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To ask if you can be older and thin? (without looking worn-out)

(30 Posts)
PreviouslyBannedToaster Thu 29-Jun-17 20:48:30

I'll just say that yes, there's been a gazillion weight related threads on MN as of late so apologies for adding but I just really would appreciate your opinions on this.

My DM who has always been a size 8/10 when I was growing up is now a size 16. She's far from 'obese' and looks pretty good. She says that had she maintained her size 8 figure she'd look decrepit, tired, worn out by now.

Apparently she 'fills' out the lines with this extra weight. I don't doubt that she could get back to a size 8 if she so chose to as her sister is a size 8 and 'thinness' does seem to run in their family.

Noeuf Thu 29-Jun-17 20:50:07

Can you be older and fat? Without looking greedy?

Why is it always thin people who are allowed to be criticised?

You may have touched a nerve here op...

ElspethFlashman Thu 29-Jun-17 20:50:43

Helen Mirren is thin and she doesn't look haggard. I doubt she's more than a size 10.

PreviouslyBannedToaster Thu 29-Jun-17 20:57:56

Why is it always thin people who are allowed to be criticised?

Ok. Sorry. I have literally never come across fat shaming or any fat person being criticised. In fact they have it easy. Everyone loves fat people. Never once has a thread been started about a fat person worrying about facing abuse they've faced in the past or worrying about their weight. The papers and social media are filled with fat people relishing in their fatness.

Sorry to have offended. Fat people are just like educated middle-class white men; they just have it too easy in society.

familygermsareok Thu 29-Jun-17 21:00:01

Your face will reflect your age. Why expect it to look the same at 50 as it does at 30? Of course it will have some lines and wrinkles. I suppose some people might feel a layer of fat fills these out but personally I don't think being overweight makes people look any better generally.
Why not just aim to maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle and accept that we all change appearance as we get older.
If your mum is happy how she is that's all that matters, it's a personal choice with no right or wrong.

GinUser Thu 29-Jun-17 21:04:32

I think younger people forget that roles change as you progress through life.
The vast majority of 40 and 50 year olds are not trying to attract "breeding" males (or anyone else in that respect).
How you age is due to many factors, but one, which is mostly ignored, is experience.

user1486076969 Thu 29-Jun-17 21:05:06

PBT - I'm sure/I know it's possible to be older and thin but for many the genes don't help in the 'thinness' stakes! I speak as a 54 year old who once upon a time was in the Army (i.e. I fully understand what to be FIT means) and have a marathon PB of 3.35. I now have 1 x DS and an 2 stone heavier than I was 20 years ago.............

irregularegular Thu 29-Jun-17 21:08:40

Depends what you mean by "thin". To me "thin" means underweight, or approaching it, and so by definition will make most people look worn-out. But yes, probably more so if you are also older.

I don't think Helen Mirren is "thin". She is nicely slim. Size 10 isn't thin unless you are very tall or large boned and won't make you look worn-out however old you are.

irregularegular Thu 29-Jun-17 21:09:57

But to be honest I don't really understand what your issue is. If your mum is happy and healthy then why are you taking issue with her weight?

LalaLeona Thu 29-Jun-17 21:12:23

I know what you mean op. I am 40 and my second child is a year old so I went on a sensible diet and exercise plan to lose face is not the same now! I look really tired and have developed the beginnings of a turkey neck over night it seems shock I actually think I looked younger facially before the weight loss (and we are only talking about a stone here) !!

URaflutteringcunt Thu 29-Jun-17 21:17:45

I lost a few stone recently, facially I looked terrible. Before the weight loss I'd usually get told I look young for my age, get asked for ID, people who I'd guess are around my age say things like "oh it's ok for you, you're a young mum"or "wait till you get to my age!" etc. I put a few lbs back on and once again people started with those comments so compromises do have to be made, sadly.

Aroundtheworldandback Thu 29-Jun-17 21:18:39

Your mum's right, I'm 50 and had ok skin before I lost a stone and a half in the gym. I'm a size 8 now and suddenly I've got the neck of a 90 yr old! Have been told that oestrogen is stored in fat cells which may account for it.

I'd love to get my youthful glow back but it ain't happening any time soon, so I think I'd rather be slim, fit and healthy (sprightly?grin). Can always have the odd nip!

Toomuchwine22 Thu 29-Jun-17 21:22:39

My mum is 71! She is a size 8! She looks stunning! Her dress sense is much better than mine, her hair looks amazing! She loves her fashion. I sadly am a size (gosh this has happened too quickly... but maybe 16?? Ahhhh first time I've admitted that!!!!!) ... well bigger than I want to be. I don't dress well. i hope I look like my mum when I'm her age. But ...... then again - looks aren't everything! My mum works out a lot, spends time watching what she eats, complains endlessly about her (actually invisible) 'fat' stomach and refuses to eat anything more than a carrot and a bit of lettuce when she goes out! I guess when I'm 70 hopefully I'll properly have worked out it's not important what u look like! and have more important things to think about and obsess over wine

StillDrivingMeBonkers Thu 29-Jun-17 21:24:07

Fat fills out wrinkles! Either that or you go for the Nancy Reagan wind tunnel look ....

Toomuchwine22 Thu 29-Jun-17 21:25:10

Really ... at 71 and size 8, she really does look fab and very youthful!

user1486076969 Thu 29-Jun-17 21:25:49

A generalisation here my experience your Mum is spot on.....i.e. a little 'padding' is helpful in the reduction of facial lines. Can I also ask you to consider yourself in her shoes......I think you reach a point (which you can't understand when 'younger'!) at which you are happy with your weight/dress size in that there are many more things in life that take won't believe me now of course...but you will in 10/20/30 years time grin...

Apocalyptichorsewoman Thu 29-Jun-17 21:29:14

Don't the French have a saying "your figure or your face" as you get older? I could be completely wrong...

I dunno - am 48, am slim with a slightly lined face like i've lived in the comedy store for - erm 48 years.

PreviouslyBannedToaster Thu 29-Jun-17 21:46:31

irregularegular I don't take issue with her weight at all. She's been here for over 6 decades and never needed me or anyone to tell her anything about her weight. Our conversation just came about as I didn't inherit her genes in that respect.

irregularegular Thu 29-Jun-17 21:56:18

Oh OK PreviouslyBanned - you kind of gave me the impression you thought she should lose weight, but I guess I was mistaken.

ragged Thu 29-Jun-17 22:04:09

If you decide wrinkles are, I dunno, proof of survival against the odds? Wisdom & sagacity? Rather than "worn out" ugly, then maybe the balance in the equation looks different.

AccioMerlot Thu 29-Jun-17 22:11:31

I guess it depends where you gain/lose weight? Some people lose it off their faces very quickly.

Having had a wide variety of weights over the last couple of years, it turns out I have hamster cheeks and a fat arse no matter what my weight is, though my boobs and (luckily) waist change with the fat%.

Want2beme Thu 29-Jun-17 22:19:36

I've lost weight in the last year, so as well as getting older, my face has def prematurely aged through weight loss. I've considered putting weight back on, but I just don't want a very fat tummy again, as that's where most of my weight gathers.

WashBasketsAreUs Thu 29-Jun-17 22:30:47

I'm 56, 8 stone 12 when I last weighed myself last week and 5 ft 6 ish. People are very surprised when I tell them how old I am sometimes. I'm on the thin side, got laughter lines and a few grey hairs but it's your attitude more than anything that ages you.

Notknownatthisaddress Thu 29-Jun-17 22:45:23

IMO if you have always been slender/slim/slight, then yes it is possible to not look old for your age past the age of 50, if you are slim.

However if you lose a fair amount of weight, over the age of 45-50, (say more than 4 stone,) especially if you have been plump for a number of years, it is very ageing. I know someone (male aged 50,) who has recently lost 3 stone in less than 6 months (gone from 15 and a half to 12 and a half stone,) and he is starting to look gaunt and grey skinned. He wants to lose another 2 stone and is going to look awful.

A (female) pal of mine (aged 53) lost 4 stone last year, and it's aged her by 15 years. She has literally gone from looking mid 40's to looking 63 in the space of a year. She thinks she looks great though.

A large-ish weight loss at middle age or older is very ageing. If I was 50, I would rather be 14 stone and look 50, rather than 10 stone and look 63.

As I said, I am not saying women who are 10 stone at the age of 50 look 63! Just that someone of 50, who drops to 10 stone from 14 or 15 stone, (in say, less than a year,) will potentially look much older than 50 after that weight loss.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo Thu 29-Jun-17 22:45:47

I'm 44, lost over a stone in the last year and it's definitely aged my face. Which was hard to take as I always looked quite young for my age (so I've been told anyway).

But, I've lost 10cms off my waist which I know is much better for my health and shopping for clothes doesn't make me want to cry.

I'm trying to take as much care of my skin as I can, drink more water and make an effort to be a bit more groomed to distract me from all the extra wrinkles and slightly crepey neck. And I might be fond of a filter or two for photos... (and pop sunglasses on the second the sun pops out from behind a cloud).

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