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To ask for your opinions on lap dances?

(271 Posts)
snoopypoodle Thu 29-Jun-17 11:13:38

Just something I've been thinking about recently that's been brought on about a MNs DH watching porn and how it broke her boundaries.
BTW this is about men in relationships!!! IDRC what people do when they're single.

I don't mind porn. I don't encourage or approve much of men going to strip clubs but I wouldn't blow my top over it. However I do have quite specific views on lap dances.

I think there's not too much harm in going to a strip club and having a look if there's a group of lads on a stag do etc once in a blue moon (I wouldn't mind watching a male stripper on a hen do).
But the idea of actually paying for a girl to dance on your lap wiggle and grind her (probably naked or v.exposed) bits against you is a completely different matter.
You wouldn't let a strange woman you don't know come up to you and do that in a bar on a night out so why would you pay for it in a strip club?

The more I think about it the more I would see it as cheating if my DP did this. We've talked about it in the past as I know when he was single he did it with his friends etc and he said he doesn't really see the harm in it ie "it's just a bit of fun" . But he has admitted that I'm probably right in saying that he most likely would not like for me to have a naked man wave his penis in my face and grind on me etc.

I don't want to be OTT but as I keep giving it more thought I feel like that would be my "boundary". I would feel sick and really put off if my DP came home after a night out and tried to cuddle/touch me after having a naked woman grind on him a couple of hours before hand.

AIBU to ask what your opinions are ?

PinkHeart5911 Thu 29-Jun-17 11:20:00

In my mind only a certain type of man pays a women to dance & grind herself on his lap and I certainly did not marry a man that would behave that way, my dh has a bit more class than that I'm glad to say.

I just don't see what enjoyment someone gets from knowing she's only doing it becuase you have paid her money confused I just can't imagine paying a man to dance for me and it turning me on as I sit there thinking " £50 well spend"

fantasmasgoria1 Thu 29-Jun-17 11:23:38

I would not like it if my oh went to a strip club tbh! If he wants to see a naked woman he has me and he agrees with this and has never been to one! He does not look at porn either! If he did go to a strip club and had a lap dance I would be angry and upset and would question our relationship.

waitforitfdear Thu 29-Jun-17 11:24:43

My dh wouldn't either he round see it as what saddos do and anyway he's too mean grin

I thunk it depends on the couple, a healthy relationship is having similar boundaries and it's For each couple to judge what's acceptable to each other and what's not.

Each to their own

snoopypoodle Thu 29-Jun-17 11:24:55

Out of curiosity: What about if it was your DHs stag do and his mates paid for a stripper for him ie. Sat him in a chair, girl comes in dances etc, mates are laughing/cheering?

Would you expect him to just go along with it or stop it in its tracks and send her home?

SeagullsStoleMyChurro Thu 29-Jun-17 11:27:20

I don't think that anyone who pays for sexual services is a particularly good potential partner TBH.

JeReviens Thu 29-Jun-17 11:27:59

I would expect my DH not to entertain the idea of his stag do at a strip club - then the situation would never occur. I know he'd hate anything like that anyway so it's academic - but what does anyone expect if they agree to attend such a place?

peachgreen Thu 29-Jun-17 11:31:48

I continue to be baffled by the amount of crap women seem to believe they have to put up with, as if porn and strippers and lap-dancers are some kind of basic human right for men. Ridiculous.

My DH wouldn't even want to go to a strip club but if he did I would be furious. If he got a lap dance I would consider that cheating and it would be a deal-breaker.

peachgreen Thu 29-Jun-17 11:33:02

And if it was his stag do I would expect him to refuse to go into the strip club in the first place - and he absolutely would refuse, regardless of my feelings! He'd be horrified.

snoopypoodle Thu 29-Jun-17 11:34:20

Re: the stag to question, it doesn't have to be in a strip club I know you can rent strippers etc even for a house party.

I don't mind porn as such as I enjoy it myself and I would probably visit a strip club once in my life out of curiosity.

PinkHeart5911 Thu 29-Jun-17 11:35:21

*Out of curiosity: What about if it was your DHs stag do and his mates paid for a stripper for him ie. Sat him in a chair, girl comes in dances etc, mates are laughing/cheering?
Would you expect him to just go along with it or stop it in its tracks and send her home?*

Well my dh stag was cycling round rural France and fine wine. Dh doesn't have the type of friends that would book a lap dance and my dh wouldn't go in to a strip club, paying a women to grind on his lap isn't his style.

For argument sake if my dh ever found himself in that position where someone had paid for it. Yes I would expect him to leave not becuase I see it as cheating but becuase offering a women money to grind/dance on your lap doesn't sit right with me and that isn't the type of marry I married.

user1497444078 Thu 29-Jun-17 11:36:15

He does not look at porn either!

My DH wouldn't even want to go to a strip club
grin good one! grin

treaclesoda Thu 29-Jun-17 11:37:01

How would I feel if it were my partners stag night and his friends hired a stripper 'for a laugh'?

I'd be gutted that the man I was marrying had such poor judgement that he is friends with the sort of people who think that paying a woman to take her clothes off is all a bit of a laugh. sad

StumpyScot92 Thu 29-Jun-17 11:37:22

I think for me it would depend on the event and frequency etc. If me and my DP were getting married and he got one on his stag, I wouldn't really care - it's a one off. If he's going every couple of weeks for it, I'd be pissed off.

Kinda same with porn on a much more lax basis. I don't care about it unless i starts to impose on our sex life (as in if he was more interested in watching porn than being with me etc which happened to a friend of mine who's ex turned out to be a porn addict).

19lottie82 Thu 29-Jun-17 11:38:30

Dh doesn't have the type of friends that would book a lap dance

You might be surprised there!

JamRock Thu 29-Jun-17 11:38:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheapAndCheerful100 Thu 29-Jun-17 11:38:53

I would have a problem with my DH sleeping with or kissing someone else. That's it.
It's not like he'd be in a strip club very often. Or have a lap dance very often.
I don't have a problem with porn either.

19lottie82 Thu 29-Jun-17 11:39:12

I wouldn't mind my DH visiting a lap dancing club for a stag do or whatever but I wouldn't like him getting a lap dance.

peachgreen Thu 29-Jun-17 11:41:34

user1497444078 I know there are people who refuse to believe that some men don't look at porn (even though there are) but it's ridiculous to suggest that all men would want to go to a strip club. Most of the men I know would be thoroughly embarrassed, find it all very seedy and feel a bit pathetic.

snoopypoodle Thu 29-Jun-17 11:41:38

Cheap I used to think that but the more I think about it the more my view changes.
Would you pay for a man to lap dance/grind on/for you?

MsMarvel Thu 29-Jun-17 11:43:08

I dont have a problem with it. Its not doc's cup of tea either, but has said that although he would tell his friends no strippers on a stag do, if it happened , he would go along with it to avoid drama.

I've been to a strip club with an ex and his friends, and got a dance, out of curiosity. Its all a bit tame tbh, and having been and experienced it, its helped me see its not really that big a deal.

But as pp's have mentioned, the frequency of it would affect how ok I am with it. Say a couple of times a year for stag do's etc I'm fine with, every Saturday night, not so much.

snoopypoodle Thu 29-Jun-17 11:45:00

I think for me the actual thought of my DP paying to look at another woman so up close and have her touch him/grind on him and him potentially getting aroused by it is a huge deal.

scrivette Thu 29-Jun-17 11:45:05

I wouldn't mind DH going to a strip club but I wouldn't be over keen for him to have a lap dance, it just seems a bit seedy and grubby to me. Although if he did I would be more likely to laugh at him rather than it be an issue.

Personally I wouldn't like a man writhing around in front of me.

VestalVirgin Thu 29-Jun-17 11:45:10

You wouldn't let a strange woman you don't know come up to you and do that in a bar on a night out so why would you pay for it in a strip club?

I strongly suspect the kind of man who would pay for a prostituted woman, either through porn or strippers or for sticking his own dick into a woman who isn't attracted to him, would, and happily, let a hot woman grind against him in a bar on a night out - it is just something that isn't likely to happen unless he pays for it.

It's not like he'd be in a strip club very often. Or have a lap dance very often.

So you would be fine with him having sex with other women if you could be sure that it doesn't happen very often?
Strange logic.

The fact that the man is able to treat women with such contempt isn't affected by how often he does it. Once is enough to show the kind of man he is.

RedStripeIassie Thu 29-Jun-17 11:46:35

I'd have a big problem with any of it TBH.

It shows a lack of respect for women and is just a bit sad.

I know dh has been to strip clubs in the past but he's never had a lap dance.

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