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Tell me I am being daft.

(11 Posts)
winkywinkola Thu 29-Jun-17 20:14:55

Dd is friendly with a girl in her class. They live down the road.

The girl in her class had a party - a birthday tea party and a sleepover - for five girls in the class. Dd was not invited. Dd heard about the party beforehand and knew she wasn't invited. She wondered why when she's perfectly friendly with the girl and the others who were invited.

I tell dd not to take it personally. That she's a great kid. Good company. Etc. But she still feels crushed by this.

I, by chance, had arranged to have a cup of tea with the mother of the birthday girl the next day. I mentioned that her house must have been a mess after five girls sleeping over and she agreed, telling me what an absolutely brilliant time they'd all had.

I know we can invite whomsoever we want to parties etc but am I being over sensitive in thinking this is a kind of snub?

If it had been us having the party, I would have insisted dd invite this girl who lives nearby too simply because I think it would be rude not to and they are friends.

I just feel for dd and can't explain to her to make her feel better. Am I being daft?

HouseOfGoldandBones Thu 29-Jun-17 20:20:05

OP, I think it's difficult when this happens, but if it was a sleepover, I'm assuming that 5 was the maximum number that the Parents could cope with.

It will just mean that friend is closer to the other 5 girls than to your DD.

I would encourage your DD to have lots of different friends & not rely on any one friend too much.

Bluntness100 Thu 29-Jun-17 20:20:50

A cmon op, you know how it works, there is friends then best friends forever. In adult speak it means your daughter and this girl are friends, but not as close as the other girls.

It's not a snub.

Does your daughter have other friends? I'd think maybe this friendship means more to your daughter than it does the other girl and that would concern me a little.

As for you insisting this girl came if it was you, I'd never have done that, my daughter was permitted to pick her own friends. You can't interfere in that.

chipsandpeas Thu 29-Jun-17 20:29:50

how old?

Aquamarine1029 Thu 29-Jun-17 20:36:48

You're not being daft but I don't think this was necessarily a snub. It's so hard when our kid's feel hurt, but I think you should look at this as an excellent life lesson. Life is full of disappointments, and this won't be the last time your daughter will have to deal with hurt feelings. Teaching her to keep her chin up, and letting her know you understand how she feels, will help her build character.

winkywinkola Thu 29-Jun-17 20:47:49

Dd is ten. And I would have insisted she invite the girl because they are friends and neighbours.

Dd will be fine. Thanks all for common sense.

Pickerel Thu 29-Jun-17 20:51:04

I have a 9yo DD. Personally I'd let her invite whoever she likes, I'd give her a maximum number but I wouldn't insist on any particular friend.

AndTakeYourHorseWithYou Thu 29-Jun-17 20:54:47

Perfectly friendly or actual proper good friends? Sounds very much like the former and not the latter.

You're being very silly and you should be telling your daughter that she shouldn't expect to be invited due to proximity, rather than encouraging her to think she has been snubbed.

Picklemuncher Thu 29-Jun-17 21:44:05

I guess the birthday girl's mum didn't try to assuage your feelings by explaining having to limit numbers or anything. It would have been nicer if she had considering she was talking to you the next day. I think I would feel disappointed like you do. But as the previous posters say, what can you do? Life lessons sometimes stink.

AnnieAnoniMouse Thu 29-Jun-17 21:48:46

This is only the start of it.

The best thing you can teach her is resilience.

If she could only choose 5, she could only choose 5. Next time DD might be included and so someone else will be 'left out'.

Why not invite the other girl over for a sleep over?

winkywinkola Thu 29-Jun-17 22:05:51

Andtakeyourhorse, I didn't tell my dd she should have been invited for any reason at all. Please read my post carefully. Thank you.

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