedly shout and tell him off throughout the night. 2am DH gets pissed off and storms into his room and shouts at him to be quiet. DS was more or less laughing throughout.

DH was late for work this morning as a result of getting no sleep.

DS had his graduation today and has just come in and said "sorry about last night btw, can my late sleep?". I said No because of his behaviour last night. DH then starts on at him about his behaviour last night and telling him off. DS repeatedly argued that he didn't do what DH said he'd done. It got heated, they started shouting and then DS started squaring up to DH (who was sat down at the time). DH stood up and squared back up to him telling him to stop being ridiculous. DS pushes DH, it gets more heated and they start wrestling each other, DH pushes DS onto the sofa and pins him down, DS is shouting that he's a cunt and various other names, my eldest DS comes in at this point and tries to split them up. DH by this point has taken 3 punches to the face. When DH lets him up DS punches him again in the face. He has now done a runner with his mate whilst shouting CUNT down the driveway.

How the fuck do you deal with this?? This is not the first time DS has got violent btw, he's gone for DH numerous times and DS1.

DS1 has just let it slip that while we were away DS2 came in drunk, threw up in the living room and then punched DS1 who told him to clean it up whilst also threatening him with some random "mate" he's supposedly got in prison. So fed up and feel like giving up on him.

QuiteLikely5 Thu 29-Jun-17 21:25:43

Call the police

Elephant17 Thu 29-Jun-17 21:27:16

Shit, no advice to give but sending hugs! That sounds horrible. sadflowers

geologyrocks Thu 29-Jun-17 21:27:17

I wouldn't say that ds and dh had a fight. I would say ds attacked dh

MycatsaPirate Thu 29-Jun-17 21:27:51

I honestly don't know what to suggest. Police? GP? It's a mess and unless he gets some help then he will get worse and worse - either killing someone or end up being seriously assaulted or worse himself.

Does he see his dad?
Has he got plans for sixth form or college?

When you say he's always been like this, have you tried anything to get him some help or just hoped it was a phase? I'm not slating you if it's the latter, teens can be very difficult but the language he is using, the disrespect he has for you and his brother, the general attitude suggests it's way more than typical teen moodiness.

I hope someone can suggest something to help because at 16 I think you will struggle to find a way to help him that he will agree to.

Autofillcontact Thu 29-Jun-17 21:27:53

Can he stay somewhere else? Where is his dad in this?

His behaviour is too poor to remain living with you

Slimthistime Thu 29-Jun-17 21:30:34

"This is not the first time DS has got violent btw, he's gone for DH numerous times and DS1. "

Police, then presume they will get social services involved?

Everyone's at risk from a violent person in the household. Is he taking drugs btw? I'd be looking in the room now. He's been hitting people, normally I'd see it as a privacy violation but given what he's done, you're entitled to do it.

don't let him back in the house tonight.

Autofillcontact Thu 29-Jun-17 21:35:19

Can you speak to social services yourself to see if there is any help available as a family? To be honest I bet not, violent teens are very common and probably not their priority

I wouldn't call the police but that's just me. Think about the possibility of a criminal record before you do

April229 Thu 29-Jun-17 21:51:59

OP I sounds really difficult but I think if you don't get some serious help for your DS he is potentially going to end up behaving like this with other people and getting arrested.

Can you seek support from his dad? See if there is help from local charities? X

OnionKnight Thu 29-Jun-17 21:53:51

Police,. he attacked your husband and he sounds like a right gobshite.

OverTheHammer Thu 29-Jun-17 21:54:16

I've tried everything. When he was in primary school I had educational psychologist on the case who said there was nothing wrong with him. He was in school action plus for his behaviour but once he started secondary school he was took off that as they said there was no special needs, just a poor attitude. He's had more detentions than I could possibly count. He's been in isolation a number of times. He was caught stealing from Tesco and got banned from there. I got the police involved who came around and gave him a "pep talk" before walking away saying what a lovely lad he is. I got social services involved who were as useful as a chocolate fireguard. I don't know what else to do.

He sees his dad every other week and he's also useless. I've just asked him if he could stay there tonight and he made excuses.

DH is saying he never signed up for any of this and he wants out. I don't blame him. No way would I put up with this from a kid that wasn't even my own.

DS has half heartedly applied for apprentiships and college courses but keeps missing interviews and isn't taking it seriously at all. I dread to think what he's going to do in September.

flimflaminurjams Thu 29-Jun-17 21:54:36

get the kid arrested. He's assaulted DS and DH. Are you next?

flimflaminurjams Thu 29-Jun-17 21:55:52

cross-posted, was just going to say DH might get fed up and walk out.

So DS behaviour might cost you your husband too?

MickeyRooney Thu 29-Jun-17 21:56:03

I wouldn't let him back in.
there can be no excuse for his behaviour.

Autofillcontact Thu 29-Jun-17 21:56:25

Getting him arrested isn't an answer though is it? It's just a very temporary option that isn't really going to help the situation in any meaningful way. It's just easy to say.

Cailleach666 Thu 29-Jun-17 21:57:08

Why the hell did you allow a man to come to live in your family when he has a bad relationship with your son?

I feel very sorry for your son having to endure this over the years.

OnionKnight Thu 29-Jun-17 21:58:36

*Why the hell did you allow a man to come to live in your family when he has a bad relationship with your son?

I feel very sorry for your son having to endure this over the years.*

Are you on glue?

Collaborate Thu 29-Jun-17 21:59:27

Make him aware that his actions have consequences. Call the police. If you don't, you're enabling his behaviour.

Then try and rescue your relationship with your husband before he walks out on you all. Having a fight? Nonsense. Your husband is the victim here.

ohfourfoxache Thu 29-Jun-17 21:59:43

Have you actually read the thread 666? Seriously?

flimflaminurjams Thu 29-Jun-17 22:00:07

auto fill

What? As opposed to waiting weeks for social services and counselling and crap.

Pallisers Thu 29-Jun-17 22:00:36

*Why the hell did you allow a man to come to live in your family when he has a bad relationship with your son?

I feel very sorry for your son having to endure this over the years.*

Are you replying to another thread by mistake?

Autofillcontact Thu 29-Jun-17 22:03:01

Right so call the police, they'll come and arrest him in the next few days, then bail him a few hours later. Then it'll be dropped

That's going to do a lot isn't it? It sounds far more dramatic than it is

katieks Thu 29-Jun-17 22:03:49

He needs proper scaring - with police, DH pressing charges, etc. He is out of control and clearly thinks he can get away with it. Best of luck - it must be incredibly difficult for you.

Sostreesedoutrightnow Thu 29-Jun-17 22:05:37

What did you expect t social services to do?? It's your son so you need to parent!!

Snap8TheCat Thu 29-Jun-17 22:05:41

Cailleach did you read the same thread as everyone else?

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